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Divorce & Separation Message Board
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Old 11-29-2011, 01:05 PM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Iraq
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HeartBrokenInIQ HB User
My wife filed for divorce - How to make things better

My wife told me couple of days back that she has filed for divorce. We have been married for 8 years and have a 4 year old son.

I had been chatting on internet and cyber porn for year, even before marriage. For the first 4 years of our marriage, I didn't do such things but then after 4 years we moved to a new country with a newly born baby. My wife got busy with him and I got busy with my new job that was extremely stressful. Somehow during that time I started internet chatting again and one night she caught me watching porn. She left me taking our son away. I felt guilty of crime and stopped it immediately.

After months and months of persuasion we agreed on building the relationship again. But she never moved back in with me. I continued living abroad and she lived in my hometown at her own place. We stayed together as husband and wife whenever I visited back every 2-3 months. During this time after a break of a year or so, I started the internet thing again. I know now that I was a fool to do that.

I also tried bringing her back into my place but she refused for various reasons including the security situation of the place. This August I moved to a new and much safer country after discussing with her that we should move together. She came for a week or so and left as she had already started a job in a different country. She left our son with me of whom I am currently taking care of.

This weekend she suddenly messaged me that our relationship is over and that she has filed for divorce. She stated my cheating as the reason for divorce. She even tried taking pills and had to be taken to the hospital. I just could not believe that this is happening. I know I was a fool to take it forgranted. I know I should have never betrayed her again after what had happened, but I did. The irony is that I stopped all of that internet thing a year or so ago. I am not doing any such thing now, but it seems that she got hold of something that I did in past and just couldn't take it anymore. I don't blame her for this.

I know that this marriage is over, but I still want to save it. I love her more than anything else in the world. I can't believe that this thing has came back to haunt me after I stopped doing it. I am willing to do anything she will ask for if she will take the divorce application back. But I know it is unlikely now. I just dont know how to handle it now. I know I messed it up badly, and I know that I was wrong in doing what ever I did. But then what is done is done. I can't turn it back. And I know the simple answer now would be to reap what I have sown, but this is my last hope to get some workable advice here.

Even if it is remotely possible, I'll give it all my heart trying. I do sincerely love her and don't think will be able to survive this divorce (I know many had felt like this before). I also worry alot about her and our son. In our religion there is no turning back after divorce and I also fear that if she'll feel to forgive me after sometime it would not be possible. I have asked her to delay this breakup for sometime but her answer is in negative. I also worry about our son not getting love and care of both parents and I know I should have thought about it earlier. I was a fool to get involve in any of that nonsense.

Is there a chance that I could make her change her mind even if for few months hoping that by then her temper would have cooled down a little and I'll make her listen to me at least.

In desperate need of help.

 
The following user gives a hug of support to HeartBrokenInIQ:
belle005059 (12-01-2011)
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Old 12-01-2011, 03:09 AM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: New Zealand.
Posts: 37
belle005059 HB Userbelle005059 HB User
Smile Re: My wife filed for divorce - How to make things better

Hi Heartbroken ..

I can tell by what you say you are very genuine about
wanting her to halt the Divorce.. I gave u a big HUG..

You sound like you realise what you've done
and would do ANYTHING to make her change her decision..

but I guess she's probably thinking of your little child..
and she has had a long time to decide about the situation..

( it must've been bad for her that she took some pills..)

If she won't try to see you are willing to do ANYTHING to save your marriage and still goes ahead with her decision ..

all I can say is get some really good counselling for your self..

You need to learn to forgive yourself.. ( many people make mistakes )

and learn why you were tempted to cheat on the internet ..
( That's obvious anyway)

Turn it around so you don't do that in your next relationship..

(I know at the moment you don't think there will be another .. but it will happen in time.. )

Stressful Work didn't help you either, so learn from that as well, pace yourself..

remember ... We all make mistakes.. some are worse than others..

But this is a BIG Learning Curve for you..

Learn from it .. and one day, when it's all blown over .. Smile !!

and you'll find yourself ready to begin again..

Don't forget your little child though..

Their love is precious .. so I hope you keep in touch with him.. ??

I'm sure she would want him to still have his father around anyway..

So Be Happy.. Live well and Love well...

I wish you all the Luck in the World, Heartbroken,
and hope it turns out the way you want it..

I'll be thinking of you and your Wife at this time..

Love n Hugs to u both.. ..

belle0050 x

 
Old 12-01-2011, 03:07 PM   #3
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Iraq
Posts: 3
HeartBrokenInIQ HB User
Re: My wife filed for divorce - How to make things better

Thanks Belle005059. I hope things will work out some how miraculously. If it will, you have just received a message from the luckiest person in the da world. If it won't, I have only myself to blame.

Thanks for your kind words.

 
Old 12-01-2011, 10:00 PM   #4
Registered User
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: New Zealand.
Posts: 37
belle005059 HB Userbelle005059 HB User
Re: My wife filed for divorce - How to make things better


I really do hope she will give you another chance....
I really do..

but if not , put it down to lifes experience and start again..
You'll know what to do..

I wish you all the best..
belle xx

 
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