| | Re: my husband moved out and wants a divorce
I am responding from experience on both sides of the fence, 6 divorces- so This might sound wacky a bit.
My guess is he's in a kind of limbo too. It's a lot of emotional stuff going on in his head as well as yours. His limbo is probably a trying to gain acceptance in his heart that some dreams are dying or dead. Sort of like knowing you'll never be the #1 baseball player or ballerina in the world, the myths take a while to die. 'Happily ever after' is a hard one to give up. Until he reaches his acceptance and moves on to 'putting away the baseball glove', you both are stuck in his limbo. The 1st question is whether this limbo time is from him trying to decide what he really wants or the time he needs to accept what he is trying to do. The 2nd question being-'What do you want to do?' Are you wanting to wait and see? Are you tired of limbo and willing/wanting to move forwards on your own? What are your goals? (read these as rhetorical, only you need to know what your answers are.)
Divorce or the 'Big D' word is scary. It's the bullet in the chest of what we are taught to value in the highest. My husband and I have outlawed the word in regards to communicating between us based on the ability to use the 'Big D' as a club-a form of blackmail/extortion. This agreement and a few others have been fabulous for keeping us together.-But they come from hard lessons learned the hard way with my hard head.
With no communication or ground rules set for arguments, and no willingness on his part to participate in counseling... you are stuck where I was a long time ago-2yrs of limbo waiting for papers that never arrived. I finally filed for divorce when I reached my point of no return.
Define your goals. Make sure that what you want is definitely what you are working towards. What can you achieve here realistically?
Decide how you are going to reach them. Step by step...don't leave gaps.
DO what you decided.
I wish you the best.