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Old 03-24-2010, 08:56 AM   #1
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divorce or no divorce

I've asked my husband for a divorce because I just had enough. His friends are more important than his family. He kept on saying he doesn't want me. Come home late at night. My friends doesn't want me to get divorced and keep on saying that I must reconsider. I don't love him anymore but don't want to hurt his feelings. Because of this I've been admitted to hospital 4 times (depression).

A friend of mine said he will be their for me during the divorce. He kept on saying that I can do better. In the meantime I've fallen in love with him.

I'm so confused.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 09:06 AM   #2
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Re: divorce or no divorce

what's there to think about?
in this situation, I'd say.......divorce!

 
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Old 03-24-2010, 09:12 AM   #3
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Re: divorce or no divorce

Why would you stay if you don't love him anymore? Do you have kids? How old are you? It sounds like D is the best option from the info given.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 09:46 AM   #4
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Re: divorce or no divorce

I'm 35. Married for 8 years. I don't think my friend is interested. If only he knew how much I love him.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 09:50 AM   #5
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Re: divorce or no divorce

Your husband sounds like he has completely given up on you and in so many words had told you he does not care about your marriage...

Quote:
He kept on saying he doesn't want me. Come home late at night.
-- I dont think it can be any clearer

Quote:
My friends doesn't want me to get divorced and keep on saying that I must reconsider.
--Easy for them, they are not the ones dealing with it

Quote:
I don't love him anymore
-- not to mention, he does not want you and doesn't seem to care too much about your feelings, prioritizing his friends over you/his family

Is there a point in saving this marriage? That is the question you should ask yourself.

I dont really know all the specifics. I do not know your husband. My opinion is simply based on all the information you have given... from what I gather, you do not want to be with him and he does not want to be with you. If that is the case, why are you so concerned about hurting his feelings??

He did not seem to care too much about your feelings when he told you he did not want you!

 
Old 03-24-2010, 09:54 AM   #6
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Re: divorce or no divorce

Also, I would deal with one thing at a time. You are contemplating divorce... focus on that.

I would lay off any kind of confession you have towards your friend. Thats just too much. -- Im not saying you had plans of confessing your love to him... I just wanted to go ahead and throw that out there

 
Old 03-24-2010, 11:12 AM   #7
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Re: divorce or no divorce

It sounds like your husband is already checked out of the marriage. He's made that rather painfully clear. Why are you worried abouthurting HIS feelings after he has been so hurtful? Keep telling him the truth (you don't love him anymore and you are leaving). He certainly is not doing anything to shelter YOU from the pain of telling you his feelings.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 11:21 AM   #8
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Re: divorce or no divorce

If you are no longer in love with your husband, and you are suffering emotionally to the point where you need to be hospitalized, then I definately would agree that some changes need to be made. Now let's put those changes aside for a moment and talk about your friend. This is a classic case of hero worship. Here comes this man, and he swoops in...in the same manner you wish your husband had done, he makes you feel safe and calm again, and now your in love. When my husband passed away, his best friend did the same thing for me and I fell head over heals. Many argue that it isnt real love. Whether it was or not I really cant say, I know it sure felt like it. But on some level, real love has to be reciprocated on some level. Having said that, the reality of it was, he was just honoring his friend, and trying to help me out. He didnt love me, he didnt want me, he just wanted to make sure I was ok. And I had to do the big embarassing thing of "confessing my feelings". OYE! Even reliving that day for a moment makes me wish the earth would swollow me alive! In short, not only did he not have the same feelings, but I chased the poor guy away, and have not seen or heard from him since. Oh well, we live and we learn. What I'm getting at, is dont be confused first of all. It is natural for feelings to develop for a person who comes along and makes us feel special again. A person who treats you like a priority and not just a pain in the butt. But dont forget what his intentions are, and if you value your friendship, leave as such. Also, it may benefit you to look for a different form of support to help you through this hard time. You could try a counselor, a support group, womens resource center, or something like that. It might help you to focus on what you need to do, along with giving you the support you need to get through it, without involving Mr. Wonderful and making things more complicated for you. I hope that helps some.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 11:34 AM   #9
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Re: divorce or no divorce

Why is there even a question of staying with a man who keeps telling you he doesn't want you, and staying out late at night (we can all guess what he's doing)? This is not even a marriage in name only. You two are not partners in any sense of the word.

Your "friends" may mean well, but they do not have to livein this marriage. You do. you're the one who gets to hear how he doesn't want you, not them.

Don't stay because you're worried about hurting his feelings. Don't stay out of fear. Don't stay because your friends think that's what you should do. The only reason to stay in a marriage is if there is still love there and a chance to work things out and make the partnership strong again. You have given no indication at all that there is any chance of that here.

 
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