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Old 05-26-2007, 11:11 AM   #1
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I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

I am extremely ****** off.

Some of you have seen my other post surrounding my wife ending our marriage for no good reason other than that she just "didn't want to be married anymore". If you haven't seen the post, search for my name in the Relationship Health section.

Why is it that the person who caused, and is causing SO much pain in other people's lives is the one who seems to be doing extremely well for herself???? My ex wife was the one who broke a promise before God, the courts, especially ME, yet SHE seems to be doing great in her life!! I just got off the phone with her grandmother, who my ex has also chosen to step out of that relationship (she never really wanted to see them anyway when we were married). Her grandfather is in the hospital and almost died, and is still in ICU after surgery to remove lung cancer, and my ex hasn't even gone to see him. Mary (that's the grandmother) told me that my ex hasn't even talked to them in a long time, and not even about the divorce, and never calls them back, even when they have always done thing to show her love, for years. They even bought the house she is living in right now, that we lived in for a couple of years, . . . a house that cost about $140K. She has never been grateful to them for anything they did. Yet she still lives in the house that they bought!

Here's the thing that makes me , SHE is the one that got the nice house for no charge, the big HDTV, the huge king size bed, comfortable sectional, etc, . . . even when SHE was completely in the wrong here, . . .AND I just found out that she received a sizable amount from the estate from her father, who past away 4 years ago!!!! It came out to me $153K!!!!! It looks like SHE is living the good life. . . and I'm living in a one bedroom apartment in the freakin' ghetto!!

All she cares about is herself. She doesn't care about her grandparent, sure as hell doesn't care about me, and doesn't care about spiritual matters, just her stupid party friends and her animals. Yet SHE is receiving all this "blessing". I did my part,. . . tried my best to keep the marriage together and I have little to show for it! She has destroyed a marriage, doesn't care about anyone but herself, and she has no house payment, AND at least $153,000 in the bank!!! ***!!!!!!!!

Life truly is utterly unfair and is cruel on so many levels. I did what anyone who loved their spouse would do, tried to reconcile with her, lost SO much, . . . and have nothing to show for it, yet SHE gets so much! Where's that Karma people keep talking about????

I just do NOT get it.

 
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Old 05-26-2007, 11:55 AM   #2
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

I am assuming she knew about the estate inheritance and maybe this pushed her to end the marriage, didn't want to share it with you since she had moved on emotionally. As I found out there is no karma, there is no justice, you just have to move on and do what you want with you life, not look at what others have, but do what you have to, to make your dreams come true. I'm a person that has been through some really rough times since I was very young and always kept positive, when one door closes another opens, and I wouldn't be where I am today if some of these really bad things didn't happen to me. Its made me appreciate the fact that I can do it on my own. Its not easy but it is gratifying when I succeed. This is your time to shine, stop looking at her material things, that' s all they are. The anger, the resentment and the envy of what she has will make you a bitter person, count your blessing that your not sharing a life with someone who doesn't love you, you deserve to look into the eyes of someone who truly loves you for the rest of your life.

 
Old 05-26-2007, 12:30 PM   #3
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

This is what I think...Was she working and able to support herself while you were married? Curious because I am assuming from what you just said is that she was getting a sizable amount of money and she didn't need you to support her anymore. There's a whole lot of that going on...I'd say "now" but it's certainly nothing new. Women often time marry(or live with men) for no other reason than for support. She doesn't need anyone to support her financially anymore so it's "bye bye hubby!" Sorry but I think that's exactly what's happened to you...you were a victim of someone that was just using you for your money. That sounds like a lot of money but I'll betcha she'll blow it like she's loaded and it will be gone gone gone in no time flat! Then you'll get your Karma! HAHAHA!!!!!!
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Old 05-27-2007, 10:45 AM   #4
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

The best thing for you is a total detachment from her. She is a stranger for you and it doesn't matter what she has and what she hasn't. You need to concentrate on heeling yourself and moving on with your life. Believe me, I am not perfect myself and have hard time with that.
I saw many times people who treated me rotten and deserved to be punushed doing great in life.
In terms of your living conditions, as a foreighner I can tell you that it could be so much worse and you have opportunities here to do better if you try and it is not always the case.
You told us that you are going to therapist, doesn't seem to me that he is doing his job. May be try selfhelp or support group.

 
Old 05-27-2007, 09:24 PM   #5
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

I can certainly understand how you'd be angry. But at the risk of sounding horribly cliche, the best revenge is definitely a life well-lived. That is your task right now. I don't think it's worthwhile to get into karma per se, but the fact is, nobody knows if karma exists or not until all is said or done, which is when we cease to exist. In future years, you really don't know what will befall your soon-to-be ex-wife. Things may seem to be great for her now, and not so great for you, but that can change in an instant, and can also change over time with hard work and a commitment to rebuilding your life.

Try not to place so much emphasis on her current material status. A big house and a nice TV is not a substitute for lacking compassion. In the grand scheme of things, those things really don't matter. She may not be the kind of granddaughter that she should be, but it isn't your problem. All you can do is be the best that you can be, and not think or worry about what she is doing.

 
Old 05-29-2007, 08:09 AM   #6
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

Instead of replying to each post (and thanks to each of you!!!!), I will respond to what I'm getting from the posts here.

I can see how bitterness can become intertwined into my life, if I keep thinking of this. I was talking to a friend on Sunday who said the same thing about not letting a bitter root take hold in my life.

I want to tell you all, . . . it has been, and continues to be, the BIGGEST life challenge I've been facing these past 7 1/2 months since the seperation and now finalized divorce. Sometimes I feel as though I've been in a LONG nightmare and I'll soon wake up from it.

But, I will say this, . . . and I DO mean it. I would rather be in a passionate loving marriage, and not have a lot of things, than have a lot of things, and be in a passion-less cold marriage with someone who really didn't want me there.

Perhaps that "passionate marriage" will happen someday. Maybe it won't. I am determined to make the best of my life, regardless. I'd prefer not to spend that life alone, though. Perhaps a quality life isn't easy to obtain, but it would make the life much better, IMO.

Well, I'm don't plan on looking for that passionate relationship, but should I find myself surprised, . . . well, words may not be adequate to express my thoughts.

By the way, in case you are wondering, I am doing better today than I was on Saturday.

 
Old 05-29-2007, 08:16 AM   #7
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

i'm not usually for this kinda thing...buuuuut why aren't you going for half of that money?
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Old 05-29-2007, 08:20 AM   #8
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

Usually inheritance is not split up in a divorce. It also looks to me like she made certain she got the divorce first before the money came to her just to be on the safe side...am I right?

 
Old 05-29-2007, 08:44 AM   #9
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

Half right. She made sure it was pushed through before I knew she even had it, . . . and had a clause in the papers stating the inability for either of us to file a lawsuit against the other.

How stupid was I not to catch on??


Nothing I can do about it now, just live my life from this point on.

 
Old 05-29-2007, 08:45 AM   #10
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

From waht i see here you have no kids with her and thank God for that. I would have to say that she is self centered,snob,childish woman who only cares for herself and what she can drain out of anyone even her own flesh and blood. SHAME on her! I am not sure why you didnt fight her for the house or furniture or anything but that is your business. I will say that you need to heal and you will eventually, right now you are upset and bitter and I dont blame you.

But believe that she will get hers. It might not be something that you see, it might not be until she has to speak to St. Peter at the gates of heaven and explain herself. But trust me she will get hers.

Besides I think you got the better deal....Look at my list!

Exwife got:
House
Furniture
Money in the bank
Everything that was yours
This makes her a witch! Well add a B

EDC_light got:
Morals
Still has his soul
This makes you someone that another woman would love to have and share her life with eventually down the road.

PRICELESS!

 
Old 05-29-2007, 12:13 PM   #11
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

All I can say is that this is all very hard to not dwell on. I know it isn't healthy, but I just can't believe that she would do what she did to me, the "cold bloodedness" of it, even when she "doesn't want me to hate her". What just occured to me is this. . . . . .She drew up the papers for the divorce, including the clauses spoken above, all while she was sitting on all that money. She knew I had nothing, yet was so increadibly hateful to me in making sure she got just about everything we accumulated! I just can't understand how she got that way. I understand not wanting to be married, but she basically took the divorce papers and shoved them as far up my butt as she could. And I never did anything to her that deserved what she did to me. All I did was try to save a marriage and to tell her how much I cared for her still.

I can't believe how foolish I was to "role over and take it" like I did.

As you may very well see, this may take a while for me to get over.

 
Old 05-29-2007, 12:51 PM   #12
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

I wouldn't call her hatefull towards you, but rather greedy and uncaring. She doesn't care if you have any money. She cares only about herself. She is just taking whatever she can take. So what if she has 100k+ in the bank, why not have more. Money is never enough.
It is very hard thing to live through. It is understandable at least to me that you have to vent. In my experience "shrinks" don't want you to vent but move on right away. This room is about the only place to vent unless you lucky to have a good friend.
As I said before, you should be happy that you don't have kids together and can have a clean break up with this person.

Last edited by galinaqt; 05-29-2007 at 12:53 PM.

 
Old 05-29-2007, 01:29 PM   #13
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EDC_Light View Post
Life truly is utterly unfair and is cruel on so many levels. I did what anyone who loved their spouse would do, tried to reconcile with her, lost SO much, . . . and have nothing to show for it, yet SHE gets so much! Where's that Karma people keep talking about????

I just do NOT get it.
I can tell you are a man of faith so don't question things that you can't control.

Your ex got material possessions, things that will not be there for her when it is time for her to meet her maker. Trust me, when the time comes she will get what she deserves!

You have something that money can't buy. You may be struggling financially right now and this may take a while for you to truly get over. Just remember, we are never given more than we can't handle and this whole ordeal will make you a stronger person. When your time comes this will be noticed where it counts.

I know it very hard not to be bitter and upset about everything but in the long run these emotions will start to take a toll on you physically. Don't let her have the satisfaction of thinking that she got the better of you. You are a better person and when you are ready you will be able to move on and find someone who is deserving of all you have to offer.

 
Old 05-29-2007, 01:39 PM   #14
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

And just remember that misery loves company...this same things happens to men and women everyday...day in and day out! It's a cruel cruel world!!!!! What's happened to you is nothing out the ordinary for sure!!!!! Just be glad you didn't just discover that you had cancer like my EX BIL and EX SIL(both!)!!!

 
Old 05-29-2007, 01:45 PM   #15
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Re: I'm so ANGRY at the unfair turn in my divorce.

Quote:
Originally Posted by galinaqt View Post
I wouldn't call her hatefull towards you, but rather greedy and uncaring. She doesn't care if you have any money. She cares only about herself. She is just taking whatever she can take. So what if she has 100k+ in the bank, why not have more. Money is never enough.
It is very hard thing to live through. It is understandable at least to me that you have to vent. In my experience "shrinks" don't want you to vent but move on right away. This room is about the only place to vent unless you lucky to have a good friend.
As I said before, you should be happy that you don't have kids together and can have a clean break up with this person.
No kids is so good. Divorce between two people with kids is probably much worse than what I'm going through. I wouldn't know. . . . . and I suppose I'm fortunate in that sense. Thanks, galinaqt.

 
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