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Old 06-01-2011, 05:08 PM   #1
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Need your opinions on outcome

My wife filed for divorce leaving me for other man. We were married 6 years and have a 5 year old son. Wanting to save my family I gave up home in temp hearing thinking she wanted to work things out but she played me so she and OM could have house. I couldn't live there anyway even if I wanted to because it's next door to her family and they would harrass me. They have done a lot of underhanded things and I think this was in the works and planned for a while and "love is blind" so I didn't see it. During the final hearing it was agreed that I would waive my rights to house given she got a refinance loan and she would pay 50% of $13,000 credit card debt (which she run up) but would not agree to refinance for my share of equity because due to her income level from her job and her low credit score, her father would have to co-sign for refinance loan. She only makes $24K per year and cannot afford house payment and utilities without help when you put it all on paper. Her attorney stated that she applied for loan and that there was a 45 day waiting period and that was 6 months ago. It was stated during the hearing that if the loan did not go through that we would return to court to litigate house and credit card debt. I've gave into every request by being intimidated but now I am just angry and bitter. I just want what is fair. She brought the man in, wanted divorce; is getting her divorce. But he and she should not get it all. Since her income does not constitute being able to live like she was accustomed to and it's apparent with her credit score that she did not get loan nor has paid anything on credit debt. She moved this man in just within two weeks after I moved out with an impressionable child that is mine. Both of our names are on the mortgage. I can't move on or do anything due to my name attached to everything. The fair thing to do is to sell the house, pay off mortgage and all credit debt and if there is equity left, split it.
While it's on market, both of us split house payment and insurance and she move out. I don't want someone else living off my hard work. What are the odds of a lawmaster ruling this to happen? Also, if they would rule house to be sold, but would not order her out of house; what are the odds that I could get a stipulation placed that no male cohabitation could take place during the selling process since there is an impressionable child in marital residence? I have had nothing for a year and she and he have lived like nothing has changed and they have suffered nothing. During the final hearing I was freed of all financial responsibility and she had to pay everything with regard to house utilities and insurance. But she does not make enough to do this even thow she has been doing it. Her father and whomever else she can use has been helping but it cannot be sustained. I just want what is fair and just and this is not fair thus far because my credit is shot and tied up.

 
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Old 06-01-2011, 05:13 PM   #2
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Re: Need your opinions on outcome

I forgot to add that we have a hearing reopening the final order because her attorney did not revise order when it was written conveniently leaving key things out that applied to her in addition because he and she have not replied to any requests my attorney has set forth regarding credit debt, unpaid utility in my name that she was responsible for, and house refinance by her. Our hearing is June 30 and I need justice and fairness to be done so I can move on and pick up pieces and perhaps in time get a place of my own.

 
Old 06-02-2011, 12:25 AM   #3
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Re: Need your opinions on outcome

I don't know but I'm so sorry. That really sucks. I am SO glad I didn't take out a mortgage with my ex. Because I left my job to raise our kids (as he wanted me to, we had agreed) I am making jack-all now.

What I can say is, if she's making less than when she married you, and when she had the kid, i.e. if she left a better position to be a homemaker, your chances are worse than if she did not. After all, child care alone costs around $10k/year and that is the lowest estimate for a person needing 9 hrs/day.

Leave the other guy out of the discussion--whom she chooses to shack up with is her problem--unless you believe your child is at risk. And then it's custody, you'd have to ask to take custody of the child (and keep in mind that $10-15k annual bill for child care, I'm guessing most guys don't even pay THAT much in child support, not to mention the food, the clothes, etc. I'd say you can count on a good $15k of expenses per year for the child if he's with you, and that's living frugally).

But as far as the house goes, again, if she was a stay at home mom for several years and has to start her career over, she might get that as a reward for staying home with the baby. SAHM was the hardest and least rewarding job I ever had and if we had divorced in your situation I'd have asked for at least a roof over my head. Say she took three years off: that is $72,000 of lost income to raise your kid.

So if you add all that up, if you're really paying your share, that's about $1,500 / month in child support plus $72k in lost income.

Or she gets the house.

Which would you rather pay?

 
Old 06-02-2011, 07:35 AM   #4
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Re: Need your opinions on outcome

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonnymouse View Post
I don't know but I'm so sorry. That really sucks. I am SO glad I didn't take out a mortgage with my ex. Because I left my job to raise our kids (as he wanted me to, we had agreed) I am making jack-all now.

What I can say is, if she's making less than when she married you, and when she had the kid, i.e. if she left a better position to be a homemaker, your chances are worse than if she did not. After all, child care alone costs around $10k/year and that is the lowest estimate for a person needing 9 hrs/day.

Leave the other guy out of the discussion--whom she chooses to shack up with is her problem--unless you believe your child is at risk. And then it's custody, you'd have to ask to take custody of the child (and keep in mind that $10-15k annual bill for child care, I'm guessing most guys don't even pay THAT much in child support, not to mention the food, the clothes, etc. I'd say you can count on a good $15k of expenses per year for the child if he's with you, and that's living frugally).

But as far as the house goes, again, if she was a stay at home mom for several years and has to start her career over, she might get that as a reward for staying home with the baby. SAHM was the hardest and least rewarding job I ever had and if we had divorced in your situation I'd have asked for at least a roof over my head. Say she took three years off: that is $72,000 of lost income to raise your kid.

So if you add all that up, if you're really paying your share, that's about $1,500 / month in child support plus $72k in lost income.

Or she gets the house.

Which would you rather pay?
I think the point has been missed or I failed to mention that she has never been a stay at home mom.

First. She has never been a stay at home mom. Both of us worked during the entire marriage to make ends meet. She makes less money than me currently and has so for the last 3 years. But before that, she made more money than me but got fired from that job. So now she makes less with the job she currently has. Fact, she has worked the entire marriage. We hired baby sitters and used grand parents to watch child. When we were home, we shared in the duties but I did most of it and spent way more time with our son than she did. So she has never had to start career over she has been working all along but her income cannot sustain the house payment and so forth without help. No one will ever in this economy approve her for refinance loan, with her credit score the way it is and without co-signer. At least I do not believe so otherwise she would have already gotten the loan.

The fact that the other guy is living off my hard work and my name bothers me and he has since I moved out, while I have been forced to live like I've lived during the whole thing with credit in shambles and name on mortgage so I can't even attempt to get my own place. I have a word for people like him "sponge" or "person of very low character."

I do pay child support, on time and every month. In addition, I get my son every other week and spend additional money on him because I want to and because he is all I have. I also pay payment on all of the credit card debt she run up with no help even thow the agreement was she'd pay 50%. And she has the house too. So she has the best of everything while I suffer.

 
Old 06-05-2011, 11:21 AM   #5
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Re: Need your opinions on outcome

I see.

No I did not see that she was never a stay-at-home mom.

In that case, I think you do have a chance, because she did not lose any work to raise your child.

Still, your problem is your ex-wife, not this guy. Really. Kick her out, and he's out too. Don't focus on him. Sponge or not, he can move in with her if it's her place legally.

If you are concerned about the child, can you get half custody of him so he will not be as influenced by the other man?

Good luck. That sucks.

 
Old 06-05-2011, 02:47 PM   #6
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Re: Need your opinions on outcome

I do have half custody. My son favors me over her and I think it's because I focus more time on him. He never rarely talks about the OM. As for the house, Legally it's still in my name. At last hearing Courts ordered I did not have to pay for it but it's still in my name so I think the SOB should be out unless it's in her name. I hope the courts rule to order sell of house. That will show her she can't have her cake and eat it to and then we'll just see what this fellow is made of cause he will have to provide. He's a sick SOB and she's nothing more than a HO. And the child, myself and our families are forced to suffer because of their selfish ways.

 
Old 06-06-2011, 12:10 AM   #7
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Re: Need your opinions on outcome

Well at least you have your half custody.

A word from the wise... make sure they are not considered renters or squatters. Start looking into the rights of landowners / homeowners / landlords regarding delinquent renters or squatters now. I know you cannot in good conscience kick your own child out on the street (and while I don't know her personally, I do know that there are people who would do that), but if they are not legally married you might be able to kick him out in some other way.

Likewise, you know how people are... they might try to forestall sale of the home claiming their rights as residents / renters.

I hope you get to sell it. Good luck.

 
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