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Old 09-14-2009, 01:34 PM   #1
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Advice from divorced guys with kids please = what do you think?

I wanted some insight from guys out there, divorced with kids.

Here's my story briefly, I am embarking on a relationship (early stages) with a guy wiith 2 kids. I am single with no kids. As I say, early stages for us.

Anyway from a guy's point of view, when you are divorced and ready to move on into your next relationship what is your ideal scenario wtih your kids in mind. I mean I know you don't choose a situation you choose a person and you can't choose who you fall in love with but just say that you could choose the ideal .. would it be to be with a woman who didn't have kids of their own - would you consider this to be best for you and your kids moving forward?

It would mean you could devote all your time together, you and your new relationship, to your own kids because if your new woman did have kids of her own, then your own kids would ultimately have to share your affections in your new extended family....

I hope I'm making sense - Just wanted some views if anyone has time to drop me a line. Thanks

 
Old 09-14-2009, 04:43 PM   #2
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Re: Advice from divorced guys with kids please = what do you think?

Does he live with his kids?

 
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Old 09-14-2009, 11:06 PM   #3
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Re: Advice from divorced guys with kids please = what do you think?

Hi Pendulum = No - but he spends lots of time with them and most weekends

 
Old 09-15-2009, 05:31 AM   #4
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Re: Advice from divorced guys with kids please = what do you think?

I am married to a divorced woman. We have two kids together. When I first met her, her daughter from her first marriage (who lived with her) was 13 years old.

My relationship with her daughter was never a good one. Fortunately, she (her daughter) became financially independent very early in her life and eventually moved away from our house to live on her own. Nowadays my relationship with her is fairly amicable, but I don't know that it would be possible for us to live in the same house again. We are virtually incompatible.

All the way my wife was understanding enough and wise enough not to take any sides in my conflict with her daughter, but I know that it made her suffer. She was able to see through her daughter's "bad" behaviour and "unacceptance" of me and basic rules of "cohabitation," but she could also see that I was not patient enough with a teenager's ways.

I think it is different for a man with kids, especially if he doesn't live with them on a permanent basis. It is usually easier for him to enter a new relationship without having to struggle between two poles, if you see what I mean. So, unless I am wrong, you have better chances to have a satisfying relationship with this man with kids, provided that you never try to replace their mother.

Ultimately our hearts make the choices. The fact that someone has kids from a previous relationship wouldn't make them impossible to love or to fall in love with, but, depending on the case, you would need different strategies to make the relationship work out well.

Go ahead.

I hope this can help you a little.

 
Old 09-15-2009, 11:27 AM   #5
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Re: Advice from divorced guys with kids please = what do you think?

I'm not a man, and I'm not divorced, but I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in anyway, and hope it can help a little, even though it's not from the demograhic you requested...

I think the mistake many women make is that they believe men don't control who they fall in love with like women. But to a certain degree, men DO control who they fall in love with, who they pursue a relationship with. I had several male co-workers tell me that men don't wait to find "the one", men just don't think like that. They break it off with women who they loved and who were wonderful, but they just weren't ready. Men settle down with the woman they happen to be with when they decide they are ready to settle down, they've been with enough women, they've sewn enough wild oates, etc. For men, it's largely a question of good timing.

Your situation is what it is. I don't think it will do any good to worry about whether your situation is what he's looking for in the long run. Enjoy his company and getting to know him, have a good tine, and if it works out hey great, If it doesn't, cut your losses and move on. That's really all any of us can do anyway.

 
Old 09-15-2009, 12:03 PM   #6
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Re: Advice from divorced guys with kids please = what do you think?

One of my best "work" friends is a divorced man with kids. We've known each other about 12 years and he's been divorced about 8 of those. He has told me that he looks for women with children. His logic is that a woman with children would understand parenting much more than someone who did not/does not have children. I've explained my perspective that I think he's wrong, that he should instead concentrate on finding a someone who is what he wants, without regard for her having children. But in these 8 years he's had 3 longer term girlfriends and they all had kids. As I said, I do not agree with his logic but I don't think he's come around to seeing my point of view either.

 
Old 09-15-2009, 12:50 PM   #7
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Re: Advice from divorced guys with kids please = what do you think?

I am divorced with 2 children living with me, My Ex. G/friend had three kids. We didn't look it just happened. But, her oldest for some reason didn't take to me and he is in my opinion the reason for our break up. He is very manipulative, lied about me and I didn't know my boundaries with him, she took his side every time even when she knew he lied. If he got in trouble it was my/our fault. She has two other children and our relationship was awesome, we love each other to death. Be careful and understand the children if you don't ask you boundaries.

 
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