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Old 07-17-2011, 10:17 PM   #1
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lonelyandhurt HB User
unhappy marriage for 23 years

Ive been in a unhappy marriage for 23 years and just now thinking, is this what I really want for the rest of my life?? I have given up on my own happiness and i dont even know who I am as a person anymore!! So I'm just saying I hope it can work and maybe with God and counseling you can work through it but if not dont be like me and waste so many years trying to please someone else onlt to be miserable.

 
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Old 07-18-2011, 10:59 AM   #2
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katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: Thinking of divorce... depressed

Lonely,

I did that also for 22yrs, and just a year ago decided I'd had it, enough was enough. It's been hard at times, very hard and I was concerned for my children, putting them through a divorce, as if putting them through a bickering loveless marriage wasn't enough....It's been the best decision I've ever made. By the fourth month of seperation my ex had moved in with his GF and now he's remarried, which in a way is great because he doesn't bug me! The only thing we have to confer about is our 12 yr old, who we have joint custody over, and when he's 18 the conferences STOP!

Honestly, life is way to short to do this to yourself! Pls. consider your options and make a change that will be better for you.

Sincerely,

Kat

 
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Old 07-18-2011, 11:13 AM   #3
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Re: Thinking of divorce... depressed

Thank you, I am so confused on what to do?? We have an OK marriage if you take sex, love and romance out of it. I feel like I am living with a room mate, and I really want to be loved and desired as a woman. It's not like we fight all the time, but I spoil him sexually and I get nothing in return, also if I dont initiate it nothing happens it's like he has no interest in me romanticly. I am not sure what to do.... I ponder the idea, what If Im alone for the rest of my life .... as I'm not getting any younger, also do I just want to throw away that many years, and then again the idea of do I want to split up cuz my grandkids know us togehter and I dont wanna hurt them..... and thats why I stayed as long as I have I didnt want to hurt my kids by divorcing... will I ever do whats right or best for me, or think about me first?

 
Old 07-18-2011, 01:04 PM   #4
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Re: unhappy marriage for 23 years

It sounds whats best for you is to be free. You will be surprised how kids bounce back and would rather see you happy. Be free. He is selfish. You sound very smart. You have a lot of life to live and while you still look good go find someone that makes you have butterflies. It's out there.

 
Old 07-23-2011, 12:10 PM   #5
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Re: unhappy marriage for 23 years

Thank you WalkingTall!!! I just wish that was a guarantee in life, it would make it so much easier!!! I',m just not happy cuz I'm looking for him to make me happy, and he's makes me so miserable and sad, cuz he's so miserable and selfish with himself but he doesn't see it. If I was alone I would only have myself to look to, for my own happiness, and not count on anyone but me, and I know I could feel so happy and free. It's just so hard to make that final step, cuz I'm thinking of all the people around me that it could hurt, and I really dont want to hurt anyone, I just want to be happy, and for once think of me. I almost feel like I'm trapped in this world where I have to live for everyone else.

 
Old 07-24-2011, 08:16 PM   #6
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Re: unhappy marriage for 23 years

Dear lonelyandhurt,
I feel your pain. If you have tried everyting you can then start the proceedings. If that doesn't jump start him to getting it right in a hurry then you are on your way. I say this because my wife has been with me for 25 years. I love her and would do anything for her but I fear it is too late. She has started the proceedings and I profess that I have changed and want her as the priority in my life not my career. Can I ever get her to trust in me again? How can I prove that things will be different? Is there anything I can do now or is it too late? I truely hope that things will work out for you.

 
Old 07-24-2011, 09:56 PM   #7
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Re: unhappy marriage for 23 years

You can always keep your children and your grandchildren as close as you like, and without the duties that go with an un-appreciated wife, you will likely have more time and energy to devote to the kids after all.

We have to learn to put others first, and we can equally learn how to put ourselves first. To live your entire life never knowing what the second one is like, is a great loss.

Who knows, when you husband realizes what life may be like without you, he may kick it back into gear and start trying again. I encourage you to express your feelings, and start taking some action to either force a reaction or give you the answer you need.

 
Old 07-24-2011, 10:02 PM   #8
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Re: unhappy marriage for 23 years

Just my 2 cents really. My ex husband and I were married for 23 years, high school sweethearts as they say. I have Bi Polar Disorder and a few other serious medical issues. I always thought my hubby was in it for the long haul, but over the last 5 or so years as things got harder with my help, he grew more distant and cold....

I left my husband on August 15 or 2008 and it was the absolute best thing I could have ever done for myself. Yes there were very hard times and I had to work very hard to make it through. But I now have my own little house, a knew job and plenty of free time to spend just on me! I don't have to consult with anyone else s schedule, hear snide remarks about my illnesses, go home at the end of the day to countless arguments, face his drunken cruelty, etc.

I also don't have to cook and clean or pick up after anyone but myself! Well and my 12 yr old when it's my turn to have him. (we have joint custody) My ex is remarried to the girlfriend that he moved in with just 4 months after our separation. I am reveling in the fact that my home is completely my own and I can do anything I want! Cook dinner when I want, wash laundry when I want, do dishes when I want....everything on my schedule.

I am truly happier than I have bee in a very long time and I enjoy that immensely.

I wish you well and hope the decisions about your future come easily to you.

Kat

 
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