Re: Don't want a divorce but It came to mind
Is it possible for the two of you to find some common ground, something you can do together?
A few years ago, I had a similar problem in my marriage. My husband was very wrapped up in his work and in a Kung Fu class he takes five times a week; I was working full-time and going to school at night; we hardly saw each other. We have totally different sets of friends, and rarely socialized as a couple.
I decided we needed to find an activity we could do together, both as a couple and as a family (with our kids).
What we started doing, it sounds silly but we started playing board games on weekends. We discovered that we both really enjoyed Scrabble, Risk, monopoly and other games. And our kids like it too. So now at least one night a week, we stay home, order take-out, and play games. Sometimes if we get tired of that, we all watch a movie together on pay-per-view.
My husband and I have also discovered some sports that we enjoy doing together; bike riding, in-line skating, and taking long walks.
It's difficult, because the things that really interest him (martial arts) don't appeal to me at all. And I'd be really unhappy if I started taking martial arts classes just to please him; I'd really resent that.
And the things that interest me (political activism, my creative writing group) don't appeal to him, and I wouldn't want him to join just to please me; he'd be bored stiff and end up resenting me.
The trick is to find things you have in common, and can do together.
And also to give each other space to do the things you enjoy doing separately.
I wish you the best of luck in working this out.
I think you are wise not to bring children into it, until you figure out whether or not it can be worked out.
I know too many women who are married but who are raising their children like single moms, because the fathers are simply uninvolved.
And that is not fair to the mother or to the children either.