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Old 01-23-2012, 02:15 PM   #1
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Lostmom123 HB User
Years of drinking and abuse... and still around? Why?

I have never done this before but I am so lost and really need advice. What follows is my best to sum up a 10 yr marriage. I married 10 years ago and have 2 children. I made a mistake early in the relationship and lied about someone from my past. I did so because I didn't think it mattered. That lie got me 10 years of physical and emotional abuse, drinking and infidelity. I have been slapped, kicked and pushed around by a man who said he loved me. He even pushed me down while pregnant. Slapped me while holding a newborn. I have lost jobs because of his jealousy. I have lost relationships with friends and family members. I have been a stay at home mom since 2003 because having a job causes too much stress. He is very controlling and jealous. In 2009 he physically came after me accusing me of cheating, which I was not and never have. He was removed from the home that night. I divorced him in 2010. 2011 I was informed of his infidelity during our marriage (3 different women). He is currently back at home for the 2nd time since our divorce. I am not happy. I believe he has a drinking problem (drinks 7-10 beer a night) and refuses counseling. He has a sexual addiction (requires it daily, or watches porn daily). I have been to counseling but he refuses to go. Because of the years of abuse and drinking I don't want to be close to him, don't trust him and he doesnt understand why. He says he will not go to counseling and I just need to accept him the way he is. I feel I need to just move on with my life but am so scared!

 
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:29 PM   #2
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rileymo HB User
Re: Years of drinking and abuse... and still around? Why?

Lost mom, your story makes me so sad. Do you still have guilt about not disclosing more about the prior relationship? We all have pasts, why was this one so bothersome to him?

No matter the issue, no one deserves what you've gone through. No one--and this includes you. Have you ever asked yourself what you deserve? Do you really feel that anything you've done makes his abuse justified? It's not so.

Please first look into support in your community. With someone like this it can be even harder to leave. He is clearly unstable and I understand your fear about leaving. But you need to get on w/ your life. You do deserve happiness and you can find it--you just have to take the first step.

Hang in there, Lostmom.

 
Old 02-25-2012, 09:12 AM   #3
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BelleoftheSouth HB UserBelleoftheSouth HB UserBelleoftheSouth HB UserBelleoftheSouth HB UserBelleoftheSouth HB UserBelleoftheSouth HB UserBelleoftheSouth HB User
Re: Years of drinking and abuse... and still around? Why?

(((Lost)))

Please don't stay until its too late..your children need you and you don't want them to grow up thinking hitting others is okay because its not.

No matter what you said or lied about 10 years ago HE has no right to lay a hand on you..next time he hits you call the police and get a restraining order.

I feel so bad for you.

(((Hugs again)))

~Belle~

 
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