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Old 10-17-2012, 06:09 AM   #16
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Re: so alone and so sad

Going back to a few comments you have made in earlier posts, I want to encourage and support your choice to go ahead and rant, to get it all out, to let it fly! There is something very theraputic about getting all your pent up emotions and feelings out of your mind and onto "paper".

That is something we all need to do at some point in our lives, and this is your time to do so. Once all these stressors start building up to breaking point, and beyond, something has to give. Either explode than implode, for sure. We all have our limits, and when we reach those limits, we have to relieve the pressure and make room for whatever is next. Failure to do so can lead you down some really dark passages (as you already know).

Just reestablishing a starting point is so helpful. Putting a period on the old, and a starting line on the new. It sounds as if you have already made great strides toward getting yourself back together, and kudo's for that.

While I do see how the combination of the events that lead to all this are quite suspicious, its what you do now that should make the difference in clearing your name and getting custody of your children back. The courts are very clear in their rules about parental rights, childrens rights and the rules that apply to both. We have finally learned that it is in the childs best interest to have both parents in our childrens lives, so short of being an unfit parent, you should be able to look forward to having your visitation re established as soon as possible. Meanwhile, just keep your nose clean, and keep your job, Deny any temptation to lash out at your ex, or ever try and OD on pills again.

While I know that these months of separation feel like a million years, it will come to an end soon enough. When that day comes, make sure you are cool calm and collected enough to show this is behind you, not still in your face, or that of your kids. Free yourself of any anger of resentment that is lying in wait. She will likely always be a trigger, as you sit right now. but a few more rants should clear your closets of all remaining skeletons. Use this time wisely, and your next phase of life can be clear and free to live in peace, with your children as big a part of it as possible.

I wish you and your family the very best, as you all need each other deep down inside.

Janet

 
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:52 PM   #17
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Re: so alone and so sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by writeleft View Post
Going back to a few comments you have made in earlier posts, I want to encourage and support your choice to go ahead and rant, to get it all out, to let it fly! There is something very theraputic about getting all your pent up emotions and feelings out of your mind and onto "paper".

That is something we all need to do at some point in our lives, and this is your time to do so. Once all these stressors start building up to breaking point, and beyond, something has to give. Either explode than implode, for sure. We all have our limits, and when we reach those limits, we have to relieve the pressure and make room for whatever is next. Failure to do so can lead you down some really dark passages (as you already know).

Just reestablishing a starting point is so helpful. Putting a period on the old, and a starting line on the new. It sounds as if you have already made great strides toward getting yourself back together, and kudo's for that.

While I do see how the combination of the events that lead to all this are quite suspicious, its what you do now that should make the difference in clearing your name and getting custody of your children back. The courts are very clear in their rules about parental rights, childrens rights and the rules that apply to both. We have finally learned that it is in the childs best interest to have both parents in our childrens lives, so short of being an unfit parent, you should be able to look forward to having your visitation re established as soon as possible. Meanwhile, just keep your nose clean, and keep your job, Deny any temptation to lash out at your ex, or ever try and OD on pills again.

While I know that these months of separation feel like a million years, it will come to an end soon enough. When that day comes, make sure you are cool calm and collected enough to show this is behind you, not still in your face, or that of your kids. Free yourself of any anger of resentment that is lying in wait. She will likely always be a trigger, as you sit right now. but a few more rants should clear your closets of all remaining skeletons. Use this time wisely, and your next phase of life can be clear and free to live in peace, with your children as big a part of it as possible.

I wish you and your family the very best, as you all need each other deep down inside.

Janet
Thank you for the reply. I can assure you that if I could tell my whole story…my entire story, you wouldn’t think it suspicious at all. Instead, I’m stuck with generalities and platitudes to fill in the blanks for the specifics that I’d like to write. Yesterday was a tough day…today was up and down…who knows what tomorrow will bring. I’m trying to be a good man, a good human being, but it hits me far too often that the type of person you are doesn’t even matter most of the time. Like I was recently told, innocent people get convicted of crimes every day. Good people have bad things happen to them every day.

I understand that I’ve looked for love my entire life and have never found it…never had it. As a kid, I was mostly alone, mostly left to take care of my siblings, and not loved in anyway. When I got with my wife I now realize that I was so desperate for someone to love me that I was willing to accept practically anything she would do. However, I tended to vent my frustration at issues when I shouldn’t or in inappropriate ways. I looked the other way so many times because I desperately wanted the love…I needed the love…love that I finally understand never was real. I’ve tried to be honest since all this has gone down. I’ve tried to do the right things…but from what I’ve read and seen over the last few days, I understand that I was never loved…never loved as a husband or a lover. I was just someone that she stayed with because she didn’t want to raise her kids alone and she didn’t want her kids to not have a father. Well, now she doesn’t care and even though she doesn’t even know ½ the story and the other ½ she does know isn’t even entirely right, she is going full bore in hurting me…saying things that are either exaggerated or flat out lies. I don’t blame her though. She is looking out for herself and her children. Most people would do that.

Me…I don’t know what to do most of the time. At this point I will reiterate my point that I give up. I concede that I have no control over the situation at hand. I cannot change my past…I cannot change some of the mistakes I’ve made. I cannot make someone listen to me. I have to do my best to live with the current repercussions my past mistakes have cost me and work for my future…whatever that may be. I do understand that it will be without the family that I loved and care for with all my heart and soul for a very long time…I have to accept that. I can accept that even though it hurts more than words can express. My future is up to me and I have to focus on it for me and me alone. At this point, I’m not I can’t and won’t try to change anybody’s mind or try to get them to see the truth. At this point, I’ll let fate be what it is and leave it at that.

And Janet,

As kind as your words are and as much as I appreciate them. I don't think my family needs me...yes, I know I need them, I always have...but they are going to do just fine without me. And it breaks my heart into a billion pieces to write that.

 
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Old 10-19-2012, 09:38 AM   #18
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Re: so alone and so sad

Dear Seven...

It hurts to see the words you have typed, as I can tell the great sense of pain and hurt you are experiencing. It is evident in your words. I am so very sorry.

Of course, I do not know the details of your story, but I take your words as the truth and without judgement. The mistakes you claim to have made are really hard to read, as they seem to be simply marks of human fraility. We have all done things we regret to keep a love interest, we have all done things that embarrass us. Without any details, I cannot imagine what you might have done to please a mate hat got you in trouble, but there must be a thousand things that would do it.

As far as your last comment, the most painful one to write, understandably...never forget the power of love though, it does work and it is purest in our childrens hearts.

My deepest concern and support for you...

Janet

 
Old 10-19-2012, 02:50 PM   #19
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Smile Re: so alone and so sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by hopelessromance View Post
What a crazy situation. I had to read it a couple of times to even understand what you are saying. So someone was stalking you guys and they stopped but you flipped out and kept it going? Is that what I'm reading? At least someone replies to what you write. I wrote something before you and opeople read it but no one has any advice to give me. I went to the social services office today to see if they can help me with a lawyer and they said no. Wht would you do if you were me?

If I were you I would keep working on myself and if you really were sick then i can understand where your coming from. really do get how bad it is to have someone cheat on you. I did the same thing and i cant live with myself sometimes. if someone cheated on me i might go all crazy too. that still doesnt mean someone should hit you so you better not have laid a finger on your ex.

its friday night and im sad looking at messageboards. what kind of life is that? no one ever even responds.
I know how u feel, nobody ever responds to me either !! I am bored & looking at message boards, I have no one to talk to , every body's dead :-( my mummy isn't but she's severely disabled after brain bleed so can't speak ,I have 2 beautiful children which I am with 24/7 & they are the reason I live so I am extremely sad to read the original posters situation, I really hope that u get to see your kids very soon, try to be strong because even though life can be a pig it's only you that can make things better for yourself , good luck

 
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Old 10-21-2012, 10:21 PM   #20
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Re: so alone and so sad

It’s funny how up and down life can be. One day you can feel good about life, good about where your heading…then a few minutes later you can be crying on the floor wishing you could just speak to your kids, just see their smiles and give them a hug.

All I want is to move on and have peace. I spent so much of my life hurting…wanting…needing…and after two months of being alone I’m finally starting to like myself. To be able to live with myself even though I’m still neck deep in a very tough situation. I don’t care about the money, I don’t care about any of the BS, I only care about my kids. I haven’t had any contact with them whatsoever that I can’t even remember their voices.

Thank good ness for this board…it’s my way to vent without people actually knowing exactly who I am or my situation. Only two people in my life even know that I write stuff like this and both encouraged me to do so. At least I know I can trust them because if my soon to be ex-wife found out about this, she would know that I still love her…she’d know how weak I am to still miss and want her despite all she has done to me and all that I have done to her. I don’t care if she hates me for the rest of my life and I am fine with our divorce but she will always be my family…she and my three kids will always be my family even if we are technically divorced and apart and even if she remarries. I wish I could tell her everything…I wish I could tell ANYONE everything. People don’t know ½ the story and the ½ they do know is ½ wrong. But if she read this she wouldn’t believe any of it and she would probably just be ******.

I hope they are okay. I am doing my best to pay the bills and provide what I can…I can do more, I will do more. She is rough though, she has not made things easy. She has written a lot of lies about me lately that are pretty devastating to read and swallow. I am being painted as a violent, abusive husband. I have been hit a thousand times and never hit my wife but I’m the violent one??? It’s hard to deal with…BUT…I know she is feeling a lot of pain and I understand that she is trying her best to do what she thinks is best for her, to defend herself, to protect her situation. So as much as it hurts me to read it, as much as it hurts me to be apart from my children, as much as it worries me to have charges against me and my life on the line…I still love them with all my heart and I will be as strong as strong can be. I will be the best man I can be.

 
Old 10-21-2012, 10:23 PM   #21
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Re: so alone and so sad

It’s funny how up and down life can be. One day you can feel good about life, good about where your heading…then a few minutes later you can be crying on the floor wishing you could just speak to your kids, just see their smiles and give them a hug.

All I want is to move on and have peace. I spent so much of my life hurting…wanting…needing…and after two months of being alone I’m finally starting to like myself. To be able to live with myself even though I’m still neck deep in a very tough situation. I don’t care about the money, I don’t care about any of the BS, I only care about my kids. I haven’t had any contact with them whatsoever that I can’t even remember their voices.

Thank good ness for this board…it’s my way to vent without people actually knowing exactly who I am or my situation. Only two people in my life even know that I write stuff like this and both encouraged me to do so. At least I know I can trust them because if my soon to be ex-wife found out about this, she would know that I still love her…she’d know how weak I am to still miss and want her despite all she has done to me and all that I have done to her. I don’t care if she hates me for the rest of my life and I am fine with our divorce but she will always be my family…she and my three kids will always be my family even if we are technically divorced and apart and even if she remarries. I wish I could tell her everything…I wish I could tell ANYONE everything. People don’t know ½ the story and the ½ they do know is ½ wrong. But if she read this she wouldn’t believe any of it.

I hope they are okay. I am doing my best to pay the bills and provide what I can…I can do more, I will do more. She is rough though, she has not made things easy. She has written a lot of lies about me lately that are pretty devastating to read and swallow. I am being painted as a violent, abusive husband. I have been hit a thousand times and never hit my wife but I’m the violent one??? It’s hard to deal with…BUT…I know she is feeling a lot of pain and I understand that she is trying her best to do what she thinks is best for her, to defend herself, to protect her situation. So as much as it hurts me to read it, as much as it hurts me to be apart from my children, as much as it worries me to have charges against me and my life on the line…I still love them with all my heart and I will be as strong as strong can be. I will be the best man I can be.

Last edited by Administrator; 10-22-2012 at 01:09 AM.

 
Old 10-21-2012, 10:34 PM   #22
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Re: so alone and so sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by writeleft View Post
Dear Seven...

It hurts to see the words you have typed, as I can tell the great sense of pain and hurt you are experiencing. It is evident in your words. I am so very sorry.

Of course, I do not know the details of your story, but I take your words as the truth and without judgement. The mistakes you claim to have made are really hard to read, as they seem to be simply marks of human fraility. We have all done things we regret to keep a love interest, we have all done things that embarrass us. Without any details, I cannot imagine what you might have done to please a mate hat got you in trouble, but there must be a thousand things that would do it.

As far as your last comment, the most painful one to write, understandably...never forget the power of love though, it does work and it is purest in our childrens hearts.

My deepest concern and support for you...

Janet
I put up with cheating and cheating and cheating and drug abuse and drug abuse and drug abuse. The last cheating issue was over three years with a guy. She claims that they never had sex and that it was just talking but she doesn’t understand that in many ways that is even worse. I could see a one night sexual encounter, something you do with little thought on based on animal instinct. But what she did was an intimate, long term emotional attachment, emotional relationship. She can’t understand how devastating that would be to find out about. She can’t understand how hard it was on me. She can’t understand that I need long term counseling, psychiatric treatment, and medication in order to deal with the pain of all that has happened and that my reactions were not my own but a result of a severe emotional reaction to her actions. All she cares about is revenge and hurting me…and she is doing both very well.

I didn’t do nearly what she thinks I did and what I did isn’t nearly as bad as she thinks…she is getting bad advice and bad information. But I don’t have the energy or desire to try to fight anymore. I’ve fought for her my entire life, I’ve for everything I’ve had my entire life. I am soooooo tired. I am lonely, depressed, a little driven, a little focused, a little bit of everything. It’s funn y how it works that way.

 
Old 10-21-2012, 10:39 PM   #23
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Re: so alone and so sad

I’ve read dozens, maybe even hundreds of messages on all of these message boards from divorce, to mental disease, to obesity, to physical problems and everything else listed on this site. It is completely amazing to read about some of the trauma that people have to go through. I want it to put my life in perspective and help me realize that my life isn’t that bad…unfortunately, I just can’t do it. I understand how tough people have it. I see how tough people have it. But it doesn’t make my situation any other. It doesn’t make my pain any more palatable. It doesn’t make my missing my kids any less easy. It doesn’t make missing my family, hell even my wife and puppies, any easier. I do feel horribly for people in the situations they are in and I am often compelled to try and do something to help…write something, say something motivating or uplifting…but in the end. My words of help can’t even help myself most of the time. I have to depend on others to keep my strong and my support group is so small it’s almost nonexistent.

In the end…I can only hope that all the people and all the pain expressed on these boards get better. That we all get better. I am doing my best to be strong and I hope everyone else is doing the same thing.

 
Old 10-23-2012, 07:46 PM   #24
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Re: so alone and so sad

That was a wonderful post, acknowledging that each of us here have some issues we are seeking support for, or offering encouragement to others from those who have been where they are now. As we all know, there will always be those smarter than us, and those not blessed with book knowledge. The same goes for our looks, our luck our backgrounds. It is when we take everything we are blessed with to use to better ourselves and to offer ourselves to others. It it true, that if we look around we will always see those suffering more or less than ourselves.

But those who really rise to the top, are those brave enough to look at themselves honestly, and ask for help where we are short, and to offer help with those things we are gifted with. We dont ever have to be completely needy, or completely giving. It is when we are in balance with our shortness and our greatness. it is ok to be sad and lonely and reach out, and it is great to respond, as we have all been there.

I have enjoyed reading your posts, and look forward to your next posts!

Janet

 
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