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Old 06-14-2006, 02:57 AM   #1
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Unhappy How to help children cope w/divorce

Please any advice on how to help our 2 children 10.5yr old girl& 6.5 yr oldboy get thru this..I just don't know what to do....

 
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Old 06-15-2006, 07:48 AM   #2
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Re: How to help children cope w/divorce

My parents started a divorce in '01, got seperated, dad moved back, and ended up actually getting divorced this past November...finally.

As hard as it is to believe, a lot of kids I know at least, which can lead me to say that there will be kids out there who understand the concept of divorce, and if it was bad in your household, there can be a lot of relief in a divorce. That's how it was with me as well.

It is SO upsetting to see your parents divorce, and what hurts the most would be the day someone moves out.

You can't do anything really...you can try to talk, but when you do, NO EX BASHING. You cannot bash your childs other parent. I know it's hard to do with a lot of people, but really...it get's you no where. Remember not to put your kids in the middle of them, NEVER make them choose. Don't make your child feel guilty for wanting to spend time with the other parent just because you may not like them.

Never give them any reason to believe that they're the cause of it. I don't care if you're arguing over your daughter's grades or something, do it far, far away from her...because if she heard her name and your yelling...there is going to be a part of her young brain that says...oh, okay...they're fighting about me, am I the reason they fight so much?

No matter what you do, it's still going to be traumatic. No amount of talking is going to really take away the sting. It is true though that it heals with time. Well, in this case, it's not like you ever get over it...because it's your parents who divorce...I mean, it's tough...all kids know is the two of you together. They do learn how to live with it though, and one day they'll realize it was for the best.

I was 18 in November when my parents finally divorced...I felt like I was to blame because the reason my parents got married was because they got pregnant with me, and didn't want to. It wouldn't be so bad if it also wasn't my mom's FIRST time?! haha. Well, they had a bad marriage, and I waited since I was 9 for this. It kind of sucks that after all that time, I don't see your speak to my father anymore...but they divorced for a reason, and it WAS for the best.

Oh, that too...don't let your kids be like me. Your kids need both of their parents, they need to always see the two of you...

 
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Old 06-21-2006, 08:41 AM   #3
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Re: How to help children cope w/divorce

There are a lot of really good books written for children/adolescents/teens about divorce. As a children's therapist, I recommend them to all the families I see dealing with divorce. There is no one better book, they are all good.
Also, let your kids talk to you about what they are thinking and feeling, and as much as possible, validate their feelings. Let them know that they are not dealing with this divorce alone. Good luck.

 
Old 07-16-2006, 08:01 AM   #4
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Re: How to help children cope w/divorce

My sister and her husband recently separated. They have 2 children aged 7 and 9. My sister has the kids and her husband lives interstate. My nephews were sad that their Dad left but they understand the circumstances. Let your kids know that both parents still love them no matter what happens. My nephews understand now that their father will always love them, even though he doesn't live with them anymore. They still get to see him in school holidays and he rings them at least once a week. It must be so hard for kids when parents separate and get divorced, Im just thankful that my nephews are coping well and seem to be happy, despite the changes.

 
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