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Old 01-09-2007, 07:32 PM   #1
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please help in new relationship with newly divorced man

I am currently in a new relationship with a man who has been divorced for only 10 months he says he is never getting back with her and he hates her but yet he still talks to her and gives her money. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but this past Saturday he told me he was meeting up with her to tell her to stop calling and leave him alone and he would be back at my house in an hour or so and he never showed up and i didn't talk to him for 3 days he finally called me today and said that it was definately over with them and he needed some time to think that is why he disappeared on me. He also has alot of depression issues from going through the divorce and he said he is confused about us because i have a 2 year old from a previous relationship who he says he loves but he is also scared. He won't barely talk to me. He also has health issues that really bother him because he is only 25 and is on disability, but should be able to go back to work in a few months. So do you guys think he really needed time by himself to sort all these issues out, or do you think he was with his ex? he also founf out today about a new health issue that made him even more depressed. What should i do? he tells me he loves me all the time but he also keeps hurting me all the time should i give him his time or let it go he is making ME depressed because i do love him and he will not open up to me. HELP!

 
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Old 01-09-2007, 08:15 PM   #2
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Re: please help in new relationship with newly divorced man

Hey Emilysmommie,

While I think it's noble to want to hang in there and try to love him through this difficult period in his life, I don't really believe it works that way. Waht will probably happen is he will continue to make you sad and miserable with his hot and cold routine, being dishonest and evasive, then when he's finally ready to get it together and is tired of being a jerk and is really ready for a good, mutually respectful relationship, he will promptly dump you and take up with a strong, self assured, confident, assertive woman who would never have put up with who he was when he was with you.

Thsi is just my opinion, but I think life is way too short to try to love someone into loving you, or to try to heal them into being able to have a relationship. Look at it this way, if you had all kindsof baggage and hang ups and insecurities from a divorce, and you were still tied to an ex that you still had contact with, that you couldn't stop talking about or harboring feelings for, even ill feelings, and you disappeared for days at a time with no hint of your whereabouts, would you expect a man to hang around hoping you'll snap out of it? Would you want the kind of man who would? Yeah, me neither. You wouldn' expect that from a guy, you wouldn't want that guy, so don't be that girl. If it were me, no matter how much I loved him, I love myself first. I'd tell him when he's truly put his ex behind him, when he's done being at her beck and call with the bucks, when he's done seeing her to tell her he can't see her, (sh-hyeah!!) when he's done being confused and taking off for three days with not a word, when he's done spewing venom at her and has truly put it behind him, when he's ready to be in a relationship for real, then he can call me. I just might answer, if I'm home.

 
Old 01-09-2007, 08:26 PM   #3
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Re: please help in new relationship with newly divorced man

i'm getting to that point but i feel like i have gotten myself into something that i cant turn my back on i am really worried about him, put it this way 1 month into our relationship he asked me to marry him and wanted to get my name tattoed on him he keeps telling me everything is going to be ok he just needs his time, but i don't know.he is so good to me when he is around or answers my calls and he keeps making me fall back in love with him just when i decide i am done, then he dosen't talk to me again i am so confused and hurti really thought i found the one, he kept telling me we were sould mates and we were meant for each other, now this? i son'e know what to do.

 
Old 01-10-2007, 08:55 AM   #4
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Re: please help in new relationship with newly divorced man

he sounds a little psycho if you ask me.
he's unstable, tells you he loves you so soon, has to go see her to tell her to stop calling? why not just stop picking up the phone? stop answering!
do a little research on BPD - borderline personality disorder.....he seems to fit some of the criteria.
this relationship is no good for you, you know that right?
don't waste any more time on this guy.......
you can't feel sorry for him any more.....it's not healthy for you.

 
Old 01-10-2007, 01:55 PM   #5
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Re: please help in new relationship with newly divorced man

Why would man who is not working and with disability issues giving money to his ex? Unless she has baby with him it is really strange. My mother is on disability and we are the one who are giving and giving. I understand that disability can be worse and better.
You have 2.5 old kid and you want to tight yourself with the man with disability. In my opinion he will make your life tuffer. I would understand if he has exeptional personality and it is not the case.

 
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