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Old 06-05-2011, 07:23 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: colorado
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dutchvixen HB User
My husband wants a divorce after 25 years together

I am at a loss what to do. My husband and I have been together 25 years and married22. We are best friends and have an awesome sex life.We do everything together. We have date nights about every week.
12 years ago we moved with our 2 children to a different state and started a restaurant together. We did it and now we have 2. We have always had pretty bad fights and my husband has always fought dirty with names and stuff like "i want a divorce". I know it is ridiculous and have always just walked away from our fights til he calmed down and we would make up.
Our boys are 18 and 17 now and all we have done for the past 4 years in their teenage stage is fight about discipline and consequences. we have been thru some hard times with our boys. My husband does not think i support him as a father and I tried until he gets so unreasonable with them.He will call them names and try to fight with them and I am stuck in the middle. And of course my boys will not put up with this and become just as angry(they have learned from him) and come back with that he is a bad father.
My oldest and my husband had a fight a week ago and it would have come to blows if I had not got in the middle. Next day my husband wants a divorce because he says he has come to the realization he is a bad father and we would all be better off without him. I told him that just because he is not getting along with the kids that his only solution is to leave me< his wife of 22 years?
This has gone on a week now and usually we make up in 3-4 days. He has gone out every night to be away from me, and i have talked to him twice to try and change his mind but he says he is done. Meanwhile he can talk to me about work and has moments where he can talk to me like we used too and then we go home and he wont talk.
And he is still sleeping in my bed and wont leave the house but has not taken any action towards a divorce. What the hell am I supposed to do? I dont want a divorce! For the past 3-4 years we have been planning our retirement and I just am in shock that he would actually leave me! we have been to counseling 3-4 times thru out our marriage and he refuses to go again. I am so lost right now!
Do i just tough it out and see if he gets over it or do i take more drastic action? We are in the process of buying some commercial property right now and he says we can't take any action til we finish this process because he says it would be to help secure my future. What the heck? I don't know how long I can last!

 
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Old 06-16-2012, 01:30 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naples, Italy
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onemomo2 HB User
Re: My husband wants a divorce after 25 years together

Wow! I feel like I'm reading my own story except for the restaurant and the ages of the boys. I wish I had an answer as I am in the middle of the same dilemma. I try to back up my husband, but don't always agree with the degree he takes things. I also feel like he's so quick to say "No" without having a specific reason why they can't do something. But, my oldest son just got caught with marijuana and now I'm left to feel pretty distressed as I don't know whether I am solely to blame (which he is saying) or whether it could have been prevented. We've cautioned him about the people he hangs out with and what he should and shouldn't be doing, but at 20, I think he has to be allowed some leeway to show his maturity or lack thereof - obviously LACKING!!! But my husband has used the same words "I'm Done" and "I want a divorce".

Wish I knew some advice to give, but I guess I'm anxiously waiting to see if anybody else has anything to share.

 
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