Since the divorce, I'm not "ultimately happy". - Divorce & Separation Message Board

EDC_Light · 10-04-2007, 08:00 AM

It's going on a year since my wife told me that she was no longer interested in me and would rather have her freedom to go out with whomever she wants, guys that she liked, included, . . . and when we separated. The divorce was official the 9th of May, but the whole thing started in mid October 2006. I loved her and all this caught me totally by surprise because we always had a lot of fun together, even up to the evening before it all came crashing down. To this day, I still have no idea why it all happened.

Now that all that has been qualified, as the year "anniversary" approaches, I can see that I'm still not "ultimately happy". I know that probably few are, but at the end of the day, I really don't have a lot of joy in my spirit as I lay my head on my pillow. I'm not depressed, and still go through my day well enough, enjoy my hobbies, my family (especially my little neice, who is an absolute doll), and am still active in my church. My spiritual life has taken a hit as well, though I'm also working on those issues.

I don't want to take medications because I would rather work through "the darkness" and learn the lessons that it can teach, so I was wondering if my feelings of this "non-ultimate happiness" is still normal at this time, and if so, when would it "become a problem"?

FWIW: Absolutely no feelings of suicide. I am looking for ways to improve my life.

rosequartz · 10-04-2007, 08:03 AM

well it takes a while for the shock of divorce to wear off. Have you tried exercizing? It releases endorphins in the brain that are suppossed to help with good feelings/happiness.....

EDC_Light · 10-04-2007, 08:32 AM

Yes. I'm trying to build up my relatively small male upper body.

Basically, I'm trying to limit the size of my tiny pooch (belly) while increasing the size of my chest and arms. Progress is slllloooooowwwww.

Since the weather is getting nicer, I will start taking my bike out to the trails to ride.

Thanks, rosequartz, for your continued advice. You've been one of the "long haulers" for me, and I appreciate it.

One other thing I'm working on is achieving happiness in the face of possible "singleness for the rest of my life". A very possible (and probably more probable) situation for my future. My counselor tried to uplift me, last time I stopped in for a quick visit, by saying that he bet there were "millions of girls out there that would love to be with me".

I understand that he was just trying to lift my spirits that particular day, but I have to come to a place of peace and joy even when it is in singleness, . . . .even though I would love to find that "person meant for me" (whatever that even means), being in peace with my life when it never comes to be. It will be tough, but that's what I'm working on right now.

rosequartz · 10-04-2007, 08:43 AM

you're welcome......
glad to hear you're exercizing....I have to start.....LOL
don't fret about maybe being single forever.....who knows what tomorrow will bring? when we got married we thought that was forever, right? you just don't know what's around the corner. And being single isn't the end of the world. You have total freedom to come and go as you please, do what you want, when you want......etc.
have you tried to meet anyone? it doesn't sound like you have, and that's ok too, but if you want to meet someone maybe look into on-line personals, etc.....although I can't say that that's so great either......but it's something.....

EDC_Light · 10-04-2007, 09:21 AM

Oh oh, rosequartz, . . . .don't get me started on those online dating sites!! One, all I got was scammers, the others have been non-productive. In fact, one of the main ones was unable to match me with anyone. In others, I don't "measure up". You probably know the sites (and will have to go unmentioned on here), but they send you emails of your "possible matches". It is inevitable that when I click on them, I'm either too old, too short, or don't make enough money, . . . or a combination. I've "winked" at a few girls, where I matched their age, height, etc, but never received anything back from them. I'm just glad that I didn't actually spend any money on them yet.

As for having freedom to do what I want, when I want, . . . that is a plus. I choose where I go, when I go there, how I get there, why I am even going (or choosing not to go), etc. So there IS a plus to the single life.

But, you're right, . . . . no one has any idea what tomorrow is going to hold. That day in mid October 2006, I had NO IDEA it would turn out as it did. So, even though I SEE no future of a "true love relationship", I suppose I could be surprised yet.