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Divorce & Separation Message Board
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Old 05-25-2012, 07:46 PM   #1
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Layton, Utah, USA
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heartbrokeat48 HB User
Need Info to Protect My Rights

My husband of 27 years told me he is tired of trying and wants a divorce. We've struggled since early in our marriage and been to counseling several times. He had an affair in the past that I forgave him for about 6 years ago. I love my husband and this course of action is not my choice. I'm devastated and numb right now. He wants to complete the divorce process ourselves to save money. He is not vindictive. He wants to be friends. I'm having a hard time with that right now - maybe someday. He wants to stay in the house and do this over the summer (we're both teachers). I'm not sure I can handle him being here - it just hurts. We have 4 children living at home - two of which are still underage. The oldest are in college. I don't mind doing the paperwork and making the decisions - but I want to go into this with my eyes open. Knowledge is power. He's had time to think about this (he's been thinking about this for months apparently) - He just told me last weekend. I'm looking for any advice and information on what my rights are and what I should ask for to protect myself and my children. He says he wants us to stay in the house - but I'm not sure I can afford to and with today's home values, we can't sell it and get a clear title. I have a large student loan accumulated that will begin repayment in a year - money I never intended to use, but which we ended up living on as he was only working part time until just last August. Please help me with your guidance... Thank-you.

 
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Old 06-03-2012, 07:59 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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virtuallyemily HB User
Re: Need Info to Protect My Rights

My friend (this was two years ago when she was 25) did the paper work themselves but they didn't have much assets or debt and no children so I would be very cautious moving forward and if the terms are not equitable not to sign anything and get a lawyer. Have you checked the local library or amazon for guide books on do it yourself divorce? That might be worth it.

Overall though I would a)make sure that the children are provided for (make sure he is willing to make adequate child care payments if you are going to be the primary custodial parent). I think student loans might stay with the holder of the loan but since they were used by both of you he might should pay it (out of his share of the split) - that's something to ponder and discuss.

If he was working part time while you were just going to school I would say it's yours but if you were both working and the money was payed for living expenses rather then school itself I would split it.

The house can be a sticky situation and I honestly don't know if he's entitled to anything if they kids will be staying there with you (one hopes he will eventually move out). I would consult a help guide on that but since you can't sell it I don't know how else you would split it.

I would try and keep it civil and friendly whatever your feelings since you need to work together to equitably distribute your finances if you are going to do things yourself. Also for the kids. You do not have to be his friend however, you are right it is too soon to make that transition.

This is as politic as I could make it: If he is descent he should respect that you are "friends" in that you care about each other and have shared interests (the kids) and will always be a part of each other's lives in some way but you should have different support systems as you start your new chapters.

Honestly him living there is kinda crappy but it seems you are kind of in financial straits and want to maintain the peace so I don't know what to say other then I think it's understandable to kick him out but also understandable to let him stay a while to keep the peace etc. I hope you make the best decision for you.

 
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