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Old 03-23-2007, 10:36 AM   #1
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Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

Something truely bazaar has just happened with my Ex husbands recent marriage. I don't know what information I'm looking for...I think just vent but it's beyond my comprehension...but it involves me.

Background...I'll try not to be too long but give some info. First of all I was married for 24 years and had the typical midlife crisis and left my husband 1 1/2 years ago and I'm happily remarried to a man that I'm ashamed to say that I left my Ex husband to be with. I was best friends with my Ex for 30 years...I guess that was the whole problem is we had become friends and I wanted more. Well he met a woman less than a year ago and they were buddies and drinking associates(ha!) and neighbors...then about thanksgiving they start a relationship and just a week after they started dating eachother, they planned to get married and were married in January. According to him, immediately after they got married she began to accuse him of being still in love with me and that we were still in love with eachother. She's thrown him out a couple times. But then a few days ago I get a drunken call in the middle of the night telling me that he's getting a divorce because his wife thinks he's in love with me. OK as soon as they started to date, he totally stopped any e-mail contact with me except for some business we had to discuss. No phone calls...no nothing. What I know about her is from stuff he told me of when they were "just friends"...he never once has said anything about her that was less than doting on her. He always spoke highly of her. As far as I knew, he was absolutely and positively head over heals in love with her. They seemed like they were in ideal match. Anyway, the next day after he called me, he e-mailed me and told me that she took her daughter and they went to stay with someone because according to her he is "deranged" and she is "scared of him". Let me tell you I've known him since I was 14 and I can truely say I never once felt afraid of this man...it's just not in his character to be abusive. So when he was sober(ha) I asked him what in the world he did that made her say she was scared of him and he said "I yelled back"...I'm like...WHATEVER?! Let's divorce because someone yelled? But anyway, she totally has it in her head that he and I are apparently in love with eachother and she wants nothing more to do with him and is getting a divorce from him because she has some notion in her head. Why would someone lose a really great man because of something so weird? And what boggles me is for her to accuse him of being abusive and acting like she's scared of him. He told me that she is completely out of control acting and is just being crazy. She has her friends all convinced that she's this victim of some horrible monster. It's so insane! For the record...I am completely in love with my husband and have no desire to be back with my EX and he was totally head over heals for her. Although I am not in their house and seeing both sides...I just know this man so thoroughly that I know he'd never tell her that he loved me or make her feel like he was still in love with me. Again, it's not in his character. He's a very honest person. I just really feel sorry for him because he thought he'd found the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Do you think that she's just unstable...she's been married 3 other times? I have to wonder what her relationship is with her EXs? I tend to be a very suspicious person and I know that although he's not what some would call rich...I do know that he has a net worth of about $100,000 and I can't help but wonder if she married him to take half his money...well it's just so bazaar! Why else would she make up that he's being abusive?
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Last edited by BeaTrade; 03-23-2007 at 10:39 AM.

 
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Old 03-23-2007, 10:56 AM   #2
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

I dont know, is the short answer. Some people have different ideas of what 'abusive' means. I have to say though, I literally did lol when I read that she reckoned he was "deranged" because he shouted back at her! Ha! If that's the case the whole world's populated by loons and we're all big-time "deranged" and ought to be walking around in straight-jackets, all 6 billion of us. Could you picture the scene? ha ha..

It sounds to me like she has some big time jealously issues, and probably just knew that you'd formed a closer bond over 30 years than she was ever going to be able to compete with, and that she just couldnt handle that. Just my instinct based on what you've said. Just be glad your second marraige worked out better than his did, lol.

 
Old 03-23-2007, 11:00 AM   #3
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

She sounds crazy!

 
Old 03-23-2007, 11:23 AM   #4
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

she is probably very insecure since you two had such a solid relationship of 30 years whereas theirs started off as a "drinking associate" one

It's wierd that she is Not willing to work to keep the marriage together, although it might be just her way: she enjoyes divorces!

Last edited by furtiva; 03-23-2007 at 11:24 AM.

 
Old 03-23-2007, 11:30 AM   #5
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

When I talked to my husband about what's going on, he said that it sounds like she doesn't take marriage very seriously if she'd just divorce at the drop of a hat. I can understand her feeling insecure but to divorce?
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Old 03-23-2007, 11:32 AM   #6
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

As unfortunate as it is for him to have lost someone he thought he knew, it sounds like he is better off. She sounds a bit delusional!

Having 3 previous failed marriages, it seems a reasonable assumption to say that maybe she is the one with the problem.

It's a shame when something as useless as jealousy ruins a relationship. (Jealousy exsits only to test and torture us in my opinion!) But it sounds as if she didn't even try to work through this. That right there gives me the impression that either she's unstable or invovled with him for the wrong reasons.

If she really wants to be with him, then she will come around and at the very least, try to work through her jealousy. Otherwise, I'd tell your ex that this was a blessing in desguise.

 
Old 03-23-2007, 11:32 AM   #7
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

Maybe she's looking for an excuse to get out?

 
Old 03-23-2007, 11:33 AM   #8
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

Well, where's the surprise in that? She's done it three times already!

 
Old 03-23-2007, 02:34 PM   #9
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

It sounds to me like she is using your past relationship as an excuse to leave him. He probably told her that he used to be totally in love with you at one time and so on.

My husband tells me everything about his past marriage. I hate to say it, but if I ever wanted to leave him,(which I wouldn't because I'm deeply in love with him) I could always play the jeleous victim. It's not that hard really. She has absolutley no proof to act so Bizaar. And I bet, like my husband, he is a very sensative person that try's to please her in every way. She is completley taking advantage of him and he should run away as fast as he can.

Just my opinion!

 
Old 03-23-2007, 03:22 PM   #10
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

Well I know it's certainly made me step back and get a grip on some of my jealousy issues about my husband's EX! I'm like...am I acting crazy like that? I don't want to!!!!!!! Making me stop and realize that he can't control anything that his EX is doing.

I do believe that something must have happened that made her realize that she didn't want to be married or married to him and this is an easy escape route. Because my husband and I have had issues about his EX...it makes be think how weird that she'd be so ready to just say "it's over" because the last thing I wanted to do when I was having issues with my husband's EX is leave him. I could even see it if he had been contacting me behind her back or doing something...anything...but not nothing!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-23-2007, 07:34 PM   #11
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

This woman sounds like a real bunny-boiler. He is better off without her in his life. Keep back, yourself too, you will probably be the next target. Seriously, Sera

 
Old 03-23-2007, 08:33 PM   #12
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

Oh believe you me...she's already got me in her sights!
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Old 03-25-2007, 06:53 AM   #13
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

This is the latest stuff she's doing:

First of all, she's in her 40s and has a 14 or 15 year old daughter and son(they're like a year apart but I don't know their exact ages)...she has a web page from that place that we all know and love right...ok 40+ with a ******* pretty weird just that if you ask me. Well she's big into it and has over 100 people in her "freinds" list. When they first started hanging out she had very nasty(basically pornagraphic, you know all those nasty pictures people send on there...some crazy.) pictures from men and her friends and also just images she had put into her "place" to "decorate"...needless to say it didn't makes me think real highly of her morals but who am I to judge I guess after all she was single, plus lots of pictures of herself. Plus her kids were part of her friend network so they were seeing all this. OK so when she started "dating" my EX everything went to "love, love love" stuff all over the place. All those images that you customize with your own text and stuff saying how much she's in love with (we'll call him Bob for grims and her Sue) Bob so stuff like the Tattoo imagine with "Bob" on the back and writing in the sand "Sue loves Bob" just covering her "Place". So NOOOOOOOOOW that she's mad she's writing stuff about how she's praying to the lord to make the pain stop and "You not only broke my heart but you stomped on it too" and all kinds of stuff and theeeeeeeen she puts a background image of churches...well let me tell you, she does not go to church...my EX doesn't even believe in the Christian teachings. He said as far as he knew she was not religious. OK so then all her friends (and all her friends are early 20s) are commenting about how she'll get through this and how some people need to build bridges and just get over it(meaning ME! Whatever!) but just total craziness throughout the "place". There's one of those image things that is a comment toward me calling me a "BEE" if you know what I mean and something about "jealousy" in the same image. But all her friends are commenting to her and making "Bob" sound like he's some horrible monster that she was a victim of????????!!!!!

Another little weird thing I thought I'd add...right after they got married, she was trying to make him buy her a new car...seemed out of line to me! He did not buy it thank goodness!

She seems totally nuts to me...IMHO, that "place" is for kids!
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Old 03-25-2007, 07:33 AM   #14
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

Just what ya need in your life, a nutcase. Poor "Bob" too. Hopefully it is all just talk. Not a lot you can do about it tho, Bea, just lock up the pets. Look after yourself, Sera

 
Old 03-25-2007, 08:24 AM   #15
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Re: Getting a divorce because of jealous thoughts?

I have this vision of that female astronaut that drove to florida... Thank goodness I live over 1000 miles away!!!!!!!!
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