It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Divorce & Separation Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-24-2010, 08:51 AM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 30
Ibycus HB User
Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

My boyfriend is a divorced dad of 2 boys (9 & 11). Unfortunately, like many others, my bf was laid off and took a HUGE pay cut in salary. We have the boys a lot although the mother has primary custody. He of course, also pays child support.

It is in my nature to want to share everything with my partner, but my partner has to contribute to two households. I am contributing a lot more money to our household as well as to feeding his kids as well. They have a room in our home, etc too.

My bf wants to have a shared household budget and pool money, but when he makes a lot less and has to pay for the kids I am looking for advice on how others have handled that. I want to be a "household" and share but I don't want to be in a situation where I am putting too much of my money out for his kids as a result and being resentful. If it was just he and I and he made less money, that would be another story.

Any suggestions, advice or related stories would be appreciated.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-24-2010, 09:23 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
trystme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,101
trystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB User
Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

I listen to Dave Ramsey everyday. He is a financial advisor and sometimes concentrates on the relationship aspects of money. I don't know if you have ever heard him or not.

Anyway, he tells couples not to "play house" unless they are married but if they insist on living together then keep everything separate. Don't act like you are married when you aren't.

He should have his bills and things that he is responsible for and you should have yours. Yours are going to be more since he is spread more thin.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-24-2010, 09:32 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,417
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

I wouldn't pool your money.....he's got nothing to lose and everything to gain, where you on the other hand.....well you can do the math....
you already know he makes less than you and has more expenses. Why would you even consider this?

 
Old 03-24-2010, 09:40 AM   #4
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 5,109
writeleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB User
Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

I agree, do not pool your money.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 11:49 AM   #5
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 434
caberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB User
Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

My wife and I opened a joint "house" checking account when we first started living together (long before getting married). From that we paid the "house" expenses--rent, utilities, cable, etc. These are fairly fixed numbers so you can figure out how much you need in there each month. We skewed our contributions based on who was making more (I made more at one time, then she was making more when I went back to school), but you could also split the contributions down the middle to make it "fair."

As for "house" expenses going towards his kids, you're in a tough position on that one. I can imagine that it would be really frustrating to have your hard earned money go towards someone else's kids--I don't know if I could do it. But, on the other hand, it doesn't sound like he can pay child support to the mom and also support his kids at your house. Maybe he should look into getting the child support order modified if he is in fact providing "double" support.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 02:40 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 969
justmel30 HB User
Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

I think I would just tell him that you like the way things are. That you do not believe in combining all the finances until you are married. The problem with combining your money is not just that right now, he can get into it for whatever, even though by the time bills, food, mortgage, and all the other necessities are paid, whats left is probably yours. But that also, if the two of you break up, and have developed any type of a savings together, he is entitled to half of anything joint. At least in the state of michigan anyway. I would not do it. I would keep the money seperate. If he feels like it isn't equal or like he is somehow being slighted, then he needs to find a way to contribute more so it is more even.
Melissa

Last edited by justmel30; 03-24-2010 at 02:40 PM.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 02:59 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,049
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

I agree with everyone. Don't do it. It will only cause you major headaches if you combine all your funds.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 03:25 PM   #8
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: ny ny usa
Posts: 150
nobodyknows HB User
Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

do not even think about it.
no no no.
i only lived with a guy outside of marriage once for six months before moving back to my apt.
it was his idea, b/c he wanted us to get engaged "test things out" first
i told him he could pay all the household bills, plus the rents & utilities on my apt in case either one of us changed our mind so i could move back.
so that's how we did it, & i would never do it any other way...
sorry but what some people call equality i see as a free nanny/ laundry/ cook service plus a break on the bills for the guy plus if you start to have doubts you have to scramble desperately to find a friend to go stay with?
These roomie situations have lots of benefits for the guys who aren't serious enough to buy a ring...

edited to add: even with the arrangement i had in place, i still felt like i had wasted 6 months of my life.

Last edited by nobodyknows; 03-24-2010 at 04:47 PM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Sharing your BF with video games Dark Stranger Relationship Health 11 04-15-2009 07:15 AM
How do you pay for your personal expenses awaiting a lung transplant? aipforum Transplants 0 09-09-2008 10:26 AM
Is it normal for a Lawyer to ask for %0.00 in expenses at a Pre-hearing meeting? jbsim Disabilities 6 03-10-2008 12:19 AM
he's still not divorced linda38 Divorce & Separation 32 12-26-2007 02:27 PM
Workman Comp Not Paying Expenses clarrysage Disabilities 13 08-28-2007 08:02 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:12 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!