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Old 11-14-2007, 08:07 AM   #16
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linda38 HB User
Re: he's still not divorced

Your right I do need to stick up for myself. And this has gone on long enough, either he really wants to be with me or not. And needs to look at this from my side. So this means I need to give him an ultimatum. But what is to say that he does do this divorce and could go back with her later. I guess I don't feel this commitment from him or strong love I should say. I don't know if he would be upset or fight for me if I left. I guess if i don't do this i won't know. Everyone has been so helpful and supportive and really been honest with me. This is the only place i can talk and have people who really understand. Thank you!

 
Old 11-29-2007, 12:35 PM   #17
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Re: he's still not divorced

remember when I said that the judge postponed the court date, well that was true and reason being was because she didn;t have the information from the mediator. The judge sent out the papers just this week. now my boyfriend told me that his lawyer said that they could avoid going to court by both of them looking over the papers and signing them and giving them back to their attorneys. Is this true or is it by law that you have to have a court date? or is this just another delay.

 
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Old 11-29-2007, 12:41 PM   #18
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Re: he's still not divorced

I know they can both sign the papers in front of witnesses (ie. their lawyers) but they still have to have a court date to get the divorce finalized and make final arrangements for child custody, joint assets, etc.. Is he saying that once the papers are signed it is over? Because that wasn't the case in my divorce. Of course, we also didn't have lawyers.

Last edited by happymom28; 11-29-2007 at 12:42 PM.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 12:58 PM   #19
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Re: he's still not divorced

everything has been divided and custody has been set. so i would think a court date would be set to have the divorce final.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 01:05 PM   #20
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Re: he's still not divorced

It just may be possible then that their lawyers can go in without them if all the paperwork is signed. Of course, since I didn't use a lawyer I am not 100% on that though.

 
Old 11-30-2007, 12:33 PM   #21
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Re: he's still not divorced

Hello,

I have to ask: Why is it so important to you that he get the divorce? And to those of you saying "if he really wanted to...he would....and he might go back to her.....".

I was separated for 6 years before I finally got my divorce. Why didn't I do it? The were many reasons, but money was definitely a big factor! The tax break I got for filing married was huge. Also, the insurance on my vehicles, and she did say she would contest it. She actually did end up contesting it and I paid over $7,000 before finally getting the divorce and full custody of my son. Honestly, the only reason I did go foward with the divorce is because I wanted to ask my new girlfriend at the time to marry me......and I couldn't be enagaged and married at the same time! But the bottom line is that in that 6 years, both girlfriends didn't have a problem with it. I don't see why someone would unless they too were ready to get married, and then if the guy didn't want to go through with it.....sure, I see an issue then. Linda, I would caution that if you really truly love this guy and see a future, you don't want to push him away either...

Good luck,
Skarn

 
Old 11-30-2007, 05:43 PM   #22
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Re: he's still not divorced

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skarn View Post
Hello,

I have to ask: Why is it so important to you that he get the divorce? And to those of you saying "if he really wanted to...he would....and he might go back to her.....".

I was separated for 6 years before I finally got my divorce. Why didn't I do it? The were many reasons, but money was definitely a big factor! The tax break I got for filing married was huge. Also, the insurance on my vehicles, and she did say she would contest it. She actually did end up contesting it and I paid over $7,000 before finally getting the divorce and full custody of my son. Honestly, the only reason I did go foward with the divorce is because I wanted to ask my new girlfriend at the time to marry me......and I couldn't be enagaged and married at the same time! But the bottom line is that in that 6 years, both girlfriends didn't have a problem with it. I don't see why someone would unless they too were ready to get married, and then if the guy didn't want to go through with it.....sure, I see an issue then. Linda, I would caution that if you really truly love this guy and see a future, you don't want to push him away either...

Good luck,
Skarn
Sorry Skarn, it seems we are just disagreeing all over the place, lol! I feel if a man is ready to move on he should be ready to divorce. If not, I wouldn't even entertain the idea of dating a married man. If money was more important than I was, then he'd be putting a price on my head, and whatever that was, it'd be less than I was worth; so it'd be goodbye moneybags, as far as I was concerned!

 
Old 12-03-2007, 08:28 AM   #23
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Re: he's still not divorced

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
Sorry Skarn, it seems we are just disagreeing all over the place, lol! I feel if a man is ready to move on he should be ready to divorce. If not, I wouldn't even entertain the idea of dating a married man. If money was more important than I was, then he'd be putting a price on my head, and whatever that was, it'd be less than I was worth; so it'd be goodbye moneybags, as far as I was concerned!
LOL, no problem Layla, that's why people are so diverse!

And just for record, I didn't put money before any woman.....it's just I never dated any that cared that I was still married. And when it came time for me to propose, I got divorced.

Skarn

 
Old 12-03-2007, 09:40 AM   #24
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Re: he's still not divorced

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skarn View Post
LOL, no problem Layla, that's why people are so diverse!

And just for record, I didn't put money before any woman.....it's just I never dated any that cared that I was still married. And when it came time for me to propose, I got divorced.

Skarn
Just out of nosiness Skarn, did you get your divorce finalised before you proposed? I'm asking this because if a married man proposed to me I'd probably hop the ring off his head, ha ha ha!

 
Old 12-03-2007, 01:14 PM   #25
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Re: he's still not divorced

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
Just out of nosiness Skarn, did you get your divorce finalised before you proposed? I'm asking this because if a married man proposed to me I'd probably hop the ring off his head, ha ha ha!
Not being nosey, ask away!

Yes, I did get it finalised before I proposed. But the interesting thing is that she too was married when we first started dating! She had been legally separated for over 5 years however. So it's not just men that don't go running to the lawyers immediately!

LOL, you are funny and honestly, if the woman I was with REALLY had an issue with me being married even though we'd been legally separated since 1997, and I was in love with her, I'd do what was necessary to keep her. I just honestly never met a woman that it mattered to. But that would be funny to see the ring bouncing off a noggin!

Skarn

 
Old 12-03-2007, 02:13 PM   #26
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linda38 HB User
Re: he's still not divorced

Wow, it is good to see the other side for a change. Skarn, I was to separated from my husband when my boyfriend and I got together. However, I wanted the divorce and I didn't want it to drag for months and months. The only thing that was important to me was the kids. Material items did not matter, going into the work force after being a stay at home mom for over 6 years didn;t scare me. I did it, I did what i had to do to make it financially and for my kids. Why drag them threw all the drawn out process. I feel that if a man is truly a man he would do the right thing by everyone. You seemed to be more concerned for your financial well being, than truly the other persons feelings that you are with. I am not in any hurry to get married, I hope we do in the future. But this relationship is not me and him, its "me, him and HER." Shes still concidered the wife and I am the mistress. And I have a problem with that. do you have kids? did your kids know that you were still married and in a relationship with someone else, how did you explain that to them. And I shouldn't of put my kids threw this either. So he should either get the divorce or he will have to find someone else. I'm not going to do this to my self anymore, I have let it go on way to long now.

 
Old 12-03-2007, 07:39 PM   #27
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Re: he's still not divorced

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skarn View Post
Not being nosey, ask away!

Yes, I did get it finalised before I proposed. But the interesting thing is that she too was married when we first started dating! She had been legally separated for over 5 years however. So it's not just men that don't go running to the lawyers immediately!

LOL, you are funny and honestly, if the woman I was with REALLY had an issue with me being married even though we'd been legally separated since 1997, and I was in love with her, I'd do what was necessary to keep her. I just honestly never met a woman that it mattered to. But that would be funny to see the ring bouncing off a noggin!

Skarn
First off, you're a Brit, aren't you? I've never heard a Yank say "noggin!" LOL

Secondly, as to the marriage thing; I'd just be terribly insulted if a married man (and yes, we females do get bothered by the fact that the man we love can still be referred to as another womans husband!) Lucky for me I've never had the experience, I can only imagine it, but I do know that it would bother me deeply. My bf was granted his annulment many moons ago, long before we got together; still, I know it'd do me an emotional injury to hear some cow calling on the phone wanting to speak to her husband!

I think females actually desire commitment in a sense that transcends want; I think we feel it tightly suffused with requirement, so much so that it is actually felt as need, rather than want, if you understand what I mean. I would not be interested in dealing with another womans husband, whether on paper, or in any other sense. (Nor would I be interested in any other woman dealing with mine, but I think I've already made that point elsewhere on these boards! ha ha! )

 
Old 12-04-2007, 08:04 AM   #28
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Re: he's still not divorced

Laylah and Linda,

Thank you both for your opinions!

One comment for Linda. You stated "I feel that if a man is truly a man he would do the right thing by everyone. You seemed to be more concerned for your financial well being, than truly the other persons feelings that you are with." I don't agree at all, as I stated, I simply did not see the need since the persons I was with had NO problem with it. I asked every one of them and they knew it was simply a piece of paper. I also stated that IF the person I was with really had a problem with me being married and I loved her, I would do what was necessary to keep her!

As for kids, I have a beautiful son that turns 15 this Sunday. Yes he knew I was still legally married to his Mom, but he also knew his Mom had not lived with me or been romantically involved with me since he was 5 years old! He could have cared less if I was legally married or not. I have a very good friend that has been separated now for 3 years and has a girlfriend of 1 year...she has never asked him to get divorced and simply doesn't care...she know's it's only a piece of paper. I'm sure if it gets more serious and they are thinking about marriage, he'll get divorced.

Laylah, when the ex would call, she'd NEVER ask for her husband! LOL, that's just silly. I should bop you on your noggin'! And no, I'm not a Brit, I'm actually American

As my final thought: I can't imagine letting a simple piece of paper end a relationship that I felt was important to me, especially if I loved that person. BUT, on the other hand, if the person I was with had a problem with me still being married, and I knew she was someone I wanted a long-term relationship with, I can't imagine NOT getting the divorce.

Skarn

 
Old 12-04-2007, 11:01 AM   #29
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linda38 HB User
Re: he's still not divorced

I don't want this relationship to end and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I know he does to. But if he can't respect my feelings on the matter, what choice do I have. He knows this is upsetting to me and I don't want it to be that "well I'll get the divorce now because I want to marry you". How do you think that makes me feel. It really hurts. you said that if it was important to your girlfriend (and you know that you want to be with her) that you get the divorce or would loose her, you would do it. So how should I go about this?

 
Old 12-04-2007, 11:59 AM   #30
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Re: he's still not divorced

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skarn View Post
Laylah, when the ex would call, she'd NEVER ask for her husband! LOL, that's just silly. I should bop you on your noggin'! And no, I'm not a Brit, I'm actually American
Ouch, I felt that, lol! My point is, I wouldn't want a woman to be reasonably able to say that, regardless whether she did or not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skarn View Post
...she has never asked him to get divorced and simply doesn't care...she know's it's only a piece of paper. I'm sure if it gets more serious and they are thinking about marriage, he'll get divorced
Well, this is the bit I just don't get Scarn; how come one minute it's just a "piece of paper", then the next minute it's a piece of paper worth divorcing someone over for the sole purpose of obtaining another piece of paper! I mean, either that piece of paper is worth something, or it's not! You cant go rushing to tear up one piece of paper in order to sign another piece of paper and all the while maintain pieces of paper have no significance at all! LOL!

 
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