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Old 12-16-2006, 07:19 AM   #1
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NYGirlatHeart HB User
Divorce - The last Option

Hi Everyone,
I have come to the point in my marriage that it looks like it will be necessary to file for a divorce. We have been in couseling 4 times during different periods of time over the years, and it does not look as though things are changing. I always have believed that marriage should be a lifetime committment, but it is effecting my emotional well being at this point. My husband has ADHD and one of the huge problems in our marriage has been his inability to either be happy in, or hold a job. Also, when he does lose a job, he takes his sweet time in finding one, putting me through emotional turmoil, having to take on the financial responsibility. He has been out of work (again) for the last 4 1/2 months and he will be receiving his last unemployment check this coming week. He has been in school (in an accerated progam that he goes to class one night a week) for the last 2 years, to finish his BS degree, and doesn't seem to understand why I am so worried and upset. Meanwhile we have a son in college and bills to pay. He thinks everything will be fine when he finishes school around the summer of 2007, but since his record of being responsibile and providing on a consistent basis, has been so poor, I no longer have faith or trust in him. I told him months ago that I can not go through this again, and if he doesn't have a job by the time the unemployment runs out, that was it. So here we are, the holiday season and once again, my husband has no job, with Christmas right around the corner.
So, it looks like I will be filing for divorce in the next week or two and am hoping that someone has knowledge in this area. We have no savings left and I was hoping that someone can help guide me as to the least expensive way to go about finding out what my rights are and how to protect myself financially as much as possible. Are the consultations with an attorney usually free? How do you go about finding a good mediator? Help!!!!!!

Last edited by NYGirlatHeart; 12-16-2006 at 07:23 AM.

 
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Old 12-16-2006, 09:17 AM   #2
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Calamity3039 HB User
Re: Divorce - The last Option

Do you really want a divorce? I gaurantee that you are going to have a much difficult financial time then you do already. So iff you don't want to go that route, make some compromises. I can understand where he is coming from. Trying to maintain a job and go to school is very complicated. There is a big catch 22. How about him just getting a part time job until graduation? Or cutting any extra expenses? There are always expenses to cut. Just start thinking about what is want/need.

Sound to me that this isn't a problem that requires a therapist or a lawyer, it one that requires a financial adviser.

 
Old 12-16-2006, 06:04 PM   #3
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Madam Captain HB User
Re: Divorce - The last Option

Have you spoken to your husband about divorce?? My sister and her husband are in the process of getting divorced and they have 2 children, both under 10 years of age. They have been separated for about a year but now they have to finalise the divorce within the next 12 months for legal reasons and financial reasons. There is no animosity between them and they are still good friends, their marriage just didn't work out and they decided it was better to separate. It was a bit of a shock for the family, as they had been married for over 10 years when they announced their separation (although we had some idea that things between them weren't good). It makes it so hard when kids are involved, especially younger children but my nephews seem to be adjusting ok (they live with their Mum, my sister). Im not sure how to go about finding a lawyer, as my sister isn't at that stage yet. I just know that when a couple wants to divorce, they need to be separated and living apart for at least one year (not sure if its different where you are, I live in Australia). Sorry I can't be any more help but I hope everything is ok for you.

 
Old 12-16-2006, 06:05 PM   #4
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sunshine0806 HB User
Re: Divorce - The last Option

At the firm I worked at, all initial consultations were free except for divorce - those were $75. That's because he handled so many divorce cases, and they can be very time-consuming. Most firms don't charge for initial consultations, including divorce. It pays to get a good divorce lawyer, even if you have to pay a little more. I knew a co-worker who had a crummy divorce attorney who rarely returned her calls - it made the process even more difficult.

It sounds like you're making a wise decision going for a divorce. You need to find a more responsible partner that you can trust. Good luck!

 
Old 12-16-2006, 10:29 PM   #5
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desertdweller HB User
Re: Divorce - The last Option

If you live in the United States, there is free legal council if you are considered low income. Usually there is information and a sign up sheet at your local courthouse. With free council, you will get advice on how to fill out all the paper work, and there are even filing fee waivers you can apply for if you have no income at all.
I can't say I blame you if you have repeatedly tried counseling , and your husband can't keep a job.

 
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