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Old 02-16-2008, 09:48 PM   #1
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help... my parents are getting a divorce

I do not know what to do.. their relationship has not been a healthy one for a very long time. And here I am close to being 26.. and they are finally cutting the line.

I am sad.. I am depressed, but they let it get so bad.. how do I handle this. I have alot of siblings.. all younger than me.. the youngest is 4 or 5 now. I just feel lost.. I feel sad because of lost time, I have lived away from my family for almost 4 1/2 years now... I have not seen them in 2 because of problems my mother and I were having and then my sister, then my dad.

How do I deal with this. I am actually rambling... I feel so lost.. I should be a strong woman though, but I feel like a child again all of a sudden.

Help!

 
Old 02-17-2008, 06:32 AM   #2
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Re: help... my parents are getting a divorce

Well, if your parents want to get a divorce thier is really nothing you can do to change that, I know it will probably be hard on all of the children including you because nobody wants to see thier parents split up, we all try to make justifications about how it could of worked if we just tried this or just tried that, but in reality, sometimes people just need to go thier seperate ways to function and live a healthier and happier life, All i can really suggest to you is, continue to try to be thier for your siblings, i know they have thier mother and hopefully thier father to some extent, but sometimes what a sibling really needs is a stronger older sibling to set the right examples and just be there for them to talk to and share thier feelings with, because i believe its when we stop those lines communication that situations like these become alot harder to handle and take a bigger effect on us. So be strong and be there for your family. You will get through this, Its only as hard as you make it.

 
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Old 02-17-2008, 06:38 AM   #3
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Re: help... my parents are getting a divorce

I agree with open mind. Divorce is a fact of life, sometimes people just cant get along. Sometimes staying together is worse on the little ones anyway!! But you are 26, time to put the inner child away and be there for your younger siblings, especially the ones that have no clue what divorce is , let alone why it is happening. Get closer to them, show them they are still loved.have a conversation with your parents about telling the young ones what is going on, and how they will both still love them. Even tho u are 26, you still need to know that mom and dad love you as well.

 
Old 02-17-2008, 09:44 AM   #4
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Re: help... my parents are getting a divorce

Awww, I'm sorry. My parents separated when I was sixteen. (I don't even know if they are officially divorced or not). They're on good terms with each other, although they were NEVER suited for each other romantically and only got married because of an unintentional pregnancy (that would be me).

It is hard knowing that your parents are separating and won't be together anymore. It is sad. But if they don't have a good relationship then they will be better off apart.

If you haven't seen your family in awhile, maybe you should make an effort to.
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Old 02-17-2008, 10:46 AM   #5
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Re: help... my parents are getting a divorce

Are you the member whose Mother was so mean and took money and wouldn't pay you back? Then had everyone turn on you? I get people mixed up but if that's you then I can see why they'd divorce...she is crazy! But you may be a different person?

Just wanted to add that just because they are getting a divorce does not mean they are divorcing you...you shouldn't feel like you are losing anyone. I know that when I got a divorce my family acted like I was leaving the family or something...it was very devastating to me. Try not to take sides or treat either of them like they are outcasts like my family did me...I cannot tell you how hurtful it was and actually still is because I will never as long as I live forgive them for how they treated me!
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Last edited by BeaTrade; 02-17-2008 at 03:05 PM.

 
Old 02-21-2008, 10:54 PM   #6
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Re: help... my parents are getting a divorce

Sorry I have not replied I have been crazy busy. Thank you all for responding.

Sorry for my ramblings. I feel dumb in overreacting as I did. It would be better for them to be seperated, but now they are wanting to work things out.

Yes I am the girl with the crazy mother. And my father lately has become unbareable. He is constantly making comments about my life out here on the coast. He is constantly bad-mouthing my fiance. I have never told my parents about any of the fights we did have back in the day. So they have nothing to go on as for bad-mouthing.

My mother on the other hand had been seeming like she was getting better, but then again she goes off the handle and turns around on people who were just there backing her up and giving her support when she wanted to get a divorce. I am tired of this non-sense. This craziness. But I care for my siblings.

I just cannot take my family anymore! HELP! I really am worn out, beyond tired with them. I even get sick when I think about how much my parents tear one another apart with words in front of other fmaily members. And especially behind the others back. My parents have been calling me since last summer complaining about the other... one phone call - you father did this.. smoking this , etc, etc.. then my dad would call - your mother is still crazy, I am glad you are on talking terms but she is still insane, just wait and see what is going to happen.

I am just going crazy being in the middle. So I decided I am not going to talk to them for awhile.

Any other suggestions?

 
Old 02-22-2008, 08:46 AM   #7
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Re: help... my parents are getting a divorce

I remember your previous posts about your mom..

Why would you be sad that your dad no longer has be to tormented by your mother? ... I'd be thrilled for him! Your siblings will be fine. Don't worry about them. Maybe this will wake your mom up and she can get some help..and your father also..

Last edited by Ms_ENV27; 02-22-2008 at 09:44 AM.

 
Old 02-22-2008, 09:14 AM   #8
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Re: help... my parents are getting a divorce

My parents were officically/legally divorced by the time I was 7. Honestly, I think it was easier on me at that young age... that or I just repressed a lot of bad memories. I think I have 2 or 3 memories of father before he moved out.

I think the worst part is that even if they don't do it intentionally, parents put their children, at any age, in an awkward position. Sometimes they do try to use their kids to turn them against the other parent and that is below horrible. But even in the conversations like you mentioned you have on the phone, where they're bad mouthing the other.. its an uncomfortable and sad spot for you to be in. Growing up I always heard "your father this, your father that.. that man this.. that man that.." just negative after negative... even now, at 24 - 17 years later.. it still happens! They think they're just venting maybe and don't realize that no matter what happened between them, he is still your father and she is still your mother.

I don't know about your other posts and your relationship with your parents prior to this situation. But I think the best thign you can do for yourself is try to keep yourself out of their relationship problems. If they call you to complain about the other, just flat out say that you don't want to hear it. Hang up if you have to.

I'm lucky enough to not have been a part or (or atleast to not remember) all the back and forth of it all with my parents. I think it's best to distance yourself from the situation. Maybe you and your siblings can lean on each other for commfort and support.. but try to avoid the situation with your parents directly.

As far as handling any emotional stress, it always helps me to talk or write about it. As long as I'm getting my thoughts out, it helps relieve some of it. There is always family counseling as well.

Good luck with everything.

 
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