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Old 06-19-2012, 12:15 AM   #1
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Should I stay just for my child? I am completely lost :(

I was having a discussion with a friend about the fact that my husband has a mental illness and that there is not much hope for him to be getting better (I see tiny baby steps of change every few months, but nothing major at all).
After I said that, my friend asked me, then what makes you stay in your marriage if you dont see him getting better at all? And I said, and I could not believe that I was saying it, I said that I thought that it was my child. I almost choked on my words because I always tell people that I think that that is a terrible reason to stay in a marriage, but I am doing just that.
There is nothing really wrong with my marriage, but there is nothing inherently good either. I dont get much from my husband in terms of the emotional side of marriage. He hardly talks to me, he never compliments me or tells me that he loves me (only if and when I say it first and sometimes when we are in bed together), he always has negative things to say, but never positive. He has never abused me in any way, but I still dont see why I am staying other than my husband is a great father, most of the time.
Is that really reason enough? Should I go through life being mostly miserable with my marriage and the man who is my husband just so that my daughter will always have her father nearby? I dont know if its worth it.
This tares me apart, so badly.
I am really lost

 
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Old 06-25-2012, 08:26 PM   #2
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Re: Should I stay just for my child? I am completely lost :(

I recently started marriage counseling with my husband after he told me: I'm only in this marriage for the kid. This after I got on his case for some stuff he did that I disagreed with. He later said he didn't mean it- but it made me realize our marriage was in trouble. Now to your question: Is it ok to stay in a marriage just for the kid? I don't know. My aunt and uncle did- but she cheated on him for many years. Now they get along great as the kids are all grown up. That's not how I want to do things. I am hoping counseling will help us get on the right track. My child would be devastated without his daddy around. I am a child of divorce, and honestly- my parents staying together for our sake would have been just fine with me. The trauma of their breakup has affected my life- but maybe it was just due to the way things were handled. My husband also has mental illness- and for years I put a lot of stuff on myself- thinking it was me. Just realizing finally - its not all me- his problems are very straining and cause me a lot of anxiety. This is a problem I cannot handle alone anymore.

My husband is on medication- and takes it religously. Is yours taking any? Mine does well usually on meds, but still has his cycles of difficulty from time to time.
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Old 06-26-2012, 06:29 AM   #3
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Re: Should I stay just for my child? I am completely lost :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by mehappy View Post
There is nothing really wrong with my marriage, but there is nothing inherently good either. I dont get much from my husband in terms of the emotional side of marriage. He hardly talks to me, he never compliments me or tells me that he loves me (only if and when I say it first and sometimes when we are in bed together), he always has negative things to say, but never positive.(
by staying in this marriage you are teaching your daughter that it's ok to settle.....you're teaching your daughter that this is how husbands treat their wives and it's perfectly acceptable.
Are you sure that's what you want to teach her? Do you want her to grow up thinking this is how it is and end up with a guy just like her dad?
I'd say it's best to move on for everyones sake.

 
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