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Old 06-11-2011, 08:07 AM   #1
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lostinthesauce HB User
Confused.

hello Everyone.
I have been married for 3.5 years. About 1.5 years ago, I became a negative person that I am not and didn't treat my wife as good as I should have. She kicked me out about three weeks ago and I have been receiving therapy to improve all of my negative qualities that I hate. She hasn't filed for divorce but is saying that "She doesn't look at me the same." and "She values my friendship, but doesn't see us in a relationship ever again." She hasn't filed for divorce. She hasn't cheated on me and has no plans of dating anytime soon. Could it be the anger saying all these things and not really what she feels? I am going to give her the space and time that she asked for, but I am just slightly worried. Any advice if this can work out, then please let me know.

 
Old 06-28-2011, 12:42 PM   #2
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Wink Re: Confused.

lostinthesauce, give the therapy a little time to start to work. It's not an overnight thing. You have some question first that you need to answer in depth: why did you become a negative person? What changed in your life, and why did you take it out on your wife? Apparently you love her and don't want to lose her. Then why did you behave in an unloving way? It may be possible to save your marriage, (Time will tell) but I think you're going to have to SHOW your wife not merely tell her you've changed and love her deeply. All the very best, your friend Awlright

 
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Old 06-29-2011, 08:07 AM   #3
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foresaken1 HB User
Re: Confused.

Lostinthesauce: I agree w/ awlright...it is possible to save the marriage especially being that you are in therapy. But it won't be an overnight thing. What exactly has caused your negativity? Can you pinpoint anything specific? Did you say negative things to your wife personally directed at her? Without knowing what you have said or done it's hard to say if she is angry or if there is more.

 
Old 06-29-2011, 09:30 PM   #4
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Wink Re: Confused.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lostinthesauce View Post
hello Everyone.
I have been married for 3.5 years. About 1.5 years ago, I became a negative person that I am not and didn't treat my wife as good as I should have. She kicked me out about three weeks ago and I have been receiving therapy to improve all of my negative qualities that I hate. She hasn't filed for divorce but is saying that "She doesn't look at me the same." and "She values my friendship, but doesn't see us in a relationship ever again." She hasn't filed for divorce. She hasn't cheated on me and has no plans of dating anytime soon. Could it be the anger saying all these things and not really what she feels? I am going to give her the space and time that she asked for, but I am just slightly worried. Any advice if this can work out, then please let me know.
lostinthesauce, consider what your wife is saying. "I don't look at you in the same way." What is it that she has seen in you that you cannot see? When you can see yourself through her eyes you'll have come a long way in developing a self reflection that will help you know yourself. Indeed, it will make you a less defensive person. Changing a life style is not easy. In most cases it requires many years in therapy. Are you willing to invest that kind of money and time in yourself? Are you truly unhappy with who you are or do you just want to manipulate the situation to get back in the good graces of your wife? You've made a good start, now you need to sustain it. All the very best of luck. Awlright. :wave

 
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