It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Divorce & Separation Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-12-2006, 04:49 PM   #1
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Dayton, Ohio, USA
Posts: 176
cindyx4 HB User
New here..FIL going to divorce MIL when she is admitted to nursing home..

Sounds crazy huh? My MIL who is 70 has ALzheimer's. She is to the point of needing full time care. My FIL told my my husband and his brother that he is going to admit my MIL to a nursing home very soon. A couple of weeks ago I was at their house and he told me that the day he put her into a facility he is going to divorce her. His reasoning is to protect HIS assets from medicare. This is my husband step dad that is doing this. I have to admit he is a very shaky character. My MIL purchased a home before marrying this man. She then worked to pay off this house. In the 17 years I have known this man he has held down about 3 jobs for about 1-2 years at a time. Oh, BTW, he is 15 years younger than my MIL. ANYWAY, my FIL's parents did and left him their home. My FIL moved my MIL into this house that is at least 2.5 times bigger than the house she was used to living in. She already had her alzheimer diagnoses at this point. My FIL convinced my MIL to sign her house over to him and his corporation. Under this corporation he has 3 pieces of property and we are being told that once he files for divorce that the property is not split 50/50. Anything under a corporation cannot be touched. He told me that he will pay for all my MIL's bill from the facilty until medicaid takes over. We are so distraught over this! Not only will my MIL be devastated because we are all putting her into a facilty but when she is served divorce papers it will kill her. I want so badly to tell her. It's not my place to do this.

I've called some lawyers and have been told that the minimum it will cost us is 5k...which we don't have. So, on top of being so sad that this lady that I love dearly is going through this horrible disease now we are all dealing with this too.

Thanks for listening....I just needed to get this off my chest.

Cindy

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-12-2006, 05:59 PM   #2
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Near Peoria Illinois USA
Posts: 328
NitroChic HB User
Re: New here..FIL going to divorce MIL when she is admitted to nursing home..

Cindy,
Giving your FIL the benefit of the doubt, many states are still in the dark ages in terms of long term care and financial issues. In Illinois we passed a law about 5 years ago that the spouse can keep the residence and a certain amount of money in savings. Otherwise, before we had this law, the spouse had to sell the house, and spend all the savings before Medicaid would take over. Check in with your Dept of Human Services in Ohio, they may still require that the couple have NO assets at all.
Many of our elderly her had to do just the think you are describing before the change. Medicaid is a state run program so it does vary from state to state. Her Medicare (federal) only covers 101 days in a long term facility after hospitalization. Like I said talk to DHS before you assume he is trying to rip her off. He may just be trying to keep what he can to survive because the state will take it all before they pay for any medicaid.

 
Old 06-12-2006, 06:55 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Martha H's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Middlebury, IN
Posts: 4,695
Martha H HB UserMartha H HB UserMartha H HB UserMartha H HB UserMartha H HB UserMartha H HB UserMartha H HB UserMartha H HB UserMartha H HB UserMartha H HB UserMartha H HB User
Re: New here..FIL going to divorce MIL when she is admitted to nursing home..

Cindy,

in New York where my Mom is a NH resident, they go back 3 years in order to assess her assetts. He will not solve anything by divorcing her. The money they held together 3 years before the NH entry will all have to be counted. He does not lose everything, but some of their money will have to go for her care ... whether they are divorced or not. I suggest going to an Elderlawyer and telling him/her everything. He or she will know what to do.

Sorry you are going through this - first the destructive disease, then the insensitive and selfish husband. Good luck!

Love,

Martha

 
Old 06-13-2006, 09:37 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 2,354
BarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB User
Re: New here..FIL going to divorce MIL when she is admitted to nursing home..

So sorry that this situation has been thrust upon you!

I had one other thought, if your MIL's AD diagnosis was made before the stepfather convinced her to sigh her home over to his corporation, it may be that that contract can be broken.

The consultation with the eldercare lawyer may be worth every penny. Someone here paid just $800 for the eldercare lawyer's help and she wrote it was the best money she ever spent.

Wishing you well - Barbara

 
Old 06-13-2006, 10:43 AM   #5
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Dayton, Ohio, USA
Posts: 176
cindyx4 HB User
Re: New here..FIL going to divorce MIL when she is admitted to nursing home..

We've consulted with a few lawyers but none of them are true 'elder lawyers'. I'm wondering how we find this type of person?

Thanks for the replies.

Cindy

 
Old 06-13-2006, 11:06 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 2,354
BarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB User
Re: New here..FIL going to divorce MIL when she is admitted to nursing home..

Hi again,

I found this one: Advance Eldercare Law Firm and a call to the local bar association may lead you to others.

Good luck! Barbara

Last edited by Administrator; 06-17-2006 at 08:56 AM. Reason: posted disallowed info

 
Old 06-13-2006, 12:14 PM   #7
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Dayton, Ohio, USA
Posts: 176
cindyx4 HB User
Re: New here..FIL going to divorce MIL when she is admitted to nursing home..

Thanks Barbara!!! I guess I could have done that huh?!

I'll give him a call.

Cindy

 
Old 06-17-2006, 07:52 PM   #8
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: WA.
Posts: 159
gizmolove HB Usergizmolove HB User
Post Re: New here..FIL going to divorce MIL when she is admitted to nursing home..

If you call the Bar Association in your area, they may be able to refer you to a number of qualified attorney's that specialize in elder care Law.

Good Luck

But your MIL must have representation in this. However, even if her assets are protected from your FIL, chances are that the funds will just go to help in her care during her lifetime, and any heirs may not get a thing anyway.
Alzheimer's care is extremely expensive. And, the funds that she may be able to keep after the divorce, will have to have a POA or an administrator. If she has deminished capacity, someone can be appointed for her, or one may be appointed by the court.

Good Luck again. It is tough going thru this at all, let along a family emotional mess like this one. It's hard enough when everyone loves each other and gets along. But when there is a family spat, it just goes to make all the hurt that goes along with this disease much worse.

The only good point that may come from all this is, if your MIL is far advanced in the disease, she may not remember this jerk for long.

God Bless,
Giz
__________________
Gizmo

 
Old 06-18-2006, 12:23 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 2,354
BarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB User
Re: New here..FIL going to divorce MIL when she is admitted to nursing home..

Hi Cindy,

Have you been able to find any helpful eldercare lawyer or even get an appointment yet?
Any idea if your mother's diagnosis was made before the corporation document as I mentioned before?

Hope you've found good help.

Thinking of you - Barbara

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
New member...glad to be here OutOnALimb Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 14 01-18-2010 04:46 PM
Risk Factor - When to check yourself in trg247 Depression 38 02-23-2008 01:20 AM
How do you know when death is near? epse Death & Dying 11 11-12-2007 03:25 PM
What is really going on? Emotional Affair or not? nikki92 Relationship Health 86 10-19-2007 01:38 PM
Depressed, defeated, lonely and ill too, here's my horror story SOPHIABELLA Depression 4 10-02-2007 04:37 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



shisslak (5), renko (4), anonnymouse (4), frikita (3), Titchou (2), Misty800 (2), thaliak (2), awlright (2), gardenandcats (2), rosequartz (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (670), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:09 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!