Should I join the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
OK this sounds odd but hear me out. I am 26 years old. This last year I had some unfortunate events. I lost my job due to a weapon comeing up missing in a shipment(moveing company). I was the crew leader for the job and they put me as being responsible for the loss. I got a new job after that, it did not pay near as much..but then 4 months later my whole apartment got foreclosed by my landlord.( I had a horrendous roomate situation there anyhow) I had to quit that job, move out of the city and started to work for my dad. He owns a lodge in a remote area in Alaska. I hate working there because there is no people around and I would have to be there at weeks at a time by myself. The lodge season closed in mid-october and I moved back down to where my mom lives and is my hometown. I am trying to get a job here locally for the time being that is within my degree field. But now my parents tell me that are getting a divorce and it seems like they are trying to get me to stay with them. I am the baby of the family and they still treat me like I am a little kid. I really just do not want to get caught in the middle of it. They seem to get along pretty good, but I dont want to be part of any manipulation stuff. My dad is already like maeking plans for me to come work for him and I do not want too. My mom is trying to decide if she should sell her house and move to another city. I just do not know what to do. They are both hurting and have been together since like 19 yrs old. I am broke, I am 38,000 dollars in depbt for school. I really do not like this town, and actually am quite sick of Alaska all together. All my friends are in the city that I was living in before so I have absolutely no social life. All I am doing is working out 6 times a week and looking/applying for jobs in which I got a degree in. I have throught about joining the airforce for a while to do a tech job. I would not be sent to war. I just want to become 100% financially independent and have my own place in a city that is larger and has more people around my age. Well if anyone could give me some advice, that would be great.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
I just wanted to add that I really want to get away from my dad. I appreciate him for supporting me up to college...and the last couple of months he has helped me out. But he is increadibly manipualtive. I mentioned to him before about how I might be going to the military and he started askeing to take things that he has bought me over the years back. He was excited when I lost my job and was trying to disuade me from looking for a new one. He keeps buying stuff for me without me askeing and then when my friends are around he will talk about stuff he has bought me or give me moeny in front of them. But then later asks me to do labor for him to pay him back. I think he just really wants someone to work up there with him, be his slave. When I am up there he has be do all the things he does not want to do and make him meals. He critizes me a lot, but then later acts really nice and smoothering. The only time he accepts me going on to start my own career is when it is something that reflects him or something that he can brag to others about. It is so dishearting to live with him or be around him. He doesnt seem to care about me at all. He has millions of dollars tied into this buisness and he tries to take things away from me that he has bought from me in the past, when I say I might be going into military. I don't have any money, I am 38,000 dollars in dept from student loans from a degree field that he wanted me to go into...and I did not really even like. I was just very naive and and no self-confidence all through highschool in college. Everytime I talk to him I feel as if he has a self-interest in every word and action. I think that he is a narcissit and the last couple years it has been harder and harder to be around him. I do not know what to do. I seriously wish I had the self-confidence and awareness I have now and I could take back the last 7 years of my life. Well I am in a troubled spot because I am not working, I have these depbts and my only options for help right now are my parents. My family as a whole has always treating me like I am just kind of around for whatever they want me to do. Like they never really take an opinion of mine or interest into consideration. Just like I am the young one and I am unable to make decesions on my own. Well it mostly comes from my dad and my older sister. They kind of always pick on me and daunt me and always act threatend if I have show self-confidence or make decesions on my own. It is kind of funny because I have attracted friends like this my whole life too...it is like that family system co-dependancy thing. I have always hung out with people that kind of belittle me, but at the same time helped me out with things. It is a wierd dynamic and I want to escape it permantely. Well anyhow I know this is getting off topic but I was hopeing to get some advice on the topic. As for me I do not need anyone, ever. My whole life I have gotten so used to haveing my needs of not haveing any importance that I have developed a rather strong persona. It would be so easy for me to stary a new life somewhere else as long as I had the money and job to do it.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
You do not have to take such a drastic lifestyle step to get out from under your parents. You are young, single, healthy and you could go anywhere. You don't have to be at your parents' homes. I know, the debt....Be assertive, be independent, you can work somewhere else, you have a whole country to choose from, and you will eventually pay back your debts. Many other people have done this, you can too.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
I just do not know where to start. I have no real job skills within the degree field that I have. I have worked for a moveing company for 4 years and is what I am most skilled at. I lost my job there. I worked fro a granite company for a little bit, but it did not help me so much. The pay was low and the enivorment sucked, a lot of low lives. If I had some money than I could just get up and go. But I have literally like 500$ right now and I have 400$ montly payments on my loans. I have been rejected for many jobs in my degree field for lack of experience. I have been caught in this catch-22 for way too long. I just do not know what to do. IT would be good work here for awhile I suppose and get some experience and some money and get out. I might be able to handle a year of it. If I get the job here I can travel to the city because it is a week on and off. But I just really have the inkiling of getting out of here and starting a whole new life. It would be easier if I was not in Alaska and I was not so much in debpt. Well anyhow thanks for anymore replies.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
Joining the army for a little more money? I wouldn't think about it. Your parents might be divorcing, they still love you and they don't wanna see you come back in a bodybag.
There are many jobs you don't have to be skilled for, move to another city or state, you'll find a job at a moving company... if you don't you can still pick up another job and pay the bills...
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
NO! That's all I have to say about your original question. There are many other options, just be patient yet proactive. I am the baby of the family too and I have the EXACT SAME thing where my family and subsequently my friends belittle me, don't take me too seriously, don't listen to me, and when I show an act of self-confidence or assertiveness they either act threatened or tease me, like "aww cute little christina!" My relationship with my parents improved ten-fold when I wasn't living with them!
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
First you cant say you wont be sent off to the war areas. The air force sends quite a few people to those areas without a second thought. My husband so far has been lucky not to be sent over to the more dangerous areas but he has been sent to areas that support the war areas. My brother on the other hand has been sent to Iraq and is lined up to go again. Both are air force. We have several friends at various bases throughout that have served their time in the war zones. Some of them never thought they would be sent because their jobs dont generally require that but many get fielded out if another area is short on people. So dont assume you wont have to serve time over there based on your job title.
Also it is not an easy choice to go and enlist. There are many things to consider. Your life wont be your own. You will be required to follow a lot of rules that you may not agree with. Even being married to my husband for 13 yrs I still see stuff I dont agree with but it is his job to follow those rules. You shoudl also know you do have some say in where you end up after basic and tech school but not a whole lot. For example my husband when he enlisted wanted close to his home state. He didnt get that(wound up 12 hours away) but we met in the state he got stationed in. Recruiters will tell you a lot of stuff to get you to enlist and over half of it isnt true. If you know anyone that is enlisted talk to them because you will get the real facts from them. It can be a good life choice but you need to be aware of all that is required and what you are agreeing to if you do it.
You can file to put off paying your school loans til you are better on your feet. It might be a good idea to look into trying for jobs out of the area you are in. If you liked working for the moving company try applying to other companies. Look online for out of area places to work.
__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
I have talked to a lot of guys in the airforce and most do not get sent over there. I don't know what job field they were in but as long as you are not in security forces the likehood of you getting sent over is fairly slim. I would not join the army. They offered me the warrant officer flight program as a helicopter pilot. I have a degree and a pilot's license. The only good thing about that is that I would eb trained on helicopters and I would be in a leadership role. However I would have to go to combat zones and have the possibility to be shot down. I guess the major appeal to me for the airforce is that I would get to be around aircraft all day, I would make good friends, and I would get to travel. I just hate it up here right now. The stuff going on with my family, haveing to depend on others because I have no job at them moment, and just not knowing what is in my future. I did work at a moveing company for a while and they paid good BUT> I did lose my job AND I hated the job. I went to put my degree to use. I have a degree in criminal justice. I could get a job locally here as a jail officer that is a week on and a week off. I would make aroudn 2,000 dollars for each of those weeks of work. SO it would diff help and I could focus on other things on that week off...like looking for jobs elsewhere and maybe if feel like it getting another job. I just dont know how risky it is getting up and moveing to a whole other state would be. My family would freak out...they don't know how unhappy I am, and how little I want to be invovled with the buisness my dad started. IT is just way too much isolation, I cant take it. MY dad is wierd and does not like people and he keeps makeing plans for my life without even talking to me. That is how it has always been....I would have never went to school for crminal justice if I had the self-confidence I have now. I really had no idea how to make decesions on my own then. I still have a bit of a hard time...but way better than before. So yah I don't know about the whole airforce thing...but it is somethig to consider. I have thought about Navy too because they never get sent to war, but they have to spend time at sea. They do get to go to a lot of exotic countries though which would be cool. So I dont know more advice needed. All I know is I need to get out of here and make money, new friends, and a new life! I have lived on my own for 6 years so I am not worried about that, I just got to figure out this money thing and how to get out of here.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
McG:
I have a lot of experience (family) with the Army and Air Force.
First, do not believe all the recruiters tell you. Plan for a worst case senario. Please understand that they have a way of telling you half truths. For instance, my one young man is Air Force. He deployes to Iraq in 3 months. He is not going as a fighter. He will be going in a position of helping to re-build a town. It's a very fine line, right? He will be in harm's way, but he's not going armed to actually fight.
I am not saying that you should not do it. But I'm telling you to make a list of the worst things that could happen versus the best you expect to come from it. If the best outweighs the worst, it might be the right thing for you to do.
The military is not for everyone. It can be very difficult. There's homesickness, there's a lack of freedom (sometimes, not forever), there's a lack of privacy. The Air Force definitely has better facilities and rewards for their personnel. But it's not perfect either. However, as you know, there can be great reward in serving your country. And the reward can also come in terms of money and education.
Don't jump into anything. I think the others here are more against this than I am. I see the negative, but I also understand it can be a real growing experience. But do your homework. And mostly, DO NOT LET THEM TALK YOU INTO EXTRA YEARS right off the bat. You can always re-up for more. No reason for you to help the recruiter that much. If you do this, sign for the shortest stint you can. Better to know you can get out sooner if you need to.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
Yeah thanks man. Out of all the recuriters the airforce seemed to be the least pushy or manipulative. They are overmanned right now and it is actually harder to get in then to not get in. I would not have a hard time because I did very well on the physical, ASVAB and I have a degree. The army is hands down the scariest right now. They told me that If I did not have a reference from an respected military memeber that they would make one for me. The airforce is more about finding quality technichians then putting people into war. IF you are in aviation or security forces you are going. That is what the recuriter told me to. I felt that they were very honest. I have talked to a lot of people in the military as well, and I get the same story. IF you want to blow crap up and play in the mud go to army. IF you want a more normal laid back life go to airforce. Everyone I know that talks about the airforce, calls it the 'chairforce' The airforce lags in promotions and getting the exact position you want, unless your patient. They are very focused on getting you a degree in the field that you go into. I am not sure if I so much want to do that yet. I have already been to college and while the experience was good, I am not sure if I want to do that again. I understand that there are a lot of rules and stuff that you have to follow but they still give you a deceant amount of time off. I always find military people out at bars and concerts and what not, so they can diffently have a life. I just feel like I want to be a part of something. I feel like I have no purpose and I don't want my purpose being invested into my dad's buisness. IF he had a buisness that was located somewhere where I could have a more normal life than I would probably be more about it. But still he doesnt pay me much, and they are no benefits, and he treats me like a slave. I just have got to get out of here. I don't think I would be homesick if the very reason I am trying to leave is to get away from my home and the people that have not treated me so well. Yah I love them still and everything, I am just tired of being this person that everyone else wants me to be...and I do not.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
Also, If I do decide to go into the field that I got a degree in, it would probably be no less dangerous than going into the military for a tech job. If I go for a cop anyhow. Yeah guys are sent over to iraq to work on planes or whatever, but they are not in the front lines in combat. I have known a lot of people whom are in the army reserve who volunteer to go over there because they have huge bonusus. They are never in combat, they are around it yes and something could happen sure. Most people that are in combat want to be in it, or they would not sign up for positions that put them into it. Well maybe I am just trying to convince myself, I just know I want to get out of here and start a new life.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
McGunther, I am not trying to be mean, but you have too many if's (if this, if that). Things are the way they are and it is not as bad as you think. You are young and yes, you are in debt, but you can pay it off. The amount is not staggering. You need to get some independence from your family, especially your dad, and now is the time to start. Your family will have more respect for you once they see that you can be independent. Look at the bright things in your situation. You are capable of working, your life is in front of you, you are healthy and you have no one else to support except for yourself. It could be much worse, believe me. Why would you join the military? You should do that only if you really want to do that, not as a means to get away from your family and make a little bit of money. I suggest that you get a job, any kind of job and get some independence. You have to start somewhere and later when you see that you can do it, you can make it on your own, you can look for a better job or go back to school.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
The problem is being that without a certain amount of experience you cannot start a job that pays more than like 12.00 an hour. Maybe if you did construction work or something. When I was a mover I made 17.00 an hour after 4 yrs...and I average 20 something because it was contract pay. But like I said before I lost that job. So I don't know how easy it would be to pick up another one. I guess I am just at the point in my life where I do not want to start another dead-end job. If I get this Jail officer position here in this tiny town it would at least get my foot in the door. The pay is around 23.50 an hour so that is not so bad. I can only go up from there. The reason I would want to join the airforce is because I want to work around airplanes. The drawback to that is the work is very specialized and is on military aircraft, so the experience would not be to transerable to the civilian world. However the military experience as a whole is great for a lot of careers in the civilian world. I could always go back to law enforcement if I needed to, and I could get a master's degree in law while being in. I am going to wait to see what happens with the job here and go from there. I just dread being stuck in the little town for a while. But like you say it is not as bad as it seems, I just kind of wish I could go back about 7 yrs and be as confident and less naive as I am now.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
You can not go back in time and why would you want to anyway? Try to see the big picture. Get some independence even if it means working for $12/hour. Once you feel better about your situation, you will be able to find a better job. May I ask you what prevents you from moving away from the tiny town you live in? Why not start fresh somewhere else, maybe in a bigger town? Why would you want a job in a jail? You say that you would get a foot in, but I wonder why you want that? If you want to work with airplanes, maybe the air force is for you. Once you have experience working with planes, I am sure you'll be able to transfer to another job involving planes.
Don't get stuck in negative thinking and don't dwell on what if. You are young although you probably don't feel young. But, the fact is that you have most of your life in front of you. Your whole perspective on life will change once you take charge of your life.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
Like I have said and another dont trust the recuiters even air force recuiters. Their goal is to fill slots and they will stratch the truth many different ways. Though telling you wont go to Iraq is a huge lie. A recuiter cant tell you that because he/she wont know for sure.
My brother has cross trained since his first time in Iraq and even with that he is up for Iraq AGAIN. He is Air Force just like my husband. I have several friends who have served their time in Iraq even though their actual jobs arent useful to actually being in Iraq. Like I said you can get sent to Iraq no matter what your true job is. They can and do field out airman to fill places over there. None of the guys I know that have been sent over there asked for it. None of them wanted to go either but did because part of their job is obeying orders.
Another important note about Iraq there is no front line. No matter where you are over there you arent in a safe zone. The stuff I have heard from over there from guys that were in "supposed" safe areas are just as bad as the guys that see a lot of action over there.
As for overmanned that is funny cause I can tell you several shops on the base we are currently stationed are undermanned. Recuiters will tell you what you want to hear to get you to sign that paperwork.
You say your family would be upset if you move. Well trust me Air Force you have a move to basic in southern Texas and then a move to tech school after basic. Then to whatever base they assign you too after. Your family probably wont like that at all since it requires you moving at times very far away from them. My husband has been home since March after a year in Korea. During that time I got to see him for one month when he got to take leave and come back home(which by the way we had to pay for). It was 7 months into his year there that he got that month off.
The Navy maybe great but remember you can be gone at sea for 6 months or longer at a time. That means you dont get to see your family during that time. I have a cousin in the Navy and he has missed the birth of 2 of his three kids and looks like he will miss the birth of his 4th. He also missed the whole first year of two of the kids as well. He will tell you he loves the navy but wishes he hadnt missed those important moments. Granted you dont have a wife or kids yet but you never know when that will happen. LOTS of guys get married fast that are enlisted.
Dont get me wrong I actually love that my Dh is in the Air Force. Granted it has been a lot of work to deal with but the benefits have been good for the most part. It can be a good thing if you want it to be. But you have to realize that it isnt as easy as recuiters make it out to be.
__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
negot I cannot move to another place because I have NO MONEY> zero. Well I have 500 dollars right now but I have a loan payment comeing up soon that will nearly wipe that out. I dont have any money for a plane ticket, for gas, for a place to stay, food etc. I basically have to go with what my parents want of me now. I did get a call from that jail officer job this morning. So I will probably take it if it is offered. Granted it probably will not be the most exciting job in the world, but it pays good and I will get a full week off at a time. I want to save up some money and then jet out. IF I do decide to go military I can still work here while waiting for being sent to boot...which can take 4-6 months. Also I have lived off a job makeing 12 an hour and it near impossible. By the time I pay for rent, food, gas, insurance, student loan payment...it leaves me with like 20$ to spend on anything else. What I am thinking of doing is getting a job in the city for the week off and traveling back and forth. I would be makeing around 5,000 a month. The life would be kind of lame but I might be worth the sacrifice to be debpt free...it would not take long. Then I can venture off to another state and may not have to go to the military...even though I still think it would be fun.
Blastoff--I realize that going in would meen leaving my family. But it is the family that I grew up with...not my own family. I would be fine with it. I just know they would have resentment towards me, but what can you do? I realize that the military is a lifestyle change. I think a big part of me just is appealed to the whole wearing a uniform, haveing procedures, working out a bunch, being part of a team, living in the big community. I just don't feel like a part of anything anymore. I dont have my circle of friends, I am not playing any sports. Anyways the navy would be fun except for the long tours. I have had freinds in it and they say that you go into port every couple weeks or so and get to go to a lot of exotic countries. You spend a lot of time on land as well. Granted being at sea that long would be rough, but if you only had to do it 2 or 3 times it would not be bad. My friend was in for 4 yrs and did 2 6month tours. So that is 25% of the time in. I would have more room for advancement with them and they would start me with larger bonuses because of my degree. I understand a lot of people get married soon because of the benefits. ME? I don't know about marriage. I am scared of it, something that I maybe want to do when I am getting closer to 40. That is just me thought. Seeing my parents go through, and watching other friends dive in to early and haveing it destruct in front of them. Leaving with kids and all kinds of settlemetns and custody battles and junk...yah no thanks. IF I meet the one that I truely love and trust, well than maybe. I am fine with just having long-term girlfriends. Well anyhow thanks guys and I will figure it out I suppose. Any more advice would be great.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
You know I had every plan in the world to wait til I was 30 to get married. Had everything planned out and then Dh stepped into the picture cause I went with a friend to a party on base. A little over 6 months later we were married. Life throws curve balls and trust me I didnt marry him for benefits. A lot of people dont marry for that reason.
I understand the desire to belong trust me I do. The military family is a very close tight knit group. I have friends all over the world right now thanks to the military. I wouldnt trade that for anything. But I also know how stressful it has been for my husband and for those I have seen serve in Iraq when they never thought they would see the stuff they saw. It is not a stress free job. I just dont want to see a someone get lied to by a recuiter out to fill his slots. I have seen it way too many times. Some of things I have heard promised are pretty amazing.
Anyway I would give it a lot more thought before actually signing the paperwork.
As for moving to get a better job do some online searches. Some places will pay to move you if they way you bad enough. Even if you dont have experience. I have a friend who every six months or so searches online for different jobs and then has them pay him to move. When he first started he had no experience but still got them to foot his moving bill and setting him up with a hotel til he could find a place to rent. So you might want to look around and see what you can find.
For student loans you can file for hardship and put off paying them for 6 months to a year. It can be a bit of paperwork but it might help you get back on your feet.
__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
Last edited by Blastoff9600; 12-04-2008 at 01:51 PM.
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?
Blast off thanks again...and you are probably right about the marriage thing, and I didnt mean to say that everyone gets married for the benefits...I just have seen a lot of that in my day. I worked for a movieing company for 4 yrs and 90% of the jobs were on airforce and army bases...I can't till you how many military wives I had asking me out/slipping me thier numbers...and actually undressing in front of me. Needless to say I am a little bitter with women and realtionships, I have been cheated on a lot. I think though I probably have always attracted the wrong ones....Anyways...
I think I will take this job for the time being. I mean it really is better than nothing and I have no money. Like I said before out of all the branches the airforce struck me as the least pushy/manipulative. They did not make me any kind of promises. They only thing they said is that I would be able to get a certain job quicker than others because I have a degree. Other from that there seems to be no loopholes. Besides I am not worried about that, I am a smart guy and will check everything down to a T. I was a little buggard about the way they talked to me at the MEPS when I did a physical and the ASVAB. It was like hey there I am not in the military yet, you are not my commander stop talking to me like that. I would have no problem with it if I was in and it was the NCO or something, but just some person takeing my **** test..common.
But yeah understandbly the iraq situation has got to cause a lot of stress on friends and family. I realize if I do go that route it is something I am going to have know how to deal with. I ran into an army infantry man in a bar one night and was asking him about his life. He told me he had 23 of his friends killed so far, so obviously that is going to be a stress to anyone. I know that the airforce is no where near as invovled as the army or marines. They are I beleive 3rd in line for combat. Even the security forces are not put into the line unless absoultely needed. Most of the time they are gurading some tower or checkpoint. They may have a motor shot at them once a month. I am not trying to trivalze their involvement either because obviously they do a lot and are put into a lot of danger as well. I am just saying they are not the ones that sign up for it. I am curious too what is going to happen in the next 6 months to a year with MR. Obama in the office.
Again thanks. I am going to ride on this one for a bit. I have a year and a half until I am too old to get in for the airforce.
