Re: How long does it take to get over this?
I hear everything you are saying
My ex just up and disappeared one day leaving be with 3 small children. I honestly had no idea it was coming before it did. If anything he had been more loving then usual.
My advice to you is this. First, as much as it sucks, feel the pain, experience it taste it live it. Yes it hurts and its awful but if you stuff it away and don't live thru it it will sneak up and bite you when you least expect it.
I know growth sucks, I always hate it. But when I come out the other side I am able to see the value in the growth experience. I never wish to have additional growth experience but usually if you allow yourself to grow through the pain you will come out the other side without bitterness, stronger, wiser and more compassionate.
Secondly, I believe things start to get better when you no longer need to understand why she did what she did and is still doing.
I was lucky I have my kiddos, and I honestly feel sad for him that he missed out on them and what could have been a wonderful committed relationship.
It took me over a year to arrive at the beginning of not being so raw.
I think some of what the person above said rings true about bi-polar however I know I only have heard a little bit of whats going on but it sounds more like a developmental personality disorder, closest guess to Narcissistic personality disorder, even possibly, borderline personality disorder or another personality disorder.
There is a book I highly recommend and that is , "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family" link to it on amazon below. It helped me understand better then anything else. In fact it was very eye opening. It was also easy to read, interesting, and well written. Check it out. I promise it will open your eyes just from the little bit you have shared.
I do AGREE STRONGLY to the advice above, the time isn't coming to get a lawyer, it is here, your son needs to be with a stable parent who won't cause him greater difficulty in life. I used to work full time with autistic children and adults. My only son is in the Autism spectrum, with aspergers.
Your son needs you, if my instinct is right she will cause the symptomology of autism to be manifested even stronger.
Please, please read this book even if you don't think that it sounds right. After you have read several chapters if you don't recognize your ex in it then fine, but I have a strong suspicion that you will.
Document everything. If you can get a written statement from the police about her dedicated phone line and incessant calling them to complain about you, especially the police reports when they checked out her complaints against you and that they were erroneous, that would help you legally. I think that would be very helpful for your lawyer. Even when it seems silly document it. It will help you, I promise.
I am so sorry for the pain and the struggle you are feeling and going thru it hurts like hell, and not just because of what she has done and is doing to you, but I imagine that it hurts even more because of your son.
I promise it does get better. When I don't know exactly that's different in every situation.
Last edited by Administrator; 07-25-2014 at 10:08 PM.