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Divorce & Separation Message Board
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Old 05-11-2013, 09:35 PM   #1
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Married but separated

I've been with my husband for 10 years and married for almost 7 years...he is very controlling, insecure, an excellent liar, plays foolish mind games, verbally abusive and recently physically abusive AND NO affection what-so-ever. The kids and I moved out. I finally got tired of making excuses for why he treats me the way he does. The slightest thing would set him off and I got to the point where I started to brace myself when I would hear him come through the door. He has unresolved childhood issues but he shouldn't take it out on me. I'm deeply torn. It's hurts. He's going to counseling now but I don't think he will continue to go because he's gone in the past and stopped going. He's been asking me to come back and for me to give him another chance but I don't want to. I'm afraid of his temper to the point where I feel like my throat is closing up, I get sick to my stomach, end up losing my appetite and my breathing speeds up when he gets mad and start yelling at me. I feel lost and lonely. I don't really know how to feel or what to do. I don't have money for a divorce and I feel like he won't pay for it either since he really wants me back. I feel stuck. I haven't said anything about divorce and I'm scared to because of his temper. We haven't been intimate in a week and he keeps insisting that we do it but I'm nowhere near having those feelings for him. I don't now what to do.

 
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Old 05-26-2013, 10:03 AM   #2
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Re: Married but separated

Hi, I am sorry for your situation. I believe everybody should get a second chance but in this case definately not. Do not be a victim in the never ending cycle of abuse which is abuse followed by reconciliation followed by more abuse. If he physically abuses you again, call the police, get a restraining order but whatever you do keep away from this man. You have to think of your mental health your childrens. There are para legal help centers that you can file for divorce cheaply but if it is a matter of child support you should at least consult with a lawyer to see what your legal options are. He will not get better with a few months of counseling, his problems are too deep Realize that you will never be in a loving relationship with this man so do not feel torn, there is nothing you did to create this problem, it is all his monstrous behavior that makes your life miserable. Do not waver on your decision, be strong. Sincerely, Lenvegas

 
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Old 05-26-2013, 02:29 PM   #3
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Re: Married but separated

We only get one life and that's it. You need to step back and discover yourself again. You might come to the realization you don't want to be with this man-no matter how many years. Fear is not meant to be in a marriage and when it is...it's time to run. Good luck..don't become a victim and get stuck in that kind of life.

 
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