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Divorce & Separation Message Board
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Old 10-31-2011, 11:10 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Oklahoma City, Ok
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untsooner HB User
Seeking advice on what to do

I know that I am going to sound like a jerk that doesn't deserve to be happy, but....here is my situation. I was married for 19 years to my hs sweetheart and we have two girls, 15 and 11 who mean the world to me. I grew unhappy and didn't feel loved by my wife and I had an affair with a woman from work that went on for almost a year. I fell in love with this woman and realized I could be happy so I left my wife and asked for divorce (this was in May). Here it is October and we are still not divorced. I miss my wife and kids terribly and at times wish desperately to go back home. I am currently still in a relationship with the other woman. My wife and I have recently talked about possibly slavaging our relationship but she inisists I leave the other woman and live on my own for awhile, and then she will see if she wants me back. I would give up the other relationship if I could put things back and move on as a family, but I am scared to be alone and I am afraid to break another heart with the woman I am with now. I know I am asking for it, but any advice? How do I know what I want and how do I know what is right? Being with the other woman would also mean moving 4 hours away from my kids who I currently see every other weekend and wed evenings and would cut into my time with them. I'm scared to death.

 
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belle005059 (11-13-2011)
Old 11-13-2011, 11:23 PM   #2
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Wink Re: Seeking advice on what to do

Hi Untsooner..

Having been a person on the receiving end of my husband cheating with another woman, my sympathy goes to your wife.. and your children as well..

So I think for their sake you should think seriously what's the best for them;

I believe that other woman is just a person you went to cos you were scared of being on your own;

If you tell her gently it's over , you really want to make a go of it with your children , you love and miss them.. and want to move closer to them..

Thank her for being there for you when u needed someone... but it has to be over .. one of the hardest things you ever had to do in your life..

Maybe you could tell your wife you'd deal with your problem the right way,
by moving to a closer place where you can see your children more often..

and you could try & Re - Romance your wife.. ??

Do all the things you know she used to like when you were dating..
and see if you can rekindle the spark that you've lost..

That way you can say you did all you could to save your marriage..
If it doesn't work .. so be it.. Move On..

I tried that with my husband
but he was too far gone with the other woman..

My children were all grown up when it happened
so they're not affected quite the same way as yours .. one lives overseas ..

but it was still a shock for me.

I wish you luck in your endevour,

It's going to be interesting to see how it goes..

All the Best.. belle.x

 
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Old 11-15-2011, 02:29 AM   #3
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belle005059 HB Userbelle005059 HB User
Smile Re: Seeking advice on what to do

Hi there Untsooner
I've been wondering how your'e feeling today.. Miserable I suppose.. ?

You're in such a situation, you won't know which way to turn !

Give yourself time to think about what decision you're going to make..

Are your children more important in your life ( sounds like they are )

Do you think it's at all possible to make up with your wife..

where she can forgive you and love you once again?
I hope she will..

Do you think you can leave the other woman in a good way, if possible.?.. .

Of course both of you will both be heartbroken it has to end this way..

But think about your children , ......

who you love so much.. if you don't see them hardly..----

They will miss you and in the end might learn to to hate you for what's happened.. They will blame you..

But they will LOVE YOU if their Mum and Dad get back together !!!

Just THINK how they would react !!!

How HAPPY they would be.. to have you back in their lives again !!!

So make your choice which way it's going to go.. and be happy YOURSELF ... with your Decision..

I'll be thinking about you and Your family..

Good Luck .. Belle.. xx

 
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