Thinking of divorce... depressed
As everyone on here, there's more to all of this than I am able to write. I want to begin by saying that I have technically been married for about a year, but only recently married in church (less than 3 months ago). She is 28 and I am 30. Someone on here mentioned about how people will judge because her and I were not going out long. Yes, that is true, we have not been going out long. We met in late 2009, and at the time we were so unbelievably excited about each other. She was unlike any woman I met before, kind, caring, seemed to be hard working, loved family, kids, and down to earth. She was working as a nanny, and living in the US illegally (her VISA had expired). 5 months into our relationship I had suffered some medical setbacks(I'm fine now), and she was by my side every step of the way and always taking care of me, always there for me. Because of this, I wanted to move in with her, so we rented an apartment together, and were engaged 6 months into our relationship because I knew that I wanted to build a life together with her. I also wanted very much for her to remain in the United States and to get her a green card and employment authorization.
Things began to get sour after our civil union. There were so many arguements I can't count. I want to say I took the higher road on them, but who knows, it's difficult to judge a situation if you're not looking at it from an unbiased point of view.
I can't say we ever had a week in which we didn't have a big arguement that resulted in us going to bed angry and not talking to each other. Then we always resolve and say happy luvvy dubby things and it's fine again.
We started having a lot of arguements over our church marriage, planning, and everything. I basically gave into all her demands of what she wanted. I know some people will ask why I didn't end it then, but it is hard. It is hard to call off an enggement. You want it to work. You don't want to believe that it's over and that you would give up. You want to believe that after the stress of all that, you will be happy and argue less.
I thought that after the wedding things would calm down, but we still find reason to argue. It has me so sick in my stomach and so many days at work I sit at work missing how my life was before, just single without stress.
I have been with her almost two years now. We just got married and I often think to myself about seperating with her. I'm so alone and depressed about this.