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Old 04-03-2013, 08:15 AM   #1
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How long does it take to get over this?

My wife left me about a year and a half ago. She never really gave me much of a reason, I never cheated on her, ever, never touched her and the only thing she said was, "You don't cherish me."

Two weeks later she called me on the phone and said she wanted to work things out and stay together and go to counselling. I agreed and then two weeks later she woke me up one morning and started screaming at the top of her lungs saying she wanted a divorce immediately. I was living in Mississippi and in Mississippi you can get a divorce in 60 days and we did.

She was married to another man 4 weeks later whom she met on a dating site. We were married for 10 years and have a little boy who is autistic. We have joint custody, but she rarely lets me see him. Going back to court is expensive and the courts in Ms. really couldn't care less whether I see my son or not.

I love my 10 year old boy and I've tried to reason with her and she hates my guts and refuses any type of communication about visitation.

I'm worn out, have no interest in dating at all, not to mention I doubt if anyone would want to go out with me right now anyway.

Can anyone relate to this. Sorry for the long post and the whining. But I don't talk about this with anyone.

Thanks,

Rollo

Last edited by RolloTamasi; 04-03-2013 at 08:17 AM.

 
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:21 AM   #2
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Re: How long does it take to get over this?

I'm sorry you're going thru this.....her behaviour is confusing.....is there any chance she has some mental health issues, maybe bi-polar? If you can tell your lawyer that maybe she's not real stable, you might have a better chance of seeing/getting custody of your son
good luck to you

 
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Old 04-03-2013, 10:59 AM   #3
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Re: How long does it take to get over this?

You're the second person who has mentioned this. All I can say is that there was a very drastic change in behavior over a period of about three years. She would go ballistic at the drop of a hat.

She once tried to wake me up at 2 in the morning to talk to me about something trivial and when I tried to go back to sleep she got our autistic boy to jump up and down on the bed while she screamed as loud as she could, until I sat up. Was nothing that couldn't wait until the morning. That was just one example of a lot.

Yes I have considered that, but I'm not really sure where to go with it.

She calls the police non-stop telling them I'm harassing her when I simply send her an email trying to schedule visitation with my boy. The police have told me that she calls them so often that they now forward her calls to a private voice mail so she doesn't tie up their lines.

I suppose I would have to hire a lawyer at some point.

Rollo

 
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Old 04-18-2013, 10:42 AM   #4
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Re: How long does it take to get over this?

some point is NOW.....for the sake of your child.....
she's unstable!
don't sit back and watch what happens......MAKE something happen

 
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Old 04-18-2013, 01:08 PM   #5
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Re: How long does it take to get over this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
I'm sorry you're going thru this.....her behaviour is confusing.....is there any chance she has some mental health issues, maybe bi-polar? If you can tell your lawyer that maybe she's not real stable, you might have a better chance of seeing/getting custody of your son
good luck to you
Thanks Rose,

I have actually discussed this with a couple of other people, including an attorney and they have all asked the same question. Yes I do think there is something wrong. I suspect that she abuses diet pills for one, and I do think that she has some kind of underlying mental health issue. I don't know what it is, but I suspect it could be bi-polar disorder. The look of anger on her face is not a normal look that people get when they get mad, it looks like rage.

I have spoken to an attorney and he said that I can ask the court to have her evaluated psychologically. I am going to have that done.

Thank you for your response.

Rollo Tamasi

Last edited by RolloTamasi; 04-18-2013 at 01:11 PM.

 
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Old 04-23-2013, 10:42 AM   #6
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Re: How long does it take to get over this?

Hi Rollo,

I hear everything you are saying

My ex just up and disappeared one day leaving be with 3 small children. I honestly had no idea it was coming before it did. If anything he had been more loving then usual.

My advice to you is this. First, as much as it sucks, feel the pain, experience it taste it live it. Yes it hurts and its awful but if you stuff it away and don't live thru it it will sneak up and bite you when you least expect it.
I know growth sucks, I always hate it. But when I come out the other side I am able to see the value in the growth experience. I never wish to have additional growth experience but usually if you allow yourself to grow through the pain you will come out the other side without bitterness, stronger, wiser and more compassionate.
Secondly, I believe things start to get better when you no longer need to understand why she did what she did and is still doing.
I was lucky I have my kiddos, and I honestly feel sad for him that he missed out on them and what could have been a wonderful committed relationship.
It took me over a year to arrive at the beginning of not being so raw.
I think some of what the person above said rings true about bi-polar however I know I only have heard a little bit of whats going on but it sounds more like a developmental personality disorder, closest guess to Narcissistic personality disorder, even possibly, borderline personality disorder or another personality disorder.
There is a book I highly recommend and that is , "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family" link to it on amazon below. It helped me understand better then anything else. In fact it was very eye opening. It was also easy to read, interesting, and well written.

http://www.amazon.com/Wizard-Oz-Other-Narcissists-Relationship/dp/0972072837

Check it out. I promise it will open your eyes just from the little bit you have shared.

I do AGREE STRONGLY to the advice above, the time isn't coming to get a lawyer, it is here, your son needs to be with a stable parent who won't cause him greater difficulty in life. I used to work full time with autistic children and adults. My only son is in the Autism spectrum, with aspergers.
Your son needs you, if my instinct is right she will cause the symptomology of autism to be manifested even stronger.

Please, please read this book even if you don't think that, that sounds right. After you have read several chapters if you don't recognize your ex in it then fine, but I have a strong suspicion that you will.

Document everything. If you can get a written statement from the police about her dedicated phone line and incessant calling them to complain about you, especially the police reports when they checked out her complaints against you and that they were erroneous, that would help you legally. I think that would be very helpful for your lawyer. Even when it seems silly document it. It will help you, I promise.

I am so sorry for the pain and the struggle you are feeling and going thru it hurts like hell, and not just because of what she has done and is doing to you, but I imagine that it hurts even more because of your son.

I promise it does get better. When I don't know exactly that's different in every situation.

Shan

 
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