It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Divorce & Separation Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-02-2008, 09:27 PM   #1
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 874
Mr.G HB User
Should I join the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

OK this sounds odd but hear me out. I am 26 years old. This last year I had some unfortunate events. I lost my job due to a weapon comeing up missing in a shipment(moveing company). I was the crew leader for the job and they put me as being responsible for the loss. I got a new job after that, it did not pay near as much..but then 4 months later my whole apartment got foreclosed by my landlord.( I had a horrendous roomate situation there anyhow) I had to quit that job, move out of the city and started to work for my dad. He owns a lodge in a remote area in Alaska. I hate working there because there is no people around and I would have to be there at weeks at a time by myself. The lodge season closed in mid-october and I moved back down to where my mom lives and is my hometown. I am trying to get a job here locally for the time being that is within my degree field. But now my parents tell me that are getting a divorce and it seems like they are trying to get me to stay with them. I am the baby of the family and they still treat me like I am a little kid. I really just do not want to get caught in the middle of it. They seem to get along pretty good, but I dont want to be part of any manipulation stuff. My dad is already like maeking plans for me to come work for him and I do not want too. My mom is trying to decide if she should sell her house and move to another city. I just do not know what to do. They are both hurting and have been together since like 19 yrs old. I am broke, I am 38,000 dollars in depbt for school. I really do not like this town, and actually am quite sick of Alaska all together. All my friends are in the city that I was living in before so I have absolutely no social life. All I am doing is working out 6 times a week and looking/applying for jobs in which I got a degree in. I have throught about joining the airforce for a while to do a tech job. I would not be sent to war. I just want to become 100% financially independent and have my own place in a city that is larger and has more people around my age. Well if anyone could give me some advice, that would be great.

Last edited by Mr.G; 12-02-2008 at 09:34 PM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 12-02-2008, 09:53 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 874
Mr.G HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

ooppps OI posted the same respons twice. Sorry disregard.

Last edited by Mr.G; 12-02-2008 at 10:06 PM.

 
Old 12-02-2008, 10:00 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 874
Mr.G HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

I just wanted to add that I really want to get away from my dad. I appreciate him for supporting me up to college...and the last couple of months he has helped me out. But he is increadibly manipualtive. I mentioned to him before about how I might be going to the military and he started askeing to take things that he has bought me over the years back. He was excited when I lost my job and was trying to disuade me from looking for a new one. He keeps buying stuff for me without me askeing and then when my friends are around he will talk about stuff he has bought me or give me moeny in front of them. But then later asks me to do labor for him to pay him back. I think he just really wants someone to work up there with him, be his slave. When I am up there he has be do all the things he does not want to do and make him meals. He critizes me a lot, but then later acts really nice and smoothering. The only time he accepts me going on to start my own career is when it is something that reflects him or something that he can brag to others about. It is so dishearting to live with him or be around him. He doesnt seem to care about me at all. He has millions of dollars tied into this buisness and he tries to take things away from me that he has bought from me in the past, when I say I might be going into military. I don't have any money, I am 38,000 dollars in dept from student loans from a degree field that he wanted me to go into...and I did not really even like. I was just very naive and and no self-confidence all through highschool in college. Everytime I talk to him I feel as if he has a self-interest in every word and action. I think that he is a narcissit and the last couple years it has been harder and harder to be around him. I do not know what to do. I seriously wish I had the self-confidence and awareness I have now and I could take back the last 7 years of my life. Well I am in a troubled spot because I am not working, I have these depbts and my only options for help right now are my parents. My family as a whole has always treating me like I am just kind of around for whatever they want me to do. Like they never really take an opinion of mine or interest into consideration. Just like I am the young one and I am unable to make decesions on my own. Well it mostly comes from my dad and my older sister. They kind of always pick on me and daunt me and always act threatend if I have show self-confidence or make decesions on my own. It is kind of funny because I have attracted friends like this my whole life too...it is like that family system co-dependancy thing. I have always hung out with people that kind of belittle me, but at the same time helped me out with things. It is a wierd dynamic and I want to escape it permantely. Well anyhow I know this is getting off topic but I was hopeing to get some advice on the topic. As for me I do not need anyone, ever. My whole life I have gotten so used to haveing my needs of not haveing any importance that I have developed a rather strong persona. It would be so easy for me to stary a new life somewhere else as long as I had the money and job to do it.

 
Old 12-02-2008, 10:11 PM   #4
Facilitator
(female)
 
Seraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,720
Seraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

You do not have to take such a drastic lifestyle step to get out from under your parents. You are young, single, healthy and you could go anywhere. You don't have to be at your parents' homes. I know, the debt....Be assertive, be independent, you can work somewhere else, you have a whole country to choose from, and you will eventually pay back your debts. Many other people have done this, you can too.

 
Old 12-02-2008, 10:29 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 874
Mr.G HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

I just do not know where to start. I have no real job skills within the degree field that I have. I have worked for a moveing company for 4 years and is what I am most skilled at. I lost my job there. I worked fro a granite company for a little bit, but it did not help me so much. The pay was low and the enivorment sucked, a lot of low lives. If I had some money than I could just get up and go. But I have literally like 500$ right now and I have 400$ montly payments on my loans. I have been rejected for many jobs in my degree field for lack of experience. I have been caught in this catch-22 for way too long. I just do not know what to do. IT would be good work here for awhile I suppose and get some experience and some money and get out. I might be able to handle a year of it. If I get the job here I can travel to the city because it is a week on and off. But I just really have the inkiling of getting out of here and starting a whole new life. It would be easier if I was not in Alaska and I was not so much in debpt. Well anyhow thanks for anymore replies.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 02:25 AM   #6
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Brussels, Belgium
Posts: 9
paul22 HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

Joining the army for a little more money? I wouldn't think about it. Your parents might be divorcing, they still love you and they don't wanna see you come back in a bodybag.

There are many jobs you don't have to be skilled for, move to another city or state, you'll find a job at a moving company... if you don't you can still pick up another job and pay the bills...

 
Old 12-03-2008, 03:25 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 931
digmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

NO! That's all I have to say about your original question. There are many other options, just be patient yet proactive. I am the baby of the family too and I have the EXACT SAME thing where my family and subsequently my friends belittle me, don't take me too seriously, don't listen to me, and when I show an act of self-confidence or assertiveness they either act threatened or tease me, like "aww cute little christina!" My relationship with my parents improved ten-fold when I wasn't living with them!

Last edited by digmusic; 12-03-2008 at 03:34 AM.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 05:03 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 3,326
Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

First you cant say you wont be sent off to the war areas. The air force sends quite a few people to those areas without a second thought. My husband so far has been lucky not to be sent over to the more dangerous areas but he has been sent to areas that support the war areas. My brother on the other hand has been sent to Iraq and is lined up to go again. Both are air force. We have several friends at various bases throughout that have served their time in the war zones. Some of them never thought they would be sent because their jobs dont generally require that but many get fielded out if another area is short on people. So dont assume you wont have to serve time over there based on your job title.
Also it is not an easy choice to go and enlist. There are many things to consider. Your life wont be your own. You will be required to follow a lot of rules that you may not agree with. Even being married to my husband for 13 yrs I still see stuff I dont agree with but it is his job to follow those rules. You shoudl also know you do have some say in where you end up after basic and tech school but not a whole lot. For example my husband when he enlisted wanted close to his home state. He didnt get that(wound up 12 hours away) but we met in the state he got stationed in. Recruiters will tell you a lot of stuff to get you to enlist and over half of it isnt true. If you know anyone that is enlisted talk to them because you will get the real facts from them. It can be a good life choice but you need to be aware of all that is required and what you are agreeing to if you do it.
You can file to put off paying your school loans til you are better on your feet. It might be a good idea to look into trying for jobs out of the area you are in. If you liked working for the moving company try applying to other companies. Look online for out of area places to work.
__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02

 
Old 12-03-2008, 02:26 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 874
Mr.G HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

I have talked to a lot of guys in the airforce and most do not get sent over there. I don't know what job field they were in but as long as you are not in security forces the likehood of you getting sent over is fairly slim. I would not join the army. They offered me the warrant officer flight program as a helicopter pilot. I have a degree and a pilot's license. The only good thing about that is that I would eb trained on helicopters and I would be in a leadership role. However I would have to go to combat zones and have the possibility to be shot down. I guess the major appeal to me for the airforce is that I would get to be around aircraft all day, I would make good friends, and I would get to travel. I just hate it up here right now. The stuff going on with my family, haveing to depend on others because I have no job at them moment, and just not knowing what is in my future. I did work at a moveing company for a while and they paid good BUT> I did lose my job AND I hated the job. I went to put my degree to use. I have a degree in criminal justice. I could get a job locally here as a jail officer that is a week on and a week off. I would make aroudn 2,000 dollars for each of those weeks of work. SO it would diff help and I could focus on other things on that week off...like looking for jobs elsewhere and maybe if feel like it getting another job. I just dont know how risky it is getting up and moveing to a whole other state would be. My family would freak out...they don't know how unhappy I am, and how little I want to be invovled with the buisness my dad started. IT is just way too much isolation, I cant take it. MY dad is wierd and does not like people and he keeps makeing plans for my life without even talking to me. That is how it has always been....I would have never went to school for crminal justice if I had the self-confidence I have now. I really had no idea how to make decesions on my own then. I still have a bit of a hard time...but way better than before. So yah I don't know about the whole airforce thing...but it is somethig to consider. I have thought about Navy too because they never get sent to war, but they have to spend time at sea. They do get to go to a lot of exotic countries though which would be cool. So I dont know more advice needed. All I know is I need to get out of here and make money, new friends, and a new life! I have lived on my own for 6 years so I am not worried about that, I just got to figure out this money thing and how to get out of here.

Last edited by Mr.G; 12-03-2008 at 02:36 PM.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 02:38 PM   #10
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 874
Mr.G HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

Also I don't know how you guys expect me to move when I dont have money. I am negative 38,000 right now. IF I had money I would already be gone.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 03:31 PM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 874
resolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB Userresolution09 HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

McG:

I have a lot of experience (family) with the Army and Air Force.

First, do not believe all the recruiters tell you. Plan for a worst case senario. Please understand that they have a way of telling you half truths. For instance, my one young man is Air Force. He deployes to Iraq in 3 months. He is not going as a fighter. He will be going in a position of helping to re-build a town. It's a very fine line, right? He will be in harm's way, but he's not going armed to actually fight.

I am not saying that you should not do it. But I'm telling you to make a list of the worst things that could happen versus the best you expect to come from it. If the best outweighs the worst, it might be the right thing for you to do.

The military is not for everyone. It can be very difficult. There's homesickness, there's a lack of freedom (sometimes, not forever), there's a lack of privacy. The Air Force definitely has better facilities and rewards for their personnel. But it's not perfect either. However, as you know, there can be great reward in serving your country. And the reward can also come in terms of money and education.

Don't jump into anything. I think the others here are more against this than I am. I see the negative, but I also understand it can be a real growing experience. But do your homework. And mostly, DO NOT LET THEM TALK YOU INTO EXTRA YEARS right off the bat. You can always re-up for more. No reason for you to help the recruiter that much. If you do this, sign for the shortest stint you can. Better to know you can get out sooner if you need to.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 03:44 PM   #12
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 874
Mr.G HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

Yeah thanks man. Out of all the recuriters the airforce seemed to be the least pushy or manipulative. They are overmanned right now and it is actually harder to get in then to not get in. I would not have a hard time because I did very well on the physical, ASVAB and I have a degree. The army is hands down the scariest right now. They told me that If I did not have a reference from an respected military memeber that they would make one for me. The airforce is more about finding quality technichians then putting people into war. IF you are in aviation or security forces you are going. That is what the recuriter told me to. I felt that they were very honest. I have talked to a lot of people in the military as well, and I get the same story. IF you want to blow crap up and play in the mud go to army. IF you want a more normal laid back life go to airforce. Everyone I know that talks about the airforce, calls it the 'chairforce' The airforce lags in promotions and getting the exact position you want, unless your patient. They are very focused on getting you a degree in the field that you go into. I am not sure if I so much want to do that yet. I have already been to college and while the experience was good, I am not sure if I want to do that again. I understand that there are a lot of rules and stuff that you have to follow but they still give you a deceant amount of time off. I always find military people out at bars and concerts and what not, so they can diffently have a life. I just feel like I want to be a part of something. I feel like I have no purpose and I don't want my purpose being invested into my dad's buisness. IF he had a buisness that was located somewhere where I could have a more normal life than I would probably be more about it. But still he doesnt pay me much, and they are no benefits, and he treats me like a slave. I just have got to get out of here. I don't think I would be homesick if the very reason I am trying to leave is to get away from my home and the people that have not treated me so well. Yah I love them still and everything, I am just tired of being this person that everyone else wants me to be...and I do not.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 03:53 PM   #13
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 874
Mr.G HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

Also, If I do decide to go into the field that I got a degree in, it would probably be no less dangerous than going into the military for a tech job. If I go for a cop anyhow. Yeah guys are sent over to iraq to work on planes or whatever, but they are not in the front lines in combat. I have known a lot of people whom are in the army reserve who volunteer to go over there because they have huge bonusus. They are never in combat, they are around it yes and something could happen sure. Most people that are in combat want to be in it, or they would not sign up for positions that put them into it. Well maybe I am just trying to convince myself, I just know I want to get out of here and start a new life.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 10:06 PM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: California
Posts: 651
negot HB Usernegot HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

McGunther, I am not trying to be mean, but you have too many if's (if this, if that). Things are the way they are and it is not as bad as you think. You are young and yes, you are in debt, but you can pay it off. The amount is not staggering. You need to get some independence from your family, especially your dad, and now is the time to start. Your family will have more respect for you once they see that you can be independent. Look at the bright things in your situation. You are capable of working, your life is in front of you, you are healthy and you have no one else to support except for yourself. It could be much worse, believe me. Why would you join the military? You should do that only if you really want to do that, not as a means to get away from your family and make a little bit of money. I suggest that you get a job, any kind of job and get some independence. You have to start somewhere and later when you see that you can do it, you can make it on your own, you can look for a better job or go back to school.

 
Old 12-04-2008, 12:29 AM   #15
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 874
Mr.G HB User
Re: Should I joing the Military to get out of being between Parents Divorce?

The problem is being that without a certain amount of experience you cannot start a job that pays more than like 12.00 an hour. Maybe if you did construction work or something. When I was a mover I made 17.00 an hour after 4 yrs...and I average 20 something because it was contract pay. But like I said before I lost that job. So I don't know how easy it would be to pick up another one. I guess I am just at the point in my life where I do not want to start another dead-end job. If I get this Jail officer position here in this tiny town it would at least get my foot in the door. The pay is around 23.50 an hour so that is not so bad. I can only go up from there. The reason I would want to join the airforce is because I want to work around airplanes. The drawback to that is the work is very specialized and is on military aircraft, so the experience would not be to transerable to the civilian world. However the military experience as a whole is great for a lot of careers in the civilian world. I could always go back to law enforcement if I needed to, and I could get a master's degree in law while being in. I am going to wait to see what happens with the job here and go from there. I just dread being stuck in the little town for a while. But like you say it is not as bad as it seems, I just kind of wish I could go back about 7 yrs and be as confident and less naive as I am now.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Should I just forgive and forget? stayd2lng4u Relationship Health 67 09-30-2008 12:07 PM
Should I continue seeing this woman ... ? LondonGuy66 Relationship Health 5 09-24-2006 06:17 AM
military husband needs help with wifes depression ferman Relationship Health 34 09-18-2006 10:45 PM
Should one be made to have sex? HannahUK Relationship Health 21 05-14-2006 10:56 AM
should i be scared? Stewiegriffin75 Relationship Health 22 03-02-2006 05:56 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



shisslak (5), renko (4), anonnymouse (4), frikita (3), Titchou (2), Misty800 (2), thaliak (2), awlright (2), gardenandcats (2), rosequartz (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1164), MSJayhawk (997), Apollo123 (896), Titchou (832), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (757), ladybud (745), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:32 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!