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Old 10-10-2012, 09:10 PM   #1
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what can I do

I want to be honest. I have been with my husband for 13 years. 5 years ago I was working as a hostess and this really super hot guy would always hit on me. DUring a halloween party I got drunk and had sex with him in his car. he never talked to me again. I felt guilty and told my husband what I did and begged for him to forgive me. He left for a couple of days but came back and forgive me. We have an 11 and an 8 year old and we knew we could make it work for them.

The problem is that about six months later he hit me and hit me hard. I left for a night but I came back the next day. he promised me that he would never do it again and that it was all just anger from the cheating but the hitting continued. He broke my eye socket six months ago and i finally left. I moved my kids in with my uncle and we all share a room. Social services has been good to us but I didn't turn him in. Today I got served papers that are asking for divorce and he is saying he wants full custody of the kids. he says I'm a pot head and that I cheated which is crazy because he does cocaine and is a violent abusive man. Can I file a restraining order on him now? He has a lawyer and I don't so I'm scared. what can I do? I know what I did was bad and i was willing to work with him on his anger but he just wouldn't stop. i think he even already has a new girlfriend.

What can i do? I'm lost and sad.

 
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Old 10-12-2012, 09:48 PM   #2
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Re: what can I do

Hi there......sorry for all that you are having to endure.

Firstoff, when he hit you, did you seek out any medical attention either through a doctor or Emergency Room??

Or file a police report???

It certainly would help if you had some type of paper trail showing that he had caused you physical harm and why you had to leave him.

Do you have any pictures from the injury or at least a witness to having seen the physical damage that you had sustained???

Who did you stay with when you left??? Did they see your injuries and be a reliable source as far as documenting that they saw the results of his beating you???

I guess if worse comes to worse you do have your uncle to attest to what happened.

It would take alot for a court to award a father full-custody.....he would have to prove you to be an unfit mother and it doesn't sound like the case.

I would seek out some legal counsel alot of lawyers will offer a free consultation and that may give you an idea of what would be in your best interest in terms of getting what you deserve in this divorce and also alleviating any fears you may have in terms of maintaining custody of your kids.

Has your husband had any contact with the kids since you left??? Or provided any support???

I would document how often he has seen them or interacted with them since you moved in with your Uncle.

All this will be important when having to go to court regarding the kids.

I wish you the best and good for you for leaving an abusive situation and finding safety for yourself and your kids.

(((((HUGS)))))) ~ Ivory

Last edited by Ivorygirl; 10-12-2012 at 09:53 PM.

 
Old 10-13-2012, 09:28 AM   #3
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Re: what can I do

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorygirl View Post
Hi there......sorry for all that you are having to endure.

Firstoff, when he hit you, did you seek out any medical attention either through a doctor or Emergency Room??

Or file a police report???

It certainly would help if you had some type of paper trail showing that he had caused you physical harm and why you had to leave him.

Do you have any pictures from the injury or at least a witness to having seen the physical damage that you had sustained???

Who did you stay with when you left??? Did they see your injuries and be a reliable source as far as documenting that they saw the results of his beating you???

I guess if worse comes to worse you do have your uncle to attest to what happened.

It would take alot for a court to award a father full-custody.....he would have to prove you to be an unfit mother and it doesn't sound like the case.

I would seek out some legal counsel alot of lawyers will offer a free consultation and that may give you an idea of what would be in your best interest in terms of getting what you deserve in this divorce and also alleviating any fears you may have in terms of maintaining custody of your kids.

Has your husband had any contact with the kids since you left??? Or provided any support???

I would document how often he has seen them or interacted with them since you moved in with your Uncle.

All this will be important when having to go to court regarding the kids.

I wish you the best and good for you for leaving an abusive situation and finding safety for yourself and your kids.

(((((HUGS)))))) ~ Ivory
Thank you. I feel so foolish because i let all this happen. I never once called the cops on him. I did go to the hospital when he broke my eye socket so that could help right? I dont have insurance so i didnt pay for it. Will the hospital give me paperwork showing it happened and they took care of me even if I didnt pay for it?

I did make an appointment for a free consultation with a lawyer for necxt week and I found a victims support program that im meeting with on monday. I hope they can help me. He sees the kids when he wants and i let him. he hasnt paid me one nickle and I don't have two pennies to rub together. I am afraid that he could hurt me or the kids. I dont want him around any of us. I hope that things will get better soon. I think they can. I talked to a nice lady at the victims group who promised me that she could help. i feel like I can trust her. I need to do something to secure my kids and make sure they are good. I need to take care of them. I am so afraid.

 
Old 10-13-2012, 11:32 AM   #4
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Re: what can I do

Hey there......as far as getting the paperwork from the hospital, I would definitely call the hospital and ask for it.

They may bring up the fact that you still have an outstanding bill so you may have to deal with that but you need to explain that you have no insurance or means of paying and that you are presently in need of the documentation to prove legally that you sought treatment after being physically abused by your husband as part of your divorce proceedings.

If you were to have a lawyer do this it is going to cost you money for the time they put into getting paperwork that you can get.....so doing it yourself will save you expensive legal fees.

And this will definitely be vital to your being able to keep custody of your children as well as the final determination in court as to what you are legally entitled to in terms of a divorce settlement.

Have you sought out counseling for yourself since being abused by your husband??? If so, documentation of that will be important as well.

Any emails, texts or documentation between you and your husband that could be used to show he had abused you is vital as well as any photographs that you may have that show the physical damage you incurred when he hit you.

As far as money he hasn't provided to you and the kids since you left, the courts will retroactively reimburse you whatever you are owed after they determine child custody and support and depending upon what state you live in, IF your husband has filed for divorce, he may have to pay your legal fees as well so it will be important for you to get good counsel so that you can get what you are legally entiltled to.

Sure you made some mistakes in your marriage but NO ONE deserves to be abused like you have been.

So collect whatever you can in terms of documentation to show why you needed to leave your husband for your safety as well as that of your children.

If at any time he harms or threatens you or your kids I would definitely file for a restraining order.....that's why having the paperwork from the hospital will be beneficial in terms of showing a history of his abuse. And make sure you get a police report next time....no matter what, keeping yourself and your kids safe is what is most important here.

Good luck with everything and please keep us posted with how things are going for you ~ Ivory

Last edited by Ivorygirl; 10-13-2012 at 11:36 AM.

 
Old 10-14-2012, 05:16 PM   #5
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Re: what can I do

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorygirl View Post
Hey there......as far as getting the paperwork from the hospital, I would definitely call the hospital and ask for it.

They may bring up the fact that you still have an outstanding bill so you may have to deal with that but you need to explain that you have no insurance or means of paying and that you are presently in need of the documentation to prove legally that you sought treatment after being physically abused by your husband as part of your divorce proceedings.

If you were to have a lawyer do this it is going to cost you money for the time they put into getting paperwork that you can get.....so doing it yourself will save you expensive legal fees.

And this will definitely be vital to your being able to keep custody of your children as well as the final determination in court as to what you are legally entitled to in terms of a divorce settlement.

Have you sought out counseling for yourself since being abused by your husband??? If so, documentation of that will be important as well.

Any emails, texts or documentation between you and your husband that could be used to show he had abused you is vital as well as any photographs that you may have that show the physical damage you incurred when he hit you.

As far as money he hasn't provided to you and the kids since you left, the courts will retroactively reimburse you whatever you are owed after they determine child custody and support and depending upon what state you live in, IF your husband has filed for divorce, he may have to pay your legal fees as well so it will be important for you to get good counsel so that you can get what you are legally entiltled to.

Sure you made some mistakes in your marriage but NO ONE deserves to be abused like you have been.

So collect whatever you can in terms of documentation to show why you needed to leave your husband for your safety as well as that of your children.

If at any time he harms or threatens you or your kids I would definitely file for a restraining order.....that's why having the paperwork from the hospital will be beneficial in terms of showing a history of his abuse. And make sure you get a police report next time....no matter what, keeping yourself and your kids safe is what is most important here.

Good luck with everything and please keep us posted with how things are going for you ~ Ivory
Thanks for all the advice ivorygirl. Just knowing that someone cares enough for a total stranger to take the time to respond like you have makes me more relaxed. I know I can do this but wish I had more support systems in place. Im going to work on that next.

Nobody deserves to go through what I have had to put up with and i bet im not alone. im going to start standing up for myself starting right now. i can do this even if im scarred.

 
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