divorce and money
I am married over a year. My husband maintains the stance that he wants to be with me, but doesn't want to be married to me. I say forget the former part of that sentence and focus on the latter, because what difference does it make? I have to ask myself what I am okay with, and I don't know that i am okay with divorcing and continuing to date---that is ridiculous in my opinion, though he thinks it would be awesome...strange, right? I can't explain it, perhaps shouldn't try, and just go on knowing that it wasn't right, even if I can't explain how exactly it was wrong.
So if he wants out, why isn't he making it happen? He has said to me, "because it is cheaper to be married to you and i need the money right now." I am a student in graduate school and I am flat broke (i.e. in debt). I was a student when we met and will continue to be for another couple years. I work part-time but of course this isn't even enough to put food on the table for one person. I work around the clock and go without sleep as it is. Getting another job would be impossible---there just flat out aren't enough hours in the day.
Because we do not have joint bank accounts, he is no longer providing me any financial support. If I needed money before, he always wrote me one of his personal checks (that sounds like a great marriage, right?!?). Unfortunately, he has access to all of my accounts, so he could wipe me out in a heartbeat (there is a small bit i've saved that will keep me going to a month or if my car needs mass repair).
Because I go to school in another city, we've maintained an apartment for me there. Since we are separated, what financial obligation does he have to me? I to him? And after divorce, how is the settled? During the marriage, I certainly didn't make as much money as him (he works full time), and he used to give me money---will i be forced to give it back? will he be forced to continue to provide for me? If I hire an attorney, does this really just mean more debt for me?
He was being quite ugly to me the other day, and I remarked that if he would just leave me the heck alone for the rest of my life he didn't have to give me another dime to live off of, which he loved. but that isn't fair---afterall, he is the one he wants out...
what do you think? additionally, how do i get myself out of this messed up situation? one minute of the day he is going on about how he loves me and we are destined to be together, the next he says i ruined his life...yikes...i really want to get out of this situation but i am so easily fooled by the hugs, and kisses and too easily forgive the ugly remarks...
Last edited by Chubbycheeks; 10-12-2009 at 02:40 PM.