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Old 10-30-2008, 11:57 AM   #1
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bi-polar and marriage / divorce (long)

i was diagnosed this year as bi-polar. unfortunately it was after i left my husband. the fighting, demands, it was too much for me. (i left before our 1 year anniversary)

so i get diagnosed - on lamictal, lexapro, xanax and trazadone since august. going to therapy weekly since may and couples therapy bi-weekly (only have gone 3 times so far for couples).

he can bring up an issue he has with me and i withdraw and tell him to file for divorce. we meet for therapy, and i am gung-ho and ready to try it. two days, cycle starts over.

on monday i had him send the papers to the atty. atty asked wednesday to confirm and i tell him to wait.

i love him, and yes we have problems, but i dont know how to react or what i should do.

WWYD? talk to doc, meds might not be working as good as they should be?
not make a decision on my marriage until i am stable?
but then that forces him to be in limbo and wondering.

ugh - i am so confused.

 
Old 11-02-2008, 06:23 PM   #2
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Re: bi-polar and marriage / divorce (long)

Perhaps this is a time that you need to focus on getting yourself in the right place.. have you tried asking your husband how he would feel if you did that and then tried to work on the marriage? As it is you are dealing with a new condition (and one that's not always easy to deal with) and then the stress of a marriage.

WWID: work on myself first (as selfish as that may sound) because I can't be there for someone else when I'm not talking care of me... just my whole 2 cents worth.

 
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Old 11-03-2008, 06:53 AM   #3
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Re: bi-polar and marriage / divorce (long)

thank you tigger for your response. i have been trying to work on myself, but with bi-polar and BPD - my husband is ready to walk away if i dont exhibit some effort to save the marriage.

i struggle very hard at trying to make this all happen. its a lot of pressure for me, and i want to make sure i make the right decision.

i am pretty sure that if i asked him to give me some more time, that he would walk away.

maybe my answer is right there......

 
Old 11-04-2008, 03:41 PM   #4
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Re: bi-polar and marriage / divorce (long)

that could very well be... have you been able to get him to read anything about BPD? and what you are going through and why? I know it's hard. I lost 2 marriages to BPD (1 before I was diagnosed - the 2nd one had to do with the BPD)..... it is definitely not easy and I can honestly feel for you. My current husband actually took the time to research the disease and talk to a pdoc when I told him of my BPD.... it shows in how he is able to deal with me now. I truly wish you all the best.

But, you may have your answer if he is not wanting to be a willing participant in the process. HUGS!!!

 
Old 11-04-2008, 07:52 PM   #5
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Re: bi-polar and marriage / divorce (long)

I agree with Tigger. You cannot be happy until you get straightened out. It's that simple. Whether he waits or not is up to him but you need to fix you before you can fix the two of you.

On a better note, things will get better. I know it is overwhelming and I know you feel like giving up but one day you will be happy. One day you will truely find the "self" through all this madness and that is a wonderful feeling. That was the best for me, realizing that there is a me under all the symptoms. I exist and I love myself. The hardest, and most important, thing to do is stay positive and never give up hope.

I wish you good luck.
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Live the bad days with hope, there are many good days yet to come.

 
Old 11-05-2008, 04:36 AM   #6
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Re: bi-polar and marriage / divorce (long)

thank you tigger and totally...
it was especially hard when i got home last night and was served the divorce papers.
it seems to happening so fast and i am just spinning around in this tornado.

i appreciate the feedback and advice. thank you!!!

 
Old 11-06-2008, 09:01 PM   #7
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Re: bi-polar and marriage / divorce (long)

if it's any consolation, my "ex" wouldn't do anything to help me with the divorce that we mutually agreed on.... then all of a sudden he had to know if it was final so he could get remarried (3 months post our divorce which is how long he had known her for) Needless to say I went ballistic - - now I'm okay and we talk as friends... but it was rough for quite a few months and I must have gone from depressed to manic a million times in those months it seemed. I know everyone will say it.... but, it does get better!

 
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