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Old 04-27-2006, 01:22 PM   #1
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dating someone going thru a divorce

I started a thread a couple weeks back in regards to my roommate and after reading the feedback I got, I suppose it didn't fully answer my question(s) (although it was appreciated) My roommate is dating a man who is going through a divorce and I am wondering what people (general society) think of that. Him and his wife have been legally seperated for 4-5 months now and it could take up to another 3 months for the divorce to be finalized. Meaning he is techincally still married. Do you guys think that it is wrong to date someone in his situation, would you personally do it, and is it possible to be in a relationship with someone who is considered married to somebody else? He is everything she's been looking for, but she is afraid to be proactive about a relationship given that the divorce isnt final

 
Old 04-27-2006, 01:40 PM   #2
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

It depends on a cituation. If he is serious about divorcing his wife and having a relationship with a new person it is fine. Although I think most of the divorce people are not rushing in a new relationships.

 
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Old 04-27-2006, 01:53 PM   #3
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

I agree, it depends on the situation. It could be that in his heart and mind he's been divorced for several years, or it could be he's still hung up on his wife, secretly hoping for a reconciliation and just using your roommate as a transitional sport bang. But if I met the man of my dreams and was really into him, and he gave absolutely every indication of really being into me, and treated me perfectly and all that, then I don't think I'd let the legal status of his ending marriage bother me too much.

 
Old 04-27-2006, 01:55 PM   #4
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

I suppose his attitude about a new relationship is whats driven me to be curious for feedback on this... he is actually fairly serious about her and they want to be together... I just dont get how they can do that since he's married? lol (Im not trying to stop them from going forth with it, I just want some opinions on it)

 
Old 04-27-2006, 02:15 PM   #5
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnDewald1
I suppose his attitude about a new relationship is whats driven me to be curious for feedback on this... he is actually fairly serious about her and they want to be together... I just dont get how they can do that since he's married? lol (Im not trying to stop them from going forth with it, I just want some opinions on it)
Well, I don't think it's as uncommon as you think. Lots of times marriages die long before the paperwork gets in the pipeline. Just because he's still legally married, for the time being, doesn't mean his emotions are somehow automatically focused on his wife until the last document is signed.

 
Old 04-27-2006, 03:26 PM   #6
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

Don't forget that states have requirements that in order to get divorced, you must live apart for x number of months. Here in my state, you have to live apart for 12 months. A friend of mine had her husband come in and tell her one day that he no longer loved her. He didn't want counselling. It was over. Buh bye.

So, now they have to live apart for a year before the divorce can be final. It's usually because states hope that couples will reconcile. But in cases like my friend's, I see no reason with her moving on with her life, even though she is not technically single. It's legal, not spiritual now.

wb

 
Old 04-27-2006, 05:11 PM   #7
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with this at all. They have been legally separted for 4 months awaiting divorce proceedings to finalise. They are not together, they were apart before your friend met this guy, so I don't see anything wrong with this.

If on the other hand your friend started dating this guy, when they were still together, and that is what had made them separate, then that would be another storey!

Some people might take a dim view of this, as they are still legally married, but it means nothing as they are not together, and only a piece of paper says they are still married at the moment.

Whether your freind dates this guy or not, changes nothing, he is still separated, and still awaiting divorce, so that said, no problem.

 
Old 04-28-2006, 08:53 AM   #8
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

just wondering why are you wondering what "society" thinks of what your friend is doing?
that's up to her to worry about.
and if someone is getting divorced, the wheels are turning, things are in motion......that's different that someone who just says they "want" a divorce.

 
Old 04-28-2006, 10:39 AM   #9
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

I agree to that it depends on the sitution. Relationships like that are tircky because you never know if they will decide to get back together or if he/she will be jelouse when the other one starts a new relationship.The ex might cause problems for your roomate and her new man. If there are kids your roomate needs to understand that there will always be that bond betweent them, which can also cause issues. As far as right or wrong! I myself think that if they were seperated 4 or 5 months and they didn't appear to be compatable enough to reconcile then I would consider dating but I would have my guard up until after the divorce. Ethically, though some would look at it as wrong until they are completely divorced.

 
Old 04-28-2006, 05:40 PM   #10
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz
just wondering why are you wondering what "society" thinks of what your friend is doing?
that's up to her to worry about.
and if someone is getting divorced, the wheels are turning, things are in motion......that's different that someone who just says they "want" a divorce.
My roommate asked me to post this. I, myself, am curious too though. Sometimes people look past whats right because they're caught up in lust and attraction and they convince themselves it's okay. Know what I mean? The other day someone called me and said "why is she messing with a married man..." and as many responses that I get saying it's okay, just one person saying it's wrong makes her feel terrible...

 
Old 04-28-2006, 05:50 PM   #11
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnDewald1
My roommate asked me to post this. I, myself, am curious too though. Sometimes people look past whats right because they're caught up in lust and attraction and they convince themselves it's okay. Know what I mean? The other day someone called me and said "why is she messing with a married man..." and as many responses that I get saying it's okay, just one person saying it's wrong makes her feel terrible...
Maybe there's nothing wrong per se with dating a separated guy, but I myself would not generally go for it. Unless this was someone VERY special indeed.

 
Old 05-02-2006, 05:17 AM   #12
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

The thing is you and your roommate do not really know what is going on with him and his wife during the separation. You only know what he tells you or what he wants you to know. During my divorce I found out that my ex had a girlfriend towards the end of our separation. This girlfriend knew he was getting a divorce but had no idea that I, his wife, was still in the picture... that he was still close to me while being with her. (long story how I found this out) To his girlfriend she probably thought that when he told her he was getting a divorce that meant that "he was single and looking for love" but in reality he was still calling me three times a day, and taking me to dinner on Friday night and spending time with me. Heck three days before I found out about his girlfriend I was invited to go to my husbands sisters birthday party with him and went. Of course I did not know about this girlfriend at the time, not until I saw her van parked outside his house (once our house) on evening (what a sad day that was). Oh well... enough about the past... just tell your roommate to watch her heart because things may not be what she thinks they are.

Last edited by farceur66; 05-02-2006 at 05:32 AM.

 
Old 05-02-2006, 05:22 AM   #13
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Re: dating someone going thru a divorce

Personally I would not date a guy that is going through a divorce or even recently divorced. I do not care what society has to say about it but I do care about the emotions that are felt during and after a divorce - - especially if kids are involved (mine did not involve children but was still an emotional rollercoaster and still is to some extent today)

 
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