My STBX has not contributed to the support of his kids or me for the last 3-4 months. The house mortgage is in default, and the bank is threatening to start foreclosure. I have to do some creative financing to pay the remainder of the bills and feed two hungry teenagers on what little I get from Social Security Disability.
I have a court date next week that will calendar the mediation for visitation (btw I have a temporary restraining order on my STBX) within a couple of weeks of that, but I have to wait up to a month later for the hearing for child support.
That in itself seems unfair, but I guess we have to go through the process. But, what really gets me is that my STBX's attorney filed an order to show cause because my STBX wants to take separate and community property from the house. He wants his high dollar scuba gear that I paid for with my separate money and ski equipment and high dollar tools claiming that he needs them for work. Well, I don't think it will snow or flood anytime soon in Central California. And, his father has the same tools, although probably not as fancy, that he could use until our property is fairly divided.
What really gets me upset is that the court already gave him a temporary agreement and a court date in a couple of weeks, so even though I am chronically ill, I am forced to collect two pages worth of equipment for him so that he can stockpile them away. He even asked for food he'd left in the garage freezer!
Of course, I will have to try to value the items over the weekend and take pictures according to my attorney. And, yes, it would have had to have been done anyway at some point, but it's upsetting that the court makes this judgment, and makes me do all this work even before they set a court date to provide any child support! It all seems unfair! Can't they get an emergency child support hearing?
And, on top of it all, my STBX still hasn't provided the items that the court ordered him to provide to me, such as the keys to the trailer, the mailbox, etc.. I had to pay for a locksmith to pick the lock to the trailer and had to pay to have the mailbox lock changed. He also has violated the restraining order on three separate occasions and he's still managing to harass and control me- even through the court system, just like he did throughout our marriage.
I have to remind myself that this man is a chronic liar, cheater, and thief, and what else can you expect from him? There is more, but I think I've vented enough. I know that life is not always fair, but all these frustrating things just push down what little self esteem I have left into nothing. The helplessness one feels when being pushed into an unfair situation like this is almost more than one can bare.
My sister has been my rock. She has been on the phone with me nearly everyday, sometimes several times a day, listening to the latest drama. She's an hour away and has driven and accompanied me to court, and has helped me with a lot. I can't imagine how this would be for someone without some kind of emotional help. And being able to vent on this board has helped, too.
I'd appreciate any ideas to help the situation, or even a been- there- done-that note of encouragement.
Im sorry your going through this. I've been where your at.. well sorta. A little different scenerio, but still divorce is always ugly. Especiall when someone acts like an horses$%^ Be thankful for your sister, and let her know your thankful. If it weren't for my sister i would have had no where else to go except a shelter. Thank GOD for sisters huh.. It is hard trying to raise adults, so when the parents go acting bad it only reflects back on them and the kids will not like what he done to his family. I wish you the best of luck with your life and raising your adults..
Thanks for your reply. I guess I just needed to vent. I've heard that the divorce process is considered a "legal rape," and I can certainly understand that now. I've noticed that I've been able to tolerate each blow of the legal system a little easier each time- just like a victim of abuse. At some point, I will be broken down and not care anymore. Pull the bandaid off and get it over with! I want to start healing.
Sorry I have not written lately, been busy shoveling snow, snow and more snow.
I feel you pain with the court process. I went for my pre-trial conference on Monday and after traveling one hour to the courthouse is subzero weather (-7 with a wind chill of -25)my conference was continued after my STBX told the judge that he was not ready, that his attorney has been out of the country for 2 1/2 weeks and has not had time to review the separation agreement (he has had the agreement for two months). The judge also did not discuss the child support issue, she only concentrated on the outstanding mortgage issue (looked at me and said "do you realize that you are also responsible for the mortage payment") My attorney informed her that I was paying rent on an apartment and caring for our daughter and that my STBX was living in the house rent free. She gave my husband a six weeks extension (March 9) to get his act together.
Aside from the one way court process--how are the boys doing?
I have resorted to making a big pot of tomatoe sauce and buying large boxes of pasta. I also make sure that I have plenty of milk and my daughter's favorite cereal on hand and boxes and boxes of "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. When payday comes around I buy a Chicken Roaster so that she has some kind of meat a couple times in a two week period.
Family support is key when going through this divorce processes.
My one question to you is why is you attorney letting you husband get the best of the court--is he not speaking up on your behalf and requesting explanations as to the continual violations of the court imposed restraining orders?
Hope your week in uneventful--more snow on the horizen mid week for me.
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Nice to hear from you again. No snow here. Can't imagine what it would be like being that cold. We've had a few ice-on-the-windshield mornings, but otherwise, not too bad. We've had fog in the early morning and night, but sunshine during the day last week. This weekend was overcast and it finally rained a little today.
The boys are doing great. Things are back to normal for the moment. In fact, the boys are getting along a lot better, and the constant chaos is gone for now. I'm a bit less paranoid, but as soon as I put my guard down, there is another drama.
Yesterday, my STBX came back for the trailer with a police officer. I told the cop that he was showing everyone the wrong paper. I showed her on the court order that the pages that the judge signed did NOT have the truck and trailer on it. The paper he was showing everyone was the request sent to my attorney, not the court order. So, then when I pointed out that he should not have two vehicles, he said he wanted to give back the truck!
The police officer told him to just take the truck and leave. Then, my STBX told me that I would have to pay the trailer DMV tags and handed me the papers. I looked at the papers and he had already tried to change the address on the DMV renewal to the trailer! I said to the cop, "Something funny is going on here."
Don't you think that his attorney would have told him that he did not get a court order for the vehicles? So, if he knew, then my STBX was going against the court order and trying to trick everyone just so he could take separate and community property from me. I wonder what kind of penalty there is for fraud? He may end up in jail yet.
I also commented to the cop (who happened to be a woman), "You can see why I have to go through an attorney with this guy." She just nodded. We have a hearing for this on Wednesday and that is only because of him. It will cost us both money we don't have. My attorney is going to ask that my STBX be responsible for paying for this unnecessary court hearing.
I hope to get the other car back. He may just have to bring back everything that he took. Wouldn't that be something? They also set up mediation for the same day. There shouldn't be too many surprises with that because I have a TRO, but you never know with the court system.
Hopefully, they'll use their time to calendar the hearing for child support. My attorney says that she will try to get them to withdraw it directly out of his check. She also mentioned that for every month that he is late paying, he will have to pay an additional $100. She says that he was supposed to start paying when he received the first divorce papers, so he is already two months behind and they've added an extra $200. You would think that his atty would have mentioned that to him. And, I thought that my atty wasn't doing her job.
My insurance pays for 20 visits to see a counselor, so I have been seeing one every few weeks or so. She has been very helpful. I would like to get the kids to see one if possible when we move.
Getting a continuance is such a waste of time and money. How frustrating! How can they expect you to pay for half the mortgage when you and your daughter are trying to stretch your money enough to buy food?
Keep your chin up. Don't forget you are making a better life for yourself and your daughter. Sorry this was so long- needed to vent some more so I won't explode. Stay warm, Brenda.