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Divorce & Separation Message Board
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Old 02-10-2008, 10:11 PM   #1
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Divorce

I have been married for 21 years which I can say for the past 15 I have been so unhappy. He is a great provider and is great w/ my son but his relationship w/ our daughter is not as good. I work but only part-time since I always had to cart the kids around. Lately I feel I am ready to go through w/ the divorce. He is always so negative and always thinks of himself. He has put on alot of weight and I feel is very depressed. Even the kids think he is a grouch most of the time and seems so unhappy. I am just so scared to be on my own but I have realized I don't want to live my life w/ a person who brings me down and is not caring and loving. He is more just a roomate and I am his maid and guardian. Someone said I just need to talk to a lawyer and I guess that is a start. I wish I could be strong like others but it is just so hard to move on and start new. I would love to be loved again by someone. You know when your relationship is going down hill when you don't even want to tell the person what is going on w/ your life anymore and you always confined in your girlfriends. Just confused!

 
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Old 02-10-2008, 11:21 PM   #2
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Re: Divorce

Write out a plan for the rest of your life. Start with the immediate stuff (where do you want to live?, What furniture do you wish to keep?, etc etc). Research everything, your rights, prospects for living alone, where, how much, what you need to get/change, all of that. Get everything clear in your head, you can afford to plan your move thoroughly and prepare. It is a leap into the unknown, but also quite exciting to move into a life you want to have. Sera

 
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Old 02-11-2008, 12:22 AM   #3
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Divorce

Sera's suggestion would be great. But whatever you have decided to do, or whichever way you choose to take, it is important that you are "complete" with all that had happened. Otherwise, you bring whatever not complete to your next relationship, next job, next.... I know of one program which had supported me in doing that. It;'s not about fixing problems but identifying our blindspots and from here gives us a new view of life, and this provides new opening for actions to move on without blaming anyone including ourselves, but gives us new power to create our life once again. You may like to call the company Landmark Education at Atlanta 1-770-986-1140 (nearest to you) to find out more.
thanks.

 
Old 02-11-2008, 09:33 AM   #4
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Re: Divorce

If your husband were to get help for his depression and become happy again, would you be willing to save your marriage?
It seems you just want to leave without trying to fix anything. Perhaps you have tried to fix things so maybe you could tell us about that.

You deserve happiness, but I don't think you should leave a marriage without trying to work on things first. If he doesn't want to work on anything, then I guess you have no choice.

 
Old 02-11-2008, 12:35 PM   #5
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Re: Divorce

Personally, I think 15 years is far too long to be unhappy. if you feel you can't be happy in this, then leave. I know it's scary, I left a bad marriage as well, there was nothing awful, as in no abuse or cheating, but we just had nothing together, faught too much, and it couldn't be worked out. It was hard to leave, but also the biggest releif of my life, there is nothing lonelier than being in a bad marriage.

 
Old 02-11-2008, 03:36 PM   #6
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Re: Divorce

HappySap,

As someone who is currently going through a divorce, I can tell you that it is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. I agree with others that 15 years is way too long to live in an unhappy situation. My marriage lasted 11 years and I can honestly say that the past 4 have been a nightmare. I understand what your saying about not confiding in your spouse anymore--I stopped doing that about 2 years ago. I would tell my friends and family about my life, but since my spouse was so wrapped up in himself, I didn't even bother telling him about anything.

If this is really what you want, believe me, you will find the strength to go through with it. I never thought in a million years that I could leave my husband, but I have, and my divorce will be finalized in 7 weeks. I finally came to that realization that I deserve to be happy in life. Whatever you choose, I wish you all the best.

 
Old 02-11-2008, 08:44 PM   #7
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Re: Divorce

He said we would go to counselingand that was 10 yrs ago and he went one time and couldn't handle what the counselor said and refused to go back. So I did try that. I have tried working on making time for us but then he was always making excuses. I feel I have given it my all and he takes everything for granted.

 
Old 02-11-2008, 09:57 PM   #8
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Re: Divorce

If you really feel like you have given it your all, then you have your answer. Stay in an unhappy situation cheating yourself, or get out and make a new life for yourself without him.

 
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