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Old 03-30-2007, 10:45 AM   #1
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She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

I can't believe it, but she's actually doing it. I just got an email stating that she's having divorce papers drawn up for dissolution of the marriage. Thing is, . . . she has never told me the reason WHY she's doing this.

She will never be happy. Even if she finds someone else, she will never find joy because she only wants things that give gain to herself. She is selfish, and openly admits it. What I do know is that I deserve much better than this, but it still hurts a LOT!

Last edited by EDC_Light; 03-30-2007 at 11:47 AM.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 11:11 AM   #2
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EDC_Light View Post
I do know is that I deserve much better than this
Keep telling yourself this every day and it will get easier. From what you have said in your posts this is for the best. You can't make a person happy who clearly isn't happy with themselves. Maybe she will find it, maybe she won't. The most important thing is that now you will have a chance to find the woman who deserves you!

 
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Old 03-30-2007, 11:44 AM   #3
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

Thank you for your kind post, happymom. It [the divorce] really was something that I did not want (do not want still), yet it is true that a marriage can't last when only one person is trying to make it better. And I know I deserve better than this, . . . . . I know that I deserve to be with someone who actually CARES about me. The thing that is so very hard is that, we really did have a pretty good relationship until this happened, . . . which took me by surprise. We had a lot of fun together. We went on dates, did stuff outside, went on trips and always had good times. That's why this still makes no sense to me whatsoever. I'm at a loss and feel quite numb right now.

Last edited by EDC_Light; 03-30-2007 at 11:45 AM.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 11:51 AM   #4
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

Im sorry to read this EDC_Light. It is heartbreaking Im so sorry that this happening. Life isnt always fair but you can overcome it though and i know you will. Time will heal, time will sort everything out although it probably doesnt help you right now knowing that. Bbut you will feel good about this one day, this is for the best. Im glad this woman is out of your life. you may have had good times together, things may have even seemed perfect, but she wasnt right for you. that woman is still out there for you, believe it or not, and there is a better life waiting for you.
Are you keeping busy? You need to keep busy. Have you taken up new hobbies? Perhaps go on holiday? Maybe not now, but later? Have you got family and friends supporting you?
Take each day as it comes. I wish you all the best.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 11:53 AM   #5
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

I understand you don't have kids and separate finances with her. You can count your blessings. You can have clean break from that person. My cousin has to pay alimony to his ex which she spends on her lover instead of a baby. Whenever he wants to see the baby, she makes it as unpleasant as possible. Lot of people are like that.
I understand how hurt you are, but may be it may feel you a bit better.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 11:56 AM   #6
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

I know it dosent feel like it now ECD Light, but I honestly think this is for the best. You had said on another thread that your religious beleifs would not allow you to file for divorce, so if she hadnt done this you would have been forced to remain married to her, if she so chose. I dont think it would have done you any good to have her dictating the terms of your future in that way.

I'm sorry to say it, but it sounds like you're better off not being married to this woman. I dont know enough about the situation to appropriate blame, but one thing is obvious; for whatever reason, this marraige didnt work out. Better to let it go. Sorry.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 12:03 PM   #7
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by apple_juice;28***57
Im sorry to read this EDC_Light. It is heartbreaking Im so sorry that this happening. Life isnt always fair but you can overcome it though and i know you will. Time will heal, time will sort everything out although it probably doesnt help you right now knowing that. Bbut you will feel good about this one day, this is for the best. Im glad this woman is out of your life. you may have had good times together, things may have even seemed perfect, but she wasnt right for you. that woman is still out there for you, believe it or not, and there is a better life waiting for you.
Are you keeping busy? You need to keep busy. Have you taken up new hobbies? Perhaps go on holiday? Maybe not now, but later? Have you got family and friends supporting you?
Take each day as it comes. I wish you all the best.
Yes, I have family and friends who are there for me.

I know that time will heal the wounds, but as for that someone who will make for a better life, . . . . (and I know it is the emotion talking right now) but I won't hold my breath. It is somewhat irrational, I know, . . . but I feel very unlove-able right now.

I'm sure that will pass as well.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 12:06 PM   #8
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
I know it dosent feel like it now ECD Light, but I honestly think this is for the best. You had said on another thread that your religious beleifs would not allow you to file for divorce, so if she hadnt done this you would have been forced to remain married to her, if she so chose. I dont think it would have done you any good to have her dictating the terms of your future in that way.

I'm sorry to say it, but it sounds like you're better off not being married to this woman. I dont know enough about the situation to appropriate blame, but one thing is obvious; for whatever reason, this marraige didnt work out. Better to let it go. Sorry.
If there was some blame on my part, . . . I did everything I could to assure her that I would work on those things. The fact that she didn't even give it a shot (especially when the things she DID mention were really trivial, and everyone I talked to thought they were), shows me that she is the reason for this divorce. The blame for it will always lie on her doorstep because I did my part to work towards reconsiliation. But it does take two.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 12:09 PM   #9
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EDC_Light;28***90
I know that time will heal the wounds, but as for that someone who will make for a better life, . . . . (and I know it is the emotion talking right now) but I won't hold my breath. It is somewhat irrational, I know, . . . but I feel very unlove-able right now.
I think its a natural feeling to come through what you have and to feel unloveable...Youre hurting, you need time. There will come a time, sooner than you think, when you will want to feel loved and you will want to love another. Many, many people go through a divorce they didnt want to happen but do move on and find their true soul mate. Stay strong. Itll come.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 12:15 PM   #10
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EDC_Light View Post
The blame for it will always lie on her doorstep because I did my part to work towards reconsiliation.
I guess it does at the moment EDC light, but hopefully in time you'll let go of that sense of embitterment. I've never been married, but I have left longterm relationships absolutely brimming with the feelings of embitterment I'm sensing from you here, only to realise when a couple of years had passed that blame really didnt come into it, that we'd just been badly matched, and that since we were both responsible for taking the decision to be together, we were both responsible for that mismatch.

I know you're angry with her now, and this phase is natural, but continuing to seethe with resentment is a waste of energy because it consumes emotional resources that would be much better directed towards moving on into your new life. I think when some time has passed you'll come round to this way of thinking on your own steam. Good luck.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 12:44 PM   #11
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

I hear what you're saying, Laylah. "Blame" may be too strong. She is the person who caused this to happen. But I don't see it as us "not being a match". Until just recently, we had a very good relationship. Everyone who knew us never thought this would happen between us because of the way were interacted with one another. Again I will say, I enjoyed my marriage and all the things we did together. And she seemed to, of course I don't really know because I can't read minds. However, I noticed a change when she started working at the place she is working at now. She was a very sweet person. . . . . .until she made the move, and now, . . I don't know her at all.

I appreciate your words, and I know that time will heal the wounds. Perhaps now that there is a finality in the works, things will get better for me, in that sense.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 01:03 PM   #12
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EDC_Light View Post
I hear what you're saying, Laylah. "Blame" may be too strong. She is the person who caused this to happen. But I don't see it as us "not being a match". Until just recently, we had a very good relationship. Everyone who knew us never thought this would happen between us because of the way were interacted with one another. Again I will say, I enjoyed my marriage and all the things we did together. And she seemed to, of course I don't really know because I can't read minds. However, I noticed a change when she started working at the place she is working at now. She was a very sweet person. . . . . .until she made the move, and now, . . I don't know her at all.

I appreciate your words, and I know that time will heal the wounds. Perhaps now that there is a finality in the works, things will get better for me, in that sense.
Do you think she may have begun an affair at this new workplace? If my partners behaviour was all-of-a-sudden very out of character and that coincided with him beginning a new job, that'd be the first thing I'd suspect.

Last edited by Laylah; 03-30-2007 at 01:03 PM.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 01:12 PM   #13
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

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Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
Do you think she may have begun an affair at this new workplace? If my partners behaviour was all-of-a-sudden very out of character and that coincided with him beginning a new job, that'd be the first thing I'd suspect.
Well, that was a catylist that started this all up, about 6 months ago. She started being friends with another guy and after work, one night, she said that she was going to Taco Bell to talk to him "because he is at school all day and this was the only time they could talk". She got off at around 10:30pm and didn't come home until around 1:30 am. I let her know that I was uncomfortable with her doing that. About a month later, she told me that her and her girlfriends, from work, were going to see a movie and that she would be late. She was, not getting home until around 1:00 am. That night she said, "oh, by the way, I didn't go see the movie with the girls but with Mike." It was all down hill from there. That's when she changed and said that she doesn't want to be married. It just took her nearly 6 months to make it official, though.

 
Old 03-30-2007, 01:13 PM   #14
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

Do you think she is seeing this man now?

 
Old 03-30-2007, 01:22 PM   #15
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Re: She just told me she's drawing up divorce papers.

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Originally Posted by apple_juice View Post
Do you think she is seeing this man now?
I'd be willing to bet that she is. I'm sorry to say it sounds like she had an affair EDC Light. Perhaps he'll end up screwing around on her. Karma is a wonderful thing...

 
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