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Old 07-07-2012, 08:51 PM   #1
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need advice - am i crazy?

Have been married for 20 yrs. Want to divorce my controlling and critical husband...a little back ground...I cannot talk to anyone of the opposite sex without being accused for starring down and flirting with other men. I discovered that he tested my underwear for semen and just a host of other accusations over the years....

I have been accused of sleeping with his brother...suppposedly his brother bragged to him about sleeping with a married woman in the woman's bedroom..and he accused me of being that woman. He took back my wedding rings yrs ago because I was taking them off when i supposedly met with my boyfriend. I have always taken on/off my rings....I have fingers that swell alot and they get uncomfortable when my fingers swell....but to him this was crap.

he has gone thru my cell phone copying down numbers he did not recognize..and calling them...He has accused me that it was my man calling and hanging up on him on the house phone. Accused me of stealing his 401k money....and just so many other things....These were all wrong numbers and other hangups.

I have never been unfaithful to this man.

Why am i still here...I now 'live' on one floor and he on the other...he lost his job a few yrs ago and i was not working. He started his own business after not being able to secure another job....and there are no savings left... it was used to purchase the business.

I am taking care of most of the household bills.i was able to get employment 2 yrs ago..but the house is large and expensive to run...

He loves our children and is very involved with all their outside activities...I do not want to deny him access to them...i would like joint custody...

I want us to work this out without litigation, since it would be cheaper for both of us but everything I come up with, he thinks it is unfair. He wants me to pay him back for the years i was not contributing to the household financially...I stayed at home for 8yrs. he wants 6 figures lump sum + the house....and will not budge...he says he has no money left to pay a lawyer...but there is no compromisng with him..he thinks that i should agree to his demands since his is more equitable..and he should pick the lawyer to mediate and I pay the fee. I am willing to walk away from the house...but he probably will not be able to refinance to get my name off the loan....since gets no income from the business...

by the way this will be his second divorce...and my first.

Advice from anyone on how to proceed? Am i being "played"?

 
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Old 07-07-2012, 09:03 PM   #2
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Re: need advice - am i crazy?

Forget "no litigation", get yourself a lawyer! It sounds like this man would be impossible to deal with on your own. Make sure you know your rights and be prepared to assert them. Good luck, Sera

 
Old 07-08-2012, 06:07 PM   #3
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Re: need advice - am i crazy?

Thnk you for your advice. I keep questioning myself if I am the one that is being unreasonable.....I really have no one to talk to about this...and welcome the feedback.
Thanks

 
Old 08-01-2012, 06:47 AM   #4
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Re: need advice - am i crazy?

You are NOT being unreasonable. And I agree with Sera. You need to get yourself a good lawyer because dealing with this guy alone is going to take a huge toll on you. This guy sounds like he's really convinced you've cheated when you never have. I don't think anything is going to change his mind except for himself.

 
Old 08-06-2012, 07:00 PM   #5
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Re: need advice - am i crazy?

thanks alot for your comments. I've secured a lawyer. He is suppose to get served this week. Please pray for me....Not sure what his reaction will be and what life will be like these next few months. It will not be easy. Hope will be able to get thru this. thanks.

 
Old 08-06-2012, 08:41 PM   #6
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Re: need advice - am i crazy?

My thoughts are with you. Do not hesitate to protect yourself at all times. Have you got a brother, relative or anybody who can go with you when you have to see him? Stay strong, Sera

 
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