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Old 03-22-2011, 09:20 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: springhill ks
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kcdano HB User
My story

Hello to all,

I am here today to tell my story. My name is Dan and I have been married 14yrs and 9 mo and with her for 17 years. This is kinda hard for me to get through so please bare with me. My wife and I both work for her family owed business, within the past month i was asked if i would like to travel internationally for the company, and i said sure. So in late February i went on a 2 week trip to Germany and came home to a happy and stable home, and then was asked to go to belgium the first week of march 2011 so i said yes, I was leaving on Monday Feb 28Th, well on Saturday Feb 26Th at about 12:30 I got out of bed to get a drink and use the rest room, and heard my wife's IPhone ding with a text, well being that I have a 23yr old son and a 19 yr old son I said i better check it to make sure it wasn't one of them in trouble, and it wasn't It was my wife's right hand man at work telling her good night with a happy face. So I checked the rest of her phone and saw a lot of text but nothing "bad". The next evening i questioned her about why he would be texting her at 12:30am and she well we were talking about work stuff earlier that evening. I just wasn't sitting well with me. So Monday came and i left for my week long trip to Belgium, i would call home she said everything was fine. Well the week has past and i am home, and still thinking why would this guy text my wife, and decided to check her phone again, only to find that her history had been wiped clean. So like a dummy i asked her why, and she got mad for "Spying on her" So a day or two pasted and I noticed that she was not acting right feel distant very sad in the face, so I asked her what was wrong and was told that she is not in a good mental place and needed time alone. So a day or two passes and I am thinking something is not right, so with in my job as a facilities manager i decide to contact ATT wireless and learn how to pull reports on her work cell phone, and I did, and i found that from the moment i left for Belgium her and her colleague had a text affair, over 900 text in 5 days and they work together, they would start a 1pm and go until 3 am and start again at 6am. So i did what a man had to do and call her them both out on it, and was told that I am in the wrong for checking on her, she then called ATT and had me blocked from the account, keep in mind that my wife is the CEO/CFO of our company. So this brings me to this week, On Saturday March 19Th my family and my in-laws where scheduled to leave for our yearly week long vacation to Mexico. It had been decided that the best thing to do for our 3 kids was to go on the trip and act as if everything was fine, so on Thursday March 17Th i was asked to check our home email for some tickets we needed for our trip, while checking I saw 5 new face-book email's to my wife titled "I am Done" so like any body I read them and it was my wife emailing an old friend telling them that she was done with me and that she hated me and always has, and she was just using me to get through the trip to Mexico, and when we returned she was going to destroy me. Keep in mind that were a suppose to leave in less then 48 hrs. So i confronted her about the email and i was told that she was drunk and that is was dumb of her to do that. So on Friday March 18Th i decided that i was in to much shock and pain to go on the trip. So I was told to stay home and take care of the house and dogs, while her and the kids leave anyway, and that if I spoke to anyone at work about the affair i would lose my job, and i was told do not try and contact them during there trip. So here i am today sick as a dog watching my life crumble before me with a strait jacket on and a muzzle in my mouth,and being cut off at the knees. And she cut all my communications with "our" friends. I promise to all of you i am not leaving anything out, I am a great husband an Dad ,i don't drink do drugs nothing I shower my family with so much love and gifts, and always put them first, I can tell you that she is "OCD" and her mother sister and nephew all have Bi-polar bad, and that she has done this to me before but never this extreme. I am lost what can I do. BTW i can not stay at my house so i am staying with my mom. I really need help. And the best part is that i was told that nothing will happen to her colleague that she had the affair with and that he is safe.

 
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Old 03-22-2011, 10:23 AM   #2
Junior Member
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chico, Ca
Posts: 20
lexidrifts13 HB User
Re: My story

Im sorry that you have to go through this. I wish I had some words of wisdom or something to tell you that will make you feel better, but the truth is I dont. I know that it took a lot for you to write and tell your story and I just wanted to make sure that you knew someone read it and is here to listen when you need it.

It will get worse before it gets better, but it WILL get better. I hope that it doesn't change anything for you as it relates to your work. There are still laws in the workplace, remember that.

Lexi

 
Old 03-22-2011, 11:25 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Needham,MA
Posts: 861
shisslak HB Usershisslak HB Usershisslak HB Usershisslak HB Usershisslak HB Usershisslak HB Usershisslak HB User
Re: My story

kcdano

Do you want to remain married is the first question you need to answer. If the answer is NO, than you know what you must do.

You need to retain legal counsel because there are going to be assets that need to be split. You are also going to need to obtain new employment which may not be an easy task. I would assume that your wife makes more money than you do so part of the temporary orders that you want to obtain is spousal support. You mentioned two sons who are considered adults so child support and custody will not be an issue for them, however, I noticed that you said 3 children, how old is the third child?

In terms of employment, I would suggest that you get your resume out there. You may also want to check out employment agencies that search for jobs for you or they may be able to obtain some temporary jobs to keep you working until you are able to find a permanent position.

Who carries the health insurance? You can also request she maintain health coverage on you until you are able to get employment and qualify for health insurance with your employer. Do you want to keep the house or are you willing to find a new place to live? Is your wife able to buy you out of your share of the house?

Your attorney fees can also be charged off to your wife because she is the one who has not been faithful.

You have a lot to think about and I can promise you it is not an easy situation you find your self in; however, you must know that you did not do anything to break up the marriage. Separation and divorce are not an easy task however, if you get good quality counsel to help you through the process, than you will come out alright on the other side.

Please write us with any questions you may have and anytime that you feel that you must vent. There is always someone on this board who will answer you back and support you through this difficult time.
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Brenda

Last edited by moderator2; 03-22-2011 at 12:15 PM. Reason: please do not post a commercial website

 
Old 03-22-2011, 07:56 PM   #4
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: springhill ks
Posts: 4
kcdano HB User
Re: My story

Thanks for the support everyone, I guess to answer your questions one at a time. Yes we have 3 kids 19 21 and 14. I love my wife with all my heart and have for 17 years, and the more i speak to a councilor I realize that I have always put my wife in the center of my being, the decision of divorce is very hard to speak, at this time. Job in the state of Kansas it is a right to work state, and the other shareholders are saying that there is no reason that I should lose my job. Money, if divorce does happen she will have to buy me out of the company Kansas is 50/50 state so I get half of her shares, and yes she makes plenty more then me and would have to pay me maintenance. House i really don't care if she gets it she can have it, I would rather take whats mine and leave the rest behind and start over. It has been kinda strange going through this one minute I am crying one minute i am ****** and next and the next. The other thing that i find interesting is that ever one I have told about what has happen, be it a pastor or a councilor they are just speechless, I have nothing to hide here and there really isn't two side to this story. I have always thought I could fix my wife, and now i being told that I will never be able to fix her, and it will happen to anyone she is with in the future. But regardless I love so much, and not sure how to walk away.

 
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