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Old 03-24-2010, 07:51 AM   #1
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Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

My boyfriend is a divorced dad of 2 boys (9 & 11). Unfortunately, like many others, my bf was laid off and took a HUGE pay cut in salary. We have the boys a lot although the mother has primary custody. He of course, also pays child support.

It is in my nature to want to share everything with my partner, but my partner has to contribute to two households. I am contributing a lot more money to our household as well as to feeding his kids as well. They have a room in our home, etc too.

My bf wants to have a shared household budget and pool money, but when he makes a lot less and has to pay for the kids I am looking for advice on how others have handled that. I want to be a "household" and share but I don't want to be in a situation where I am putting too much of my money out for his kids as a result and being resentful. If it was just he and I and he made less money, that would be another story.

Any suggestions, advice or related stories would be appreciated.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 08:23 AM   #2
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Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

I listen to Dave Ramsey everyday. He is a financial advisor and sometimes concentrates on the relationship aspects of money. I don't know if you have ever heard him or not.

Anyway, he tells couples not to "play house" unless they are married but if they insist on living together then keep everything separate. Don't act like you are married when you aren't.

He should have his bills and things that he is responsible for and you should have yours. Yours are going to be more since he is spread more thin.

 
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Old 03-24-2010, 08:32 AM   #3
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Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

I wouldn't pool your money.....he's got nothing to lose and everything to gain, where you on the other hand.....well you can do the math....
you already know he makes less than you and has more expenses. Why would you even consider this?

 
Old 03-24-2010, 08:40 AM   #4
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Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

I agree, do not pool your money.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 10:49 AM   #5
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Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

My wife and I opened a joint "house" checking account when we first started living together (long before getting married). From that we paid the "house" expenses--rent, utilities, cable, etc. These are fairly fixed numbers so you can figure out how much you need in there each month. We skewed our contributions based on who was making more (I made more at one time, then she was making more when I went back to school), but you could also split the contributions down the middle to make it "fair."

As for "house" expenses going towards his kids, you're in a tough position on that one. I can imagine that it would be really frustrating to have your hard earned money go towards someone else's kids--I don't know if I could do it. But, on the other hand, it doesn't sound like he can pay child support to the mom and also support his kids at your house. Maybe he should look into getting the child support order modified if he is in fact providing "double" support.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 01:40 PM   #6
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Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

I think I would just tell him that you like the way things are. That you do not believe in combining all the finances until you are married. The problem with combining your money is not just that right now, he can get into it for whatever, even though by the time bills, food, mortgage, and all the other necessities are paid, whats left is probably yours. But that also, if the two of you break up, and have developed any type of a savings together, he is entitled to half of anything joint. At least in the state of michigan anyway. I would not do it. I would keep the money seperate. If he feels like it isn't equal or like he is somehow being slighted, then he needs to find a way to contribute more so it is more even.
Melissa

Last edited by justmel30; 03-24-2010 at 01:40 PM.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 01:59 PM   #7
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Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

I agree with everyone. Don't do it. It will only cause you major headaches if you combine all your funds.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 02:25 PM   #8
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Re: Sharing expenses with a divorced dad

do not even think about it.
no no no.
i only lived with a guy outside of marriage once for six months before moving back to my apt.
it was his idea, b/c he wanted us to get engaged "test things out" first
i told him he could pay all the household bills, plus the rents & utilities on my apt in case either one of us changed our mind so i could move back.
so that's how we did it, & i would never do it any other way...
sorry but what some people call equality i see as a free nanny/ laundry/ cook service plus a break on the bills for the guy plus if you start to have doubts you have to scramble desperately to find a friend to go stay with?
These roomie situations have lots of benefits for the guys who aren't serious enough to buy a ring...

edited to add: even with the arrangement i had in place, i still felt like i had wasted 6 months of my life.

Last edited by nobodyknows; 03-24-2010 at 03:47 PM.

 
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