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-   -   How do I get the courage to leave my husband? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/divorce-separation/875703-how-do-i-get-courage-leave-my-husband.html)

sunshine123 10-29-2011 12:23 AM

How do I get the courage to leave my husband?
 
I've been married for almost 30 years, but am thinking about leaving my husband. I feel more alone being married to him than I was when single. He ignores me a lot, sleeps in the other room, never cuddles with me or is interested in having sex. When I try to talk to him about his low libido, he says that his Testosterone level is low. But, he hasn't told the Dr. about his problem b/c he's selfish and stubborn. He knows there are RX drugs for him to try. I'm tired of feeling like a roommate. It's funny how my guy friends think I'm beautiful, but I guess He doesn't see me that way. i don't have any family to give me moral support or a place to stay til I cold get back on my feet. Any advice would be welcomed. Thank you in advance.

JanaJ 10-29-2011 03:09 AM

Re: How do I get the courage to leave my husband?
 
It's difficult without knowing your circumstances. Do you have a job? Do you have money of your own? If no to either of these then you have to start saving and you need to have a job.

If yes, it's a bit easier. First get some support from your friends. Find yourself a place to live, then tell him, then go. If your mind is made up and you're sure, don't waste time discussing things with him, because that'll be upsetting.

What you've got with him isn't what you want, so leaving can only be better. It's fun having things how you want them in your new place, not having to consider anyone else, and living your life how you want to.

Good luck and stay strong.

microwave 10-29-2011 11:16 PM

Re: How do I get the courage to leave my husband?
 
You have two separate issues. Having low testerone and having difficulty with sex is one thing. But ignoring you and not cuddling with you? That's entirely different. Not being able to have sex may be medical but not wanting to cuddle with his wife is emotional. It sounds like he has emotionally checked out of the marriage. But, it may be due to his difficulties in the bedroom; he's too embarrassed to touch you at all for fear of it leading to something he can't finish.

OPHA4128 10-30-2011 05:59 AM

Re: How do I get the courage to leave my husband?
 
Have you talked to him about how you feel emotionally? Is he still interested in being married to you? If you are ready to leave and are having difficulty, you might try to find a support group for single woman and/or divorcees who would have able to offer local support. You could also go see a counselor. If you think there is hope saving your marriage, I would talk to him and see if you two could go see a marriage counselor. I guess it just depends on what point you are at. Sorry to hear about your pain. I hear it will get better. ;)

Lahayle55 11-07-2011 04:59 AM

Re: How do I get the courage to leave my husband?
 
[QUOTE=sunshine123;4870052]I've been married for almost 30 years, but am thinking about leaving my husband. I feel more alone being married to him than I was when single. He ignores me a lot, sleeps in the other room, never cuddles with me or is interested in having sex. When I try to talk to him about his low libido, he says that his Testosterone level is low. But, he hasn't told the Dr. about his problem b/c he's selfish and stubborn. He knows there are RX drugs for him to try. I'm tired of feeling like a roommate. It's funny how my guy friends think I'm beautiful, but I guess He doesn't see me that way. i don't have any family to give me moral support or a place to stay til I cold get back on my feet. Any advice would be welcomed. Thank you in advance.[/QUOTE]


I am going to be straight forward about this...Has he ever left you feeling guilty, stupid, more controlling? I can understand your loneliness (been in your shoes) Except mine went to Doctor and got Rx. Yet, he didn't use it for me. We were also sleeping in different rooms and when I began going anywhere with my friends he would follow me. I researched things he was doing and found out he was having an affair.

To answer your question.. where do you go?? To the nearest Domestic Violence Shelter..even if you don't feel as though you are being abused.
Get your head on straight while there... Let me know how things are going..


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