how do I tell him I'm leaving?
I have been with him for 6yrs, we've been "married" for 2 1/2yrs. I say married because we never did legally get married. "It's just a stupid piece of paper" he'd say and other stuff like that, or he'd rather "spend the money on more important things". We have a 16mo son. I think my son is the reason it's so hard for me to leave.
My "husband" hasn't had a job in almost a year and a half and if I bring up him getting one I'M the B%tch. He has absolutely no interest in getting a job and probably never will. we've gone 6-9mo before with only me working while we were dating. We live with my mom, we say it's to help her out, but honestly, if we weren't I'm not sure what we'd do. I mean I ask her to borrow money almost every paycheck (and not from accumulating bills, he just spends all of our money and says 'well i don't know what happened to all the money').
There are more than just the money issues, he is emotionally abusive towards me. I am no longer the person I was when I met this man. I have no friends, and somehow no time to hang out with the friends I used to have, yet I'm never busy doing anything. I am not allowed to hang out with my sister b/c he doesn't like her, if I do I hear hell about how i'm being a B just like she is and i'm acting like her and on and on and on.
I've gained 100+lbs since we've been together and evertime I try to get healthier and lose some weight he seemingly purposefully sabotages every effort. He won't watch our son the extra 30min for me to go to the gym; I found a gym with daycare; he doesn't feel comfortable leaving our son there, I mean we need to raise our own kid not rely on everyone else to do it. I work nights and from the second I get home I have my son (not a bad thing, I enjoy my mornings with my son) and I do not get to sleep until my son goes for a nap around 2-3 in the afternoon. My son will wake up from his nap between 4-5:30 and my husband will (after some sort of argument most days "well I am doing this and i'm not done and GRRRRR" like I purposefully waited until he was doing something and woke my son up) watch him until sometimes between 7 and 8 when he brings him to bed. He counts this as 16+ hours with our son and how dare I ask him to watch him and extra 30 min. the 8 i'm at work our son is asleep, and out of the rest of the day he may wakeingly play with him for 2.5hrs if i'm lucky. and he just doesn't get it.
Sexually, I cannot look at the man he DISGUSTS me. Not physically, physically he hasn't changed much. But the things he wants me to do or wants to do to me. I have woken up being given Anal several times and no matter how much i explain to him I don't like it and it hurts really bad (to the point of crying, i've TRIED many times to do this to make him happy) and that I feel completely violated that he would go there against my will while I'm asleep, he doesn't care. He's pretty much told me, given the right chance, he would cheat on me, and he wished it wouldn't hurt my feelings that he feels this way, he can't help it and he'll do it, but not to worry b/c he will always come home to me, he'll never leave me blah blah blah.
OF COURSE HE WON"T LEAVE ME, HE'S LIVING THE DREAM. NO JOB, NO RESPONSIBILITIES, ENDLESS CASHFLOW.
I've tried to save money, and he always comes up with a reason to spend it.
I have tried to explain all of this to him many times and he blatantly tells me if there is a problem with this relationship it is me, cuz he thinks it's perfect and he loves me and blah blah blah. I'm sick of putting up with this, I've tried everything. I've tried talking, I've asked him to go to counseling. I CANNOT live like this. But I FELL GUILTY leaving him with no where to go and no money. I don't know how to tell him b/c I know he'll blow up and try to guilt me, I know I need to be strong, but I don't know how to tell him. I feel the need (since we live with my mom/brother/nephew) to tell him at least a few days ahead so he has time to get his stuff out before i'm gone.
I've opened a bank account with another bank and plan on having my direct deposit switched over. I've been looking at apartments, and believe I found one I can move into with my son.
Re: how do I tell him I'm leaving?
Give this toxic loser the boot and never look back. You need to join a gym, take some yoga classes and start eating plenty of fruits and veggies. Be kind to your body and your spirit. You also need to get a job, if you do not have one and take your mother out to a nice dinner. Tell her you are sorry for bringing this moocher into her home and and using her money to support your low standards. Good Luck.
Re: how do I tell him I'm leaving?
I am sorry to hear that any woman is being abused physically or mentally. You have explained this nicely, so read your explanation again and LEAVE him - don't turn back. You will be able to care for your child much better if you feel better. He is pulling you down to the point where you feel worthless and useless. You must love yourself, but you are not when you are allowing him to treat you in such way. Don't be afraid that future will be hard - it may seem that way, but you will be able to get on your feet and feel better. Trust me. I've been through similar situation. The longer you wait the harder it gets to make your move. Be brave.
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