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Old 01-07-2011, 10:04 PM   #1
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Unhappy Marrying a divorced woman with kids

Hi All,

I have been in a relation with a woman for past 6 yrs and now we intend to get married. When the relationship started he was suffering from a bad marriage and eventually after struggling she has finally got a divorce last year. I told my parents about me marrying her but they just wont agree to our marriage first thing being i was younger to her by 5 yrs and secondly she was married and thirdly that she had kids and then they keep talking about society.

I tried all sort of things to get them convinced but they just wont listen and as for me i am just deeply in love with her and i am ready to accept her even though she has kids cos i never see any problem there and even the kids have accepted me as a part of their family.

She is very well natured and down to earth and i know if my parents accept her they will definitely be happy.

Its been 6 yrs since we have been in this relation and i really want her in my life because i know that we understand each other very well and that i can definitely give her a good life.

Kindly advice how to make it work and make my parents accept her.

 
Old 01-08-2011, 12:33 AM   #2
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Re: Marrying a divorced woman with kids

It would be nice if the parents would accept your beloved. But it has been six years already that you have been together and they have not. Five years is not that much of an age difference and I dare say if it were the other way around no one would have an objection.

I do not know how old you are but it is time to quit trying to get your parents approval for what you do in your life. A man must leave his mother and a woman must leave her home.

As for society? I can't imagine that society would have one thing to say to me about my own decisions in life. Your life is your own. Live it.

Sincerely, searchin

 
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Old 01-10-2011, 03:02 AM   #3
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Re: Marrying a divorced woman with kids

Hey thanx a ton for that wonderful reply. I had thought abt it a lot of times but the problem is that my mom suffers from blood sugar and high blood pressure and i dont want anything to happen to her nonetheless even i have started developing a condition of the lungs Bronchial-Spasm due to heavy smoking and depression over these years and the doctors have suggested i quit smoking soon else it would be too late for any medications. My family is still unaware of the medical condition i am in. I just know that she is the girl i want to be with and i know she too wishes the same. Hope my family agrees as i dont want bad blood because of one step that i take.

 
Old 01-11-2011, 07:19 PM   #4
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Re: Marrying a divorced woman with kids

You are still smoking? You have fallen in love and you have so much going for you. Why not begin to take steps to quit smoking?

One way would be to smoke one less cigarette every five to seven days. In other words, taper yourself off of them. If you taper it will cause you less stress and withdrawal problems. Not being able to breathe is not something you want to live with. There are a lot of consequences that go along with smoking such as emphysema. Imagine having to sit up and lean over just to breathe. Imagine inhalers and medications and an oxygen tank twenty-four seven.

Just think how devastating this would be for your beloved.

I know about depression and it is no easy ticket. I hope you have been able to find a medication or some other type of treatment to help you with that. Is it clinical or has something happened that sent you into a depression?

I am concerned and thinking about you....Sincerely, searchin

 
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Old 01-12-2011, 12:07 AM   #5
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Re: Marrying a divorced woman with kids

cooldude, If you did marry her, would it be the custom for you and her to live with your parents? Or could you live separately on your own?...janiee

 
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Old 01-12-2011, 03:00 AM   #6
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Re: Marrying a divorced woman with kids

@Searching : Like i said in the past i had spoken about this relation to my parents and they had disagreed for the same and hence i took up a job elsewhere (previously used to support dad in his business) and thats wen i used to think a lot as to why things didnt happen and used to get upset because of that and all this led to depression as i was always upset about the relation not working out...

 
Old 01-12-2011, 03:01 AM   #7
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Re: Marrying a divorced woman with kids

@Janiee : Well if you ask me personally i would just want to be with her and kids but she insists that she wants my folks to agree for this marriage and that they also stay with us but its jus not working out that way..

 
Old 01-12-2011, 10:11 AM   #8
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Re: Marrying a divorced woman with kids

Thought I'd post a comment, in hopes that it will help you in your dilemma. Most parents just want the best for their children, and I'm sure that their disapproval of your relationship is coming from concern and societal traditions. If possible, ask your parents directly what concerns them about your relationship with this woman. If their concerns are valid, address each one of them to their satisfaction.

My thought would be that the barrier can be broken down if they better got to know your girlfriend. After 6 years, I don't know how much contact they had with her during that time.

Hopefully, if they saw what you see in her and the way you are happy around her and her children, then they would realize that maybe a divorced woman with children is not such a terrible thing. Often the idea is much worse than the real thing.

If possible, try to arrange a meal get-together where you and your girlfriend can visit and talk with your parents. Perhaps the children can draw pictures for your parents or you can have an outing at a park or zoo and include your parents so that they can see the benefits of the relationship to you and to them- grandchildren- to-be. Little ones are good at charming. (Make sure you have plenty of snacks and they are not tired- wouldn't want them to be cranky and noisy- that could go the other way. Don't really know their ages.) If your mother cannot tolerate a walking outing, you could find something less physical or provide a wheelchair.

Just some suggestions- don't know if you have tried this already or not. But, my mother didn't like my husband- to-be and I married him anyway. Big mistake. She must have subconsciously saw something I didn't. We are now getting a divorce. Try to be open minded and don't let your heart blind you either. Good Luck!

Last edited by Sunsetnan; 01-12-2011 at 10:11 AM.

 
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Old 01-12-2011, 11:23 AM   #9
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Thumbs up Re: Marrying a divorced woman with kids

If marrying her makes you happy, i dont see why any1 should have a problem. They should be happy that you are happy and not being taken advantage of. It is not about your parents, it's about you.

 
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Old 01-12-2011, 12:50 PM   #10
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Re: Marrying a divorced woman with kids

Quote:
Originally Posted by cooldude001 View Post

Kindly advice how to make it work and make my parents accept her.
You can't MAKE them accept her. If you love her, marry her. If your parents choose not to accept her, I would suggest you refuse any invitations to family events where they choose not to invite her. They can either choose to accept her and include her, or lose you. But in the end, if you are going to marry this woman, you need to place her first in your life. Don't marry her if you cannot do that.

Personally I think your parents will come around, once you're married.

Oh: for what it's worth, my parents initially were against the man I've been with for 10 years, the reason being that he had children already and I didn't want any and my mom felt if I married him that I'd never have kids. She denies ever being against him now, though, and loves him. Despite the fact I haven't provided her any grandkids.

Last edited by EagleRiverDee; 01-12-2011 at 12:51 PM.

 
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Old 01-12-2011, 04:01 PM   #11
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Re: Marrying a divorced woman with kids

If it is your fiance' that insists on your parents accepting her and her children before you marry, that is more difficult. If strong tradition dictates that your parents live with you too, that makes things very complicated.

It would be so sad if some compromise cannot be reached, but it seems to be between your fiance' and your parents at this point. I can see why your fiance's would want your parents approval, so she and her children knew they were accepted.

Of course, in our tradition, we grow up, we leave home, we marry, and our parents wishes are not our first concern when it comes to choosing our mates. I respect your cultural differences, and imagine this is a dilemma that many people are face with at your age. It is hard enough to find someone to love, without having to get acceptance from others, but our parents are special. That relationship last our entire lives.

i hope you find the answers you are looking for...Best to you

 
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Old 01-17-2011, 05:55 AM   #12
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Re: Marrying a divorced woman with kids

Dont be frightened,tell your parents that if they cant agree with you marrying this girl then you will have to "live In sin" what would they prefer.
Apart from that it is your life so do what you want to do and worry about the consequences later.

 
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