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Old 05-27-2011, 06:00 PM   #1
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divorced and trying to work it out with wife

hello, I am new to this site and thought I would write about my situation and see if anyone has advice for me. I have been divorced from my wife since 07. We tried working it out once, but didn't work out. We are on our second try working it out. Little history with me, I made the biggest mistake divorcing my wife. I regret it to this day. I have had some insecurities and anger problems but went to see someone and also getting better. Drinking too much was a big issue too in our relationship and have started to quit. Anyhow its been 5 months now, I still pay for all her bills, got her a car, pretty much got her everything. She even wanted a boob job and I got that for her. Anyhow, I never hear from her during the week. She lives at the apt and I live with parents. I support her 100%. I want too, its just I never hear from her cause she is always tired. Our sex life is nothing, she has no sex driver and its been 16 months since we were intimiate. I have tried talking to her about, but her reasoning is it will change, she is just tired, also she says I talk about it too much. Well I have noticed a change in her behavior since last week. We never talk on the phone, I always initiate the contact, or text, and barely get replies. We have a 3 yr old which lives with me and my parents. I just want to be a family again. I am so hurt. I have read numerous books how to get wife back, I am tired of the games, why is communication so hard, why is being intimate with the woman you love so hard, she never wants too. Her dad just passed away as well so I can totally understand she may be in a tough place in life. Her family is tough to get a hold of and basically no relationship with them. Does anyone have any advice for me to get her back. I have hit a cross road, and have tried everything but just completely no contact at all. I appreciate your help.

 
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Old 05-31-2011, 08:26 PM   #2
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Re: divorced and trying to work it out with wife

You support her totally? Does she work? I think thats the problem why does she have to do anything for you including have sex or talk with you often.You pay and she does as she pleases/Cut of the money and see how quickly things will change!

 
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Old 06-01-2011, 02:03 AM   #3
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Re: divorced and trying to work it out with wife

If you have full custody of your son, you should not be supporting her. She should be paying you child support. Or, assuming she wasn't working when you met and/or took time off to have the baby and now cannot get a job, you should have no financial obligations to one another.

I think you need to see a counselor. You're divorced and you need to let go.

I am very sorry. Please do see a counselor or someone who can help you stand up to her. She is using and abusing you.

 
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Old 06-01-2011, 06:32 AM   #4
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Re: divorced and trying to work it out with wife

I appreciate both your comments. Deep down I may be in denial. She may be using me. But I love the woman. I had some issues in the past including drinking and anger problem which led to the divorce. I have since worked on that. She does work, and she does pay me child support. I love this woman though. These past five months she has had a lot play into her life. Her dad passed away as well as some close family members and friends have passed away. I want to be there for her. In two months, the I will be moving on either with her or without, cause thats when the lease is up. We have a great time when we are together, we still love each other, and I understand she is exhausted during the week cause of work which is reason I don't hear from her much. Right now for the next two months I just have the mindset of supporting her and being there for her. I need to understand more of the woman's perspective. Do you have any idea on what she could be thinking? She says she gets scared sometimes of the same previous things happening, me being stupid acting up in front of her friends, but I haven't done this. It's just hard I guess. I really appreciate both ur inputs in regards to this.

 
Old 06-01-2011, 01:54 PM   #5
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Re: divorced and trying to work it out with wife

What she could be thinking... I do not get people who live off of others, whom they do not support in any way. So, not really. If she is truly living off of you, however, and not taking care of her son even after hours, AND you are making the income to pay 100% of her bills, what is she doing at work? I don't get that, either.

Really, I think in this situation you could probably make more progress with a good family counselor in one session, than on the Internet in a year.

You do not need to support your ex-wife emotionally. It sounds like she doesn't want your support. She isn't refusing the money but she doesn't want the connection.

 
Old 06-01-2011, 02:09 PM   #6
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Re: divorced and trying to work it out with wife

i agree at times she doesnt want the emotional connection, but I love the woman. I will improve myself and take care of myself for now. We see each other every weekend, it's just she has a lot going on with family right now. I will just support her for now. I appreciate your response.

 
Old 06-07-2011, 07:31 AM   #7
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Re: divorced and trying to work it out with wife

Sting said it best:

If you love somebody set them free.

Take care.

 
Old 06-07-2011, 09:29 AM   #8
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Re: divorced and trying to work it out with wife

True. I mean I love the woman and want to spend the rest of my life with her, but her actions just don't add up. I barely hear from her during the week, she rarely calls me on the phone, just a few texts here and there during the week. I only see her four times a month. Then she has the nerve to say, most husbands wouldn't care if they only saw there wife once a week. I may be in denial. I read books all the time in regards to the subject. I would do anything to get my family back, but you can't make someone love you. Its very hard, even hard to be at work at times. How do people do it?

 
Old 06-07-2011, 12:44 PM   #9
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Re: divorced and trying to work it out with wife

"I may be in denial."

At least to some extent because if you are divorced, she's not getting back together with you. Otherwise you would be married.

Are you seeing a counselor? I know it's not a guy thing to do but seriously, you don't have to tell anyone. Tell them you deliver the coffee there. Something. Speak to a counselor, a man, not a woman, and a family counselor or personal counselor (not a psychologist, at least not yet). Counselors are very focused on taking action based on behavior and help you develop life patterns that will help you move on.

Best,

ANM

 
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Old 06-08-2011, 01:30 PM   #10
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Re: divorced and trying to work it out with wife

As a woman, my perspective is that she doesn't want you and that's not going to change. As the younger generation says, she's just not that into you. And she doesn't want a family - she just wants to do her own thing.

That's not a slam against you or her. It's just reality. And you need to accept it, quit giving her money and move on with your live. She's holding you back....and enjoying it, too.

 
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Old 06-09-2011, 10:59 AM   #11
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Re: divorced and trying to work it out with wife

If you want this woman back here is what you do. If all the bills are in YOUR name then you turn off her lights, her water, her computer, her cable. You DO NOT pay for one more thing!!! NOTHING! And when she comes crawling back to you to pay for them tell her NO, you are waiting for the right girl who will treat you right. You have treated her like a princess and it's time to STOP!

I'm a good looking girl and I can play the game better than the best and this woman is playing you like a fool. She will give you whatever you want to get you to pay her bills.

That's what she sees you as. Come on.......take care of you and your child. I am dead serious!!

 
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Old 06-09-2011, 01:11 PM   #12
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Re: divorced and trying to work it out with wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by walkingtall View Post
If you want this woman back here is what you do. If all the bills are in YOUR name then you turn off her lights, her water, her computer, her cable. You DO NOT pay for one more thing!!! NOTHING! And when she comes crawling back to you to pay for them tell her NO, you are waiting for the right girl who will treat you right. You have treated her like a princess and it's time to STOP!

I'm a good looking girl and I can play the game better than the best and this woman is playing you like a fool. She will give you whatever you want to get you to pay her bills.

That's what she sees you as. Come on.......take care of you and your child. I am dead serious!!
I think I may be in denial, or I know I am. It's just hard though. We have a 3 year old daughter, I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her, but your right her actions just don't add up. I need to know for myself that I have tried everything to make this family work, so when my daughter grows up and asks she'll know the truth. I am also attractive, but deep down I know this can work between us. I tend to always make excuses for her actions and so forth. I appreciate your comments. It's crazy, I pay all these things, do everything, and I don't hear from her all week. I guess that's where your joker sign comes in, I am a complete joke!

 
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