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Old 01-10-2010, 10:13 AM   #1
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i think im depressed but 3 years after divorce?

its been over 3 years ago since i felt content. i went through a divorce. very painful. then i wanted company! i invited my friend to live with me, and my dad also. i isolated myself. i didnt want my friend here anymore after a few months. i spent all my time playing games on the computer. i met an amazing girl. i stopped teaching the 4 year old sunday school class. i never stopped playing music for the church though, and i go every sunday i can. but now, over three years from my divorce, i still feel lost. im engaged, but i dont seem as excited as i should be. im filled with anxiety instead of excitement. i stopped feeling life 3 years ago and now im just on for the ride. dont get me wrong my fiance is an amazing person. i just feel like im not good enough for her because shes never been married and i have. and shes excited and im not. she wants to plan the wedding with me but id rather she did it all and i could just be there. ive been very hopeful that this would all just go away and id get back to normal but it seems to never change. im irritable and i used to be very happy. now im having trouble with my heart kind of fluttering. its kind of scary, but if i stress about it im sure it would get worse. im not suicidal or anything but sometimes i think maybe my fiance would be better off with someone else. but theres no way im stupid enough to let her go. shes not a perfect person but shes perfect for me. i just would like to share her excitement and to stop feeling so depressed. i need to stop procrastinating. i need to have some of the spark back in my life that i used to have before i learned that life has potential to hurt real real bad. not just life but people... even the people we trust with our entire heart. how can i learn to trust my fiance like that? how can i give her all of myself when i dont feel like i have it to give? how can i get my old spark back? i want to say that i know my fiance wont hurt me but the truth is that i can never know for sure, right? or is it that i need to realize that she CAN hurt me so i should spent alot of time on our relationship so i dont get hurt. please help. im getting married in a few months and im still having issues that i thought would go away in time.

 
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Old 01-14-2010, 10:39 AM   #2
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Re: i think im depressed but 3 years after divorce?

sounds like you have a case of depression. Depression can set in at any time. So if you have been feeling down for a long period of time this can cause it.

 
Old 01-14-2010, 06:21 PM   #3
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Re: i think im depressed but 3 years after divorce?

Good Evening Shadows,
If I were in your position I'd find someone to talk to and try to sort things out. You've gone through some major life changes recently which are very stressful. I'd find someone that I can feel comfy opening up to. It should be someone who can be objective. Some people talk with a psychologist, clergyman, or social worker.
It's definitely possible for depression to surface three years after the divorce. What happens is that the psychological effects from the divorce gnaw away, then you add a room mate, girlfriend turned fiance, and daily happenings. Things build to the point where it all comes to a head.
The good news is.. there's a very good chance that you'll get through this and return to the way you were before if not better.
Please keep us posted on how things go.
Peggy

 
Old 03-02-2011, 02:46 PM   #4
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Re: i think im depressed but 3 years after divorce?

I'm sorry. Yes, you can be depressed still. I experienced a painful divorce 18 years ago and although I initially stopped taking antidepressants within 6 months of the divorce, I resumed them four years ago at the advice of my physician. I'm not a doctor, but I know now that depression caused by an event CAN create a physical condition requiring treatment for many years. Three years after my divorce I wasn't NEAR "healed." MY non-professional advice: seek the advice of a trusted physician who knows you and your medical history before you enter your next marriage. I am praying for you.

 
Old 03-03-2011, 12:13 PM   #5
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Re: i think im depressed but 3 years after divorce?

myshadows,

I know it would be short notice, but I would suggest sitting down with your fiance and letting her know how you are feeling and maybe postponing the wedding for a few more months.
I do not know if depression is the right diagnosis as much as you being scared and questioning your ability to again get married and trust another human being in your life. I also do not think getting on antidepressant is the right thing to do. I suggest that you either speak to a marriage counsellor by yourself and also with your fiance to get your feeling known. You can also seek out help with a social worker or physcologist (?)sp to help you sort our your fears and maybe help identify what you are really afraid of and how best to compensate for these fears.
It really is not fair to you or your fiance to get married when you really are not ready to commit.
Think about it and let me know how you are doing.
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Old 03-04-2011, 06:24 AM   #6
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Re: i think im depressed but 3 years after divorce?

Having trust issues three years after divorce? Sounds like you are just a normal person to me. No one wants their heart torn apart once, much less twice. I agree with shisslak, that it sounds like you would really benefit from talking to someone about this. I found a wonderful counselor. A good one will work with you to help you see things with a clear perspective.

This problem could end up putting a rift between you and your fiance if it's not addressed. She deserves to know what's going on in your head and your heart- honesty always. Before jumping in with both feet again, I think you owe it to yourself and your fiance to resolve this.

You are also free to continue to use the message boards to vent. It has certainly helped me.
Good Luck,

 
Old 03-04-2011, 12:23 PM   #7
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Re: i think im depressed but 3 years after divorce?

Thank you everyone! I just wanted to say that since I posted this I have started citalopram and I have been married almost a year. I am probably happier than ever. I'm starting to think I had a bit of a problem all along and needed medication. I got to the point where I would wake up in a bad mood like I just had a bad day. I never felt refreshed. Now, through medicine and changing bad habits, I have confidence and feel great. Thanks for the replies and for this website. A year ago I was hitting rock bottom emotionally while my life was truly great. Its hard to explain but every little bit helped. Thanks everyone

 
Old 07-18-2011, 01:32 PM   #8
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Re: i think im depressed but 3 years after divorce?

In opening an old thread I assumed I would not get to know how things turned out -- imagine my suprise to see that you had come back over a year later and updated everybody. I'm so glad that you sought help and are feeling so much better -- and that you came back to let us know! Thanks!

Take care.

 
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