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Old 06-05-2006, 01:44 PM   #1
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Wife decided to divorce me

My wife made up her mind six months ago and kept it from me. I thought I had a real shot. The crushing blow came on Memorial day weekend. If not for my kids, I would surely put myself out of this misery.

I have been out of work for over a week and returned today. The doctor prescribed me an anti depressent. For the first three days I felt much better, but now I am so low I could not imagine it being any worse. I really am at the end.

 
Old 06-05-2006, 02:20 PM   #2
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this! Especially that you were not expecting it...On top of all else with the Lyme, this is a huge stressor!

I hope that the anti-depressants WILL help significantly! Give them time, like the Lyme treatments, they have a lot of "stuff" to work on!

Thankfully, you have children to be supportive of and that will help you get thru this.....

Please keep us in mind - you know we're here for you!

 
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Old 06-05-2006, 02:28 PM   #3
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

Dear tml,

Oh how sad! That is terrible news. After the long battle you went through to beat this disease, now this. No fair.

Glad you are back at work - its a normal daily thing for you to do. Try to stay calm.

Will she be willing to see a counselor who specializes in families dealing with long term illness? They are a tremendous help. I know a couple who was on the verge of divorce, and got back together.

Your poor family. This is tough. Maybe you can talk to someone just to vent and get it straight in your own head? A priest, minister, rabbi, counselor, etc.

I feel bad for you, knowing all that you went through. I wish you peace and courage to face whatever happens.

Please come here and talk whenever you want about anything.

 
Old 06-05-2006, 04:25 PM   #4
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

Big Hug to you, this disease will tear everthing down...My last husband divorced me too. When I was sooooo sick..My heart goes out to you!!!


 
Old 06-05-2006, 04:36 PM   #5
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

Dear takemylife:

I am so sorry to hear this news. Please hang in there, I know this was not what you hoped for, but your kids need you. I am sending prayers your way...

 
Old 06-05-2006, 05:45 PM   #6
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

Thanks all. My half day at work today was horrible. I experienced lows and fears and dread I have not felt prior to the meds.

The medication is grabbing the little energy I do have and then leaving me flat, both mentally and physically. I was wondering if anyone here can reccomend a medication that is working for them and does not rob them of the little energy they do have.

My family care doc wants to ignore the I have lyme and doesnt think it plays any role. He is also not sensitive to the fact that the low that I am experiencing is devistating low and is making it impossible to function.

I know I should see a phychologist but I hate to take more time out of work.

 
Old 06-05-2006, 05:51 PM   #7
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

Hi neighbor, I didn't realize all this time that you live so close by, I am in Southington. I am so very sorry to hear this news about your wife's decision, I know this is not what you wanted and you really have tried all this time to work with her on what she wants. How many kids do you have and what are their ages? I will pray for your family, no matter what your wife decides you will be okay. I know you want her to stay, but you are going to be okay if she doesn't.

Which antidepressant did your doctor give you? I am familiar with most of them, and I know that almost all of them take a few weeks to get working for you. Be very, very kind to yourself and give yourself some grace. You will need time to heal and to vent, but it will get better soon.

We are all here for you.

 
Old 06-05-2006, 06:03 PM   #8
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

TML
I cannot imagine what you must be going thru. Others on here have suffered thru this, but I haven't.

Do not give up. Youre kids need you to be strong. Vent all you want.

Even if you can't take time off work, maybe you can find someone that works after normal hours, or a minister. I will keep you and your family in my prayers....Marsha

 
Old 06-05-2006, 06:15 PM   #9
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

Quote:
Originally Posted by sleeperwoken
Hi neighbor, I didn't realize all this time that you live so close by, I am in Southington. I am so very sorry to hear this news about your wife's decision, I know this is not what you wanted and you really have tried all this time to work with her on what she wants. How many kids do you have and what are their ages? I will pray for your family, no matter what your wife decides you will be okay. I know you want her to stay, but you are going to be okay if she doesn't.

Which antidepressant did your doctor give you? I am familiar with most of them, and I know that almost all of them take a few weeks to get working for you. Be very, very kind to yourself and give yourself some grace. You will need time to heal and to vent, but it will get better soon.

We are all here for you.
Its Effexor XR. I think the fact that it activates norephrine is why it is wiping me out. It feels like a stimulant and I don't think I have the extra reserve energy a typical person might have. I know these medications take a while to work, but I felt great for on the 4th and 5th day and then it felt like my body just gave out and I started getting wiped out and going downhill from there...today I was locked in a feeling of sadness and fear I did not have previously and it doesnt seem right at all. What do you think?

 
Old 06-05-2006, 06:34 PM   #10
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

Possibly your feeling drained because of the news that you had..That would wear out anyone let alone someone that is severly sick. Antidepressants can't solve situational depression. It is possible that you just felt a little high the first 4 or 5 days...I know when I was put on a couple anti-depressants that happened...then I would still sit around and feel funky and cry and gripe. And shame on your doctor.. of course the lyme is affecting your moods. TML would your wife go for just a seperation period?? You have your babies to think of so with all the extra little energy you can stir up, they will need it..Like eveyone has said we are all here for you.....BUT YOU DO NEED TO TAKE A MOMENT AND TAKE CARE OF YOU....

Prayers..

 
Old 06-05-2006, 06:35 PM   #11
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

I will tell you what I think and what I know about the drug, and I'll tell you my experiences, but I don't think it's right to tell you what to do. Firstly, Effexor XR is the antidepressant that doctors use for the most severe and darkest of all depressions, usually doctors prescribe it if they have tried all the others and none of the rest work. The other thing about Effexor is that it is very, very hard to stop once you start taking it, so if you want to take something else, you need to wean off very, very slowly and under your doctors close care. The withdrawal symptoms are horrendous, even worse than paxil, which is pretty rough coming off of. I'm not telling you this to scare you, but to inform you because you don't want to suffer if you don't have to.

In my experience, it is best to stay in close contact with the doctor and tell them when you are having trouble with a prescription. Ask and also sometimes insist if you must, that they work with you to find the medication that is best for you. When you have a side-effect that makes life miserable, they must acknowledge you, whether they have seen this problem before or not, and they absolutely should listen to your needs and help you make adjustments.

I know sometimes when things are really rough in your personal life and your are so depressed, it's hard to stand up for yourself, but for your own sake you have to try. I hope you find the right medication and the right dose to help you through this time.

If I were to take depression meds right now, I would chose zoloft. It did the job for me and helped me through without messing me up. I found that out by changing my meds until I found the right one. It's a lot like lyme, you just have to keep trying and don't give up on yourself. We aren't giving up on you either, we are right here for you. Hang on, it's going to be okay.

 
Old 06-05-2006, 07:10 PM   #12
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

Sleeper, thanks very much. I appreciate the advice. I'm going to have to try and sleep on this...figure out what I should do.

 
Old 06-05-2006, 07:25 PM   #13
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

takemylife, I am so very sorry about this heartbreaking news. You are dealing with more than anyone should have to at one time.

If you feel you need to see a psychologist, please do whatever it takes to see one. I am sure one would be willing to meet with you after work or at a time when you would miss minimal work. Make some calls and see what you can find out okay?

Please know that we care very much. Please let us know what you find out and how you are doing, okay?

 
Old 06-05-2006, 09:09 PM   #14
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

Hi Takemylife, I Am So Sorry For The Hard Time You Are Going Through.. My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me Last Year, At The Beggining Of My Nightmare! I Was Devasted... But Felt So Sick To The Pont I Didnt Care Anymore.. 2 Months Ago We Got Back Together..so What I Am Trying To Tell You Is That Maybe She Need A Break, You Need A Break And Eventually You Guys Will Be Back Together But In The Case That Doent Happen, You Will Find The Strenght To Do On With Your Live And Maybe Destiny Have Something Else Good For You! I Think Everything Or At Least Everything Happens For A Reasoni Never Thought I Will Go Back With My Boyfriend, He Never Thought Thet Either, But 7 Month Later We Wet... And We Knew Right Away We Were Meant To Be Together..tha Bad Part Is That He Lives In Another Country!but He Comes To See Me Here And We Are In Contact All The Time..just Keep It Strong, I Know How You Feel..but If You Guys Mean To Be Together, You Wil
We Are Here For You Anytime...
Big Hug!

 
Old 06-06-2006, 07:49 AM   #15
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Re: Wife decided to divorce me

TML

I am sorry for all you are going through. I know the days seem very dark with no light in sight BUT you will start to feel better. Time, counseling, possibly meds will get you to a better place. It will take time. I hope you can go for counseling, it is very helpful to get your feelings out. You need an outlet.

You can not control others behavior or decisions, you can only control your own and your response to their behavior. You need to take care of you. You owe it to yourself and your kids. They need you.

I am praying for you and your family.....

Kim

 
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