Ok, ill try my best to make this sweet and short...
My wife and I have been seperated for almost 2 years now. We split this last time beause I thought she was cheating on me. She had done it before and i thought she was at it again. I cheated on her and ended up staying with that girl for 6 months. Basically my rebound. Well she went off and got her self a rebound too. Hers help get sober, she had a drinking problem.
So now here we are 2 years later and weve messed around in these 2 years here and there.I get Divorce papers served to me 2 weeks ago and it hit me really hard. She wouldnt talk to me or anything. We get up to the courthouse and she starts crying her eyes out. I try to ignore her and walk outside for a smoke. She catches up to me and starts talking to me about how shes scared and doesnt know what shes really doing. She seemed really nice.
Next day I get a phone call from her and she asks me if I have anything to say to her. Anything at all. I tell her Ive said everything there is to say tio you. She asks me to say it again. I tell her to tell me something she wants to say. She says shes scared. I say scared? Of what? She says to come back. My heart started pumping again at that moment. I tell her Im scared of you too, but I think I Love you more than Im scared of you.
Past week shes been coming over and talking to me. She wants to leave her boyfriend and wants to put the family back together.
Theres nothing I want more than my family and the Love of life back. At the same time my heads spinning.Why now? I mean I understand something dramatic can trigger her to open her eyes to whats really going on and all. But Ive got this anxiety everytime I get off the phone with her or she leaves.When shes here Im OK.
Tough call. On the one hand, I can see why you would want to try to salvage your marriage. But on the other hand, you guys have cheated on each other. I don't know about you, but for me, cheating is grounds for immediate and total breakoff of the relationship. I just won't put up with it. You said she did it twice. And the problem with trying again means that you're always going to wonder if she'll do it again. If you think you can handle it and move forward, then I guess you have your answer. But if you have no trust, you have no relationship.
And if she is serious about wanting to get together again, she needs to get out of that relationship with that guy. I don't know about you, but if someone was telling me they wanted to be with me again, then I would expect them to NOT be living with another person already? Do you see where I'm going?
She has changed. I know everyone says they change. she really has though. Her drinking was alot of the reasons she was so wild. Shes been sober for a year now.
Yeah and thats where Im kinda at right now. She wants to leave him but she tells me to give her time. i asked her "What 6 more months? Im not going to put my life on hold for you"
Shes telling her closest friends how she feels and they all tell her she needs to be single if she wants to start talking to me again.Ive been through too many head games, I learned to stay away from drama.
I think Im gonna tell her to say goodbye to me or him.
Yes, I meant is this the man she has primarily been with since the two of you parted.
My concern is that she's not treating him very well either. Granted, you think he knows what she's thinking. But that's another way of saying that to some degree she's coming back to you behind his back.
It's not typical. Since the two of you are married, it's hard to think of her as "cheating" on him when coming back to you. But, putting aside the standard rules, she is going behind his back to you. I agree that her being sober would make a big difference in things. But it still feels shaky to me.