I feel awful for saying this, but my parents should get divorced. I lived away from home for many years and have been enjoying recovery. I move back home, my parents are always fighting and all I can think about is resorting to anorexia. I hate feeling like this, but I can't stand the fighting and my mom makes me feel so inadequate. I just stopped therapy and everyone who knows about my history is half way across the country. I don't know what to do or where to turn. HELP!
I'm so sorry you're stuck in the middle of this- but remember it's their problem. Yes, it effects you deeply, but you don't have to be a mediator or peacemaker- it's not fair to you, and is too much to ask of a daughter. Your 'job' is to stay well. Resorting to anorexia won't fix their relationship.
I know that it's not my job to be a peace maker and I don't even try to get involved. All the yelling and screaming deeply bothers me and I'm not sure how to combat it. If I leave it just makes the situation worse and earpugs don't work. I know it's not my fault, but I still feel that way. On some level it is my fault because they stayed together for me when they shouldn't have. I'm so distressed; I don't know what to do or where to turn.
It's hard to understand any situation involving other people completely, but I must say I believe that even if your parents chose to stay together believing it was better for you, you still cannot be held responsible. After all, THEY were the adults, and THEY made the decision, which may or may not have been the "right" one. Either way, it was their choice, not yours. You, unfortunately, are caught in the middle - and have to deal with the fallout. So - what are your options? What can you do to make it managable? Is talking to your parents about how their arguing affects you a possibility? Maybe it would help to come here in the midst of things, simply to vent...
I completely understand what you are going through. My parents are in the same situation. Sometimes they are fine and I try and think that maybe they are just the type of couple that can't live apart, but can't live together. But other times it is blatantly obvious that they would both be happier apart. My mom is a little bit psycho and my dad is very passive, so, together, they make a deadly duo. I get a knot in my stomach every time I am around them at the same time. It is horrible.
For years I've felt responsible for their happiness - why do I deserve to be happy if my parents aren't even happy!?!? But you know what, now that I am recovered and living on my own, I realize that I am a separate individual and I have to focus on my own happiness - not theirs. They are big kids now. They can fight their own battles (sorry for the pun) and they are the only ones that can control their own happiness.
You having an eating disorder will not help them. It will not make you less vulnerable, less responsible, less anything, but healthy. You have to focus on YOUR life and YOUR happiness - take control of it. Don't let their fighting and unhappiness limit your happiness. It's a horrible situation to have to deal with and I wish it could be different for you, but it probably can't and you have to move on. No one is perfect...we just have to make do with what we can and be happy.