Fixing to seperate and having mixed emotions
I am new to this board, although I have posted on other boards. I am in what would be considered a strange situation and I needed someone to talk to.
Me and my husband of 7 years (been together for 13 years just not married) are about to seperate. We have been having problems for a long time but continued to live together for our daughter's sake. We wanted her to have her Mommy and her Daddy together. We agreed to do what we want, as long as we dont bring anyone home or around our daughter.
I will admit that due to problems I looked for someone to show me affection and love. I started going out with friends a local bar. I met a guy who I am continuing to have an affair with. He knows about my husband but doesnt care bc he knows we are seperating soon. Needless to say my husband doesnt like me going to that bar nor does he like any of my friends from that bar. None of them are allowed in this house.
He has just started going out. He usually stays home. I dont know why but it bothers me. He said it is me being protective of what use to be mine and maybe it is. Maybe bc he never took me out. We had a fast moving relationship and went from sleeping together to me moving in in less than a month. During our marriage we never went out. I had to beg him to go to dinner or anything. Even after our child we never went out as a family. He looked at that as a means of escape and said our daughter could go with me instead. So yeah it hurts to see him all dressed up, taking another woman out.
I dont known whats wrong with me because I do not want to be with him. I have been counting down the days til we move apart and I can do what I want. I dont want to be with anyone else, I just want it to be me & my daughter. We are at the point where we can not longer live together and are moving apart next month.
What is wrong with me? I dont know why I feel like I do. I know I am not having second thoughts. Maybe I am a little jealous but I dont want to be with him now. I love him and always will but I am not in love with him and he deserves more than that. We both deserve to be happy. I wish I knew why I feel this way but I dont.
Thanks for reading..