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Old 09-16-2011, 01:03 PM   #1
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Question Should it still hurt this bad?

I married young, graduated high school and married at 18. Things were great for 4 years and then my husband slept with my best friend. I was confused and scared. I found out from my best friend and then from him. He sent her a text a few weeks later and asked her if he left me if she would be with him, her first response was to ignore him and then a few weeks later she called me and confessed. I remember the way I felt when I got that phonecall. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, I broke down and cried, A LOT. He said he didn't want to talk about it that we should just forget it because it didn't mean anything. I dealt with him and continued in the marriage until august of 2010. I moved out and took our 4 year old daughter. I virtually moved next door so that he could still see our little girl. I filed for legal separation in August 2010 and told him I wouldn't move far away so he could still be a part of our daughter's life. about a month later he up and moved in the middle of the night to a town 45 minutes away. No warning, No reason except that he didn't want to stay around. I went to our house to get my daughter's winter outfit for pictures and all of his things were gone, that's how I found out. He took all of his things and a lot of mine. Time went by and he started seeing someone and so did I. In March of 2011 he suddenly without warning stopped paying child support. I was working a part time minimum wage job and he makes $2000 every two weeks. He just stopped, no reason, his excuse was that he didn't get to see our daughter so he wasn't paying anymore. His job takes him out of town all but 12 days out of the month, and during those 12 days he had taken up drinking, and partying. So naturally when someone calls you drunk to come pick up your child your first response will be NO. I then filed for divorce and so did he. He told his whole family that I was a bad mother, that I had no business being a parent and he called DHR on me. So after all of this, DHR came to my house and commended me for having such a nice, clean, healthy environment for my child. We filed bankruptcy in 2008 together, my vehicle was included in that and so was his. he totalled his car and bought himself another vehicle. My vehicle got repoed. I now do not have a vehicle. I called him because our daughter was very sick and in the hospital and his girlfriend answered the phone and said he was busy and she would have him call back, that phonecall never came. He didn't contact our daughter at all for 8 months. Hasn't paid a dime in child support for 6 months. This whole time since we have been separated I have been with the same man, who moved in with me and my daughter and has helped with the bills and the attorneys fees and has been a wonderful role model for my little girl. My soon-to-be ex-husband has been with 6 women, back to back, telling them all that he loves them, and has been taking care of one of them's children. He got her a cellphone and her daughter too, he cut my cellphone off. He takes her and her kids to recreational parks, takes them to dinner, and buys all 3 of them extravagant gifts, and has recently taken a vacation with her and her children as well. It hurts me alot to know that he has the money to do all of these things for her (and she flaunts it on her facebook all of the time) and he cannot afford to help support a child that he claims is his whole world. I am now struggling with thoughts of doubt about myself. was i not a good enough wife? did i do something wrong? I feel confused and angry. Sometimes it still makes me cry because i loved him so much. and even though I love the man I am with now a part of me still loves my ex. It hurts, I see him come home with a big paycheck and go and party and have a good time and blow money while I work 2 jobs and take care of my daughter. My boyfriend works 6 days a week and loves and takes care of my daughter like she is his own, I am blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life. My ex got served with papers last week from my attorney stating that he was ordered to pay $1000 a month in alimony and $500 a month in child support. Two days ago he called me and said he wanted to sign over his parents rights to our daughter. Why does this hurt so much? will it ever stop? will i ever stop loving my ex husband? why does it hurt to see him with other women? Please any advice or explanation would be appreciated greatly.

 
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Old 09-16-2011, 01:28 PM   #2
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Re: Should it still hurt this bad?

I think there is just something special about a first love. You sound like a smart, sensitive young lady who has moved on, is working hard, has a loving boyfriend, and my advice is that whenever you think of your loser ex, thank your lucky stars, hug your boyfriend and little girl tight, and realize that your ex is an immature jerk and you are so much better off without him. He did you a favor.

Blessings, Sue

 
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Old 10-04-2011, 01:10 PM   #3
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Re: Should it still hurt this bad?

You don't want someone like that around you daughter. My ex husband wanted to give up his rights and I wouldn't let him. Now I wish I did. He doesn't care about them. The only reason why he gets them is because of his mom. Your daughter will be fine.

 
Old 12-07-2011, 09:01 PM   #4
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Re: Should it still hurt this bad?

I know what you are going through girl... my ex was caught in bed with my sister (by me of course). They both jumped up saying "it wasnt what I thought it was". We had been married 19 years and THAT nearly killed me. But you know what they say about carma... it will bite him in his *** one day... just hope you are there to see it. BUT needless to say, he can sign away his parental rights... BUT not the alimony.. lol. I laugh every time I go to the bank. He can walk away from his kids all he wants, but he cant get out of alimony unless you get remarried. I look at it this way, the kids will be better off not having a father around like him anyway.

It has taken me 6 years to get over my ex I thought we would be together for life, until he showed his true colors. I not only lost a husband, I lost my sister (my best friend, I thought). Believe me darlin, it will get better, get out and have some fun... dont you dare let him know it is bothering you at all, because then he has you right where he wants you (alone and miserable). You are a better woman than that and I can tell you are a strong woman also.

SO... get off your pity pot and start living again, you'll be better off for it. And dont think you wont find some bums along the way, because you will... BUT the right man for you is just around the corner. You'll find him when you least expect to.

Good luck and God bless
The bible says "God never gives you more than you can handle"

Anita N 53

 
Old 12-07-2011, 09:03 PM   #5
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Re: Should it still hurt this bad?

I know what you are going through girl... my ex was caught in bed with my sister (by me of course). They both jumped up saying "it wasnt what I thought it was". We had been married 19 years and THAT nearly killed me. But you know what they say about carma... it will bite him in his *** one day... just hope you are there to see it. BUT needless to say, he can sign away his parental rights... BUT not the alimony.. lol. I laugh every time I go to the bank. He can walk away from his kids all he wants, but he cant get out of alimony unless you get remarried. I look at it this way, the kids will be better off not having a father around like him anyway.

It has taken me 6 years to get over my ex I thought we would be together for life, until he showed his true colors. I not only lost a husband, I lost my sister (my best friend, I thought). Believe me darlin, it will get better, get out and have some fun... dont you dare let him know it is bothering you at all, because then he has you right where he wants you (alone and miserable). You are a better woman than that and I can tell you are a strong woman also.

SO... get off your pity pot and start living again, you'll be better off for it. And dont think you wont find some bums along the way, because you will... BUT the right man for you is just around the corner. You'll find him when you least expect to. You MAY have already found him... who knows?

Good luck and God bless AND MAY THE ANGELS ALWAYS WATCH OUT FOR YOU AND YOURS...
The bible says "God never gives you more than you can handle"

Anita N 53

 
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cheating, child support, divorce, ex husband, hurt



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