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Old 01-18-2006, 11:50 AM   #1
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Brother with Down Syndrome

Hi everyone,

I just want to say how appauled I am with some of the posts under this topic. Some of you act like your going to have a baby with 600 heads. My brother has down syndrom and he is the best person in the world, you won't find anyone as caring, hard working and sweet as him. I honestly couldn't picture my life without him.

Why is getting rid of a baby with Downs even an option? This makes me sick. I saw someone post "I know with that I can't afford big hospital bills for a child with down syndrome." Hospital bills? They are human too! ANY baby can have something that requires hospital bills. For all of those that had "pre screening" and are scared because your doctor said your child might have down symdrom and don't want to have it, SHAME on you. What is wrong with you? I can see if you're scared or nervous because my parents were too, but you learn how to care for a child with down, plus the fact that they are the cutest babies in the world!! Those who want to abort a child with downs shouldn't be allowed to have ANY children, that is terrible and it hurts to think people are that insensitive. Sorry for going on, but I just needed to share my opinion. And for those of you that are scared and nervous and decide to have your baby after "pre screening" I can give you mine or my moms e-mail and you can speak with us about having a child with downs syndrome.

To those who have a downs baby, congrats and God bless!

Jen


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Old 01-19-2006, 09:06 AM   #2
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Jaber HB User
Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

Jen,

I applaud your post, I feel the same way as you do although I'm not quite that forward about my feelings and I do try to keep an open mind on things, rather than blame individuals directly. It seems that those who question soft markers and newborns who may have DS on the board are quite uninformed about Down syndrome in general, let alone know anyone who has it. So, they are scared, and want answers. I believe that society is to blame when it comes to people in general thinking that those with DS are stuck in a hospital or group home. It's this ignorance in society that's to blame, therefore it's up to us, who know better, to get the word out about how beneficial these people are to our society, and to promote public awareness. The real disability isn't Down syndrome, the real disability is Ignorance.

Let's all get on the bandwagon and promote these wonderful people, because perfection is not always such a "good thing". I'd take my child w/ DS over any "perfect" person any day.

Also, I'm passionately against the new nuchal fold testing that's being talked about so much in the news today. Is this what scientists are spending their research money on? To give women a choice of whether they'll know they have a "perfect" baby or not? How about flooding that money into the finding out the causes of Down syndrome and new treatments? How about the idea of a cure instead of promoting the weeding out of imperfect people?
Are scientists that inhumane?

Last edited by Jaber; 01-19-2006 at 09:21 AM.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 09:12 AM   #3
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Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

"The real disability isn't Down syndrome, the real disability is Ignorance." So true! thanks for writing back. I didn't mean to be so forward, but it just hurts think people are aborting there children because they find out they have down syndrome. I wish these people could spend a day, an HOUR with my brother just to see how great he is. I can understand how people would be scared and nervous to find that out. It is scary and I even put myself in that position, but aborting it wouldn't be an option for me. Thanks again for replying. Take care.
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Old 01-19-2006, 10:40 AM   #4
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Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

Hi,
Your post was wonderful and so meaningful, I have a DS son who is twenty. He is the joy of my world, he is so loving, helpful and he is so funny, He brings smiles to our family's face because he is so funny. When he was born, we didn't know he was DS until birth, he had a rough start, the Doctor's didn't think he was going to pull threw, Deep in my heart I knew he was going to be just fine but I was a little scared at first, I said to my husband-"we have allot to learn" and we did. Every accomplishment he has made had be so meaningful and such a big deal, why? because he had to work twice as hard to achieve them. I would love to adopt a DS child, I would do it all over again. They are such a joy
Karen W.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 10:57 AM   #5
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Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

Your reply gave me chills. It's so true!! Yes, funny...my brother is such a character I swear. At family parties he is the center of attention! Take care and God bless you and your family. I'm glad you got to experience such joy in your life.
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Old 01-19-2006, 03:53 PM   #6
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Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

Hey Jen,
I agree with you and all the rest, Ignorance is everywhere, but lets face it some people can't even take care of a so called normal child.
Allthough I wish everyone wanted to keep their own so they would see that the rewards far outweigh the work.
My son is not prejudiced,(unless someone has oreo's),I don't believe he knows what hate is.He has never met anyone who didn't need a hug.If he see's me down or depressed he makes me or anyone else the center of attention.
The fact is I need him more than he needs me. I miss him terribly when he is gone for more than a day.
He accepts everyone on equal terms, the fact of the matter is he is a much better person than I think I could ever hope to be.
But people just don't know what its like. They think they are walking into a dark room,Fear of what we don't know is a terrible master.
I know last weekend I took me boy to the park to play on this great playset they have.
as soon as he got on the gym all but two of the kids looked at him and left, then a mother who was talking with another came and got her kids and told them to go play on another part of the playground.
I know I shouldn't have but I told her he was not contagious(Didn't phase her a bit, she never even looked at me) ,what she didn't notice was they fact that my boy noticed everyone and I could tell his feeling were hurt. wow I had no idea how upset I am about this. time to go
Thanks Jen,
RAH
P.S. I hope this is not against the rules, Anyone in Atl. the Special Olympics are this weekend and they need volenteer Fans to cheer, jump up and down and clap.I'm taking Jake, I mean how often do I encourage this kind of behavior.

Last edited by roy holbrook; 01-19-2006 at 04:13 PM.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 07:04 PM   #7
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ElfieNLynx HB User
Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

I want to thank you for writing something so wonderful and true. I'm new to this site and I saw this board and it struck my interest. I don't have any children or realitives with downs syndrome, but I know first hand how wonderful this HUMAN BEINGS are. My husband has worked with them for many years and its a shame how they are made out to be monsters and creatures when they are nothing more then flesh and blood. Everyone has problems and people fail to realize that.
My husband has worked in group homes and most of his clients never see their families or have anyone to be close too, those who were in a family setting before hand were never taught their basic skills because the parents were told that nothing would result from it, so basically because no one worked with them from the start they are now suffering to live; but that would be the same case in anyone who was neglected. Most of the families claimed they couldn't take care of their situation and have thrown them into these homes at an early age, my husband once worked with a young boy who was around 12 or so.

I did research on this subject not too long ago and many people who have children with downs are working with them from the start. More and more downs children are going into regular school class rooms, are achieving high scores and are going to colleges and regular jobs. Its a disability, but that doesn't take away from their dignity or their status as a human being.

I do think though that it is a natural feelings to be afraid of a situation like this, especially when you don't know exactly what you'll be dealing with. To all expected parents or new parents who have a child with downs I would suggest getting in contact with a local group of parents who have the same situation and learn all you can. The more you are informed about every possibility out there the bette your child will have a normal upbringing and more doors open to them.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 08:32 PM   #8
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Analysis1123 HB User
Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

response to Roy Hol,

I'm so sorry you experienced that with your son. Parents are worse then kids sometimes. I know growing I'd always hear people refer to something as "retarded" and I always wanted to kill the people that use that term. It's true people can't take care of "normal" children. I just am so glad I have gotten close to my brother and his friends growing up. It has made me a better and more accepting person.

Take care and God bless. Thanks for writing.
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Old 01-23-2006, 02:42 PM   #9
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Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

[QUOTE=roy holbrook]Hey Jen,
I agree with you and all the rest, Ignorance is everywhere, but lets face it some people can't even take care of a so called normal child.
Allthough I wish everyone wanted to keep their own so they would see that the rewards far outweigh the work.
My son is not prejudiced,(unless someone has oreo's),I don't believe he knows what hate is.He has never met anyone who didn't need a hug.If he see's me down or depressed he makes me or anyone else the center of attention.
The fact is I need him more than he needs me. I miss him terribly when he is gone for more than a day.
He accepts everyone on equal terms, the fact of the matter is he is a much better person than I think I could ever hope to be.
But people just don't know what its like. They think they are walking into a dark room,Fear of what we don't know is a terrible master.
I know last weekend I took me boy to the park to play on this great playset they have.
as soon as he got on the gym all but two of the kids looked at him and left, then a mother who was talking with another came and got her kids and told them to go play on another part of the playground.
I know I shouldn't have but I told her he was not contagious(Didn't phase her a bit, she never even looked at me) ,what she didn't notice was they fact that my boy noticed everyone and I could tell his feeling were hurt. wow I had no idea how upset I am about this. time to go
QUOTE]

That is the saddest thing I have ever heard. I almost started crying. I can't believe here we are in the year 2006 and people still act that way. Some people really need to grow up.

 
Old 01-24-2006, 12:30 PM   #10
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candle66 HB User
Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

Well unfortunatly society tends to discriminate against people with most disabilities. Not just down syndrome. It's not fair but we live in a world where there are still many hate crimes against homosexuals, racial discrimination, where females are not considered attractive unless they are anorexic and under 30, 5 pounds overweight and you're considered obese.... the list goes on.

I think the in the future we will start tampering with genetics to make "perfect children" So much controversy on this topic, but it's probably going to be a reality within the next 50 years.

Yes it is heartbreaking to see innocent people treated unfairly even more so children who really can't understand why people are being the way they are.

I suffer from a disability, although invisable to everyone and I live a perfectly normal life without it affecting me. I never tell people I have MS because as soon as they find out I might as well have a label stamped to my head and I get treated differently. I even lost my previous job after they found out, even though I never missed a day or work, never came in late. But they felt I may be undepenable in the future because my disease could flair up. Long story, even hired a lawyer, but the company had been sold and I didn't really have a case anymore.

I found out I was pregnant, my husband and his family want me to have an amnio because.. yes you guess it. They don't want a down syndrome baby,they said they can handle almost any other disability but DS.
I am put in a bad siutation because I am carrying this child and the thought of an abortion sickens me if my baby does in fact have DS, abortionis wrong no matter what but most aborted babies are from women who had an "oops".

If my baby does have DS, my options would be to 1. Keep it. My husband would leave me. I can't have a full time job, lose insurance coverage. Not to mention having a disability myself would make it diffulcult to raise a child with one as well, I wouldnt have support from the family.
So I would be poor and pushing my health to the limit.
2. have it and put it up for adoption. DS children aren't on the top of the list for adoption, where would she end up, in a home for the rest of her life?

I could go on and on and on and gripe about this. But it's not all black and white.

But bless you all who care for these children and can see past a disability.

Last edited by candle66; 01-24-2006 at 12:49 PM.

 
Old 03-29-2006, 07:01 PM   #11
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Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

I have a 2 year old daughther with downs and she is the love of my life, what people need to understand is that "dissability" is part of life, these children and later adults are just like anyone else with a little bit of differences, they do work harder to achieve certain goals. I also have 11 month baby and he loves his sister, he laughts at everything silly she does- my hope is that my children love and support one another as you and your brother do.

 
Old 04-24-2006, 12:14 PM   #12
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Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

Jen,

This is my first time on this message board. I was happy to see your post. Kudos to you! For standing up for your brother. I am the proud mother of a child with DS. Payton is her name and she will be 6 years old in July. She is my pride and joy. She is very loved by her family. Payton has a 17 year old brother and an 11 year old sister. She also has 3 step sisters ages 22, 19 and 16. A lot of love here! We would have her no other way. We have all learned from Payton and continue to learn from her each and every day. Payton will enter the kindergarten this fall in a public school. Although my husband and I have worked with her a lot, I give a lot of credit to all the other kids in our large family. My other kids and step-children love Payton unconditionally. They have helped her grow by not treating her like she is disabled or delayed. I wanted to thank you for your post. You are a great sister to your brother, I am sure. Stay that way!

Payton's Mom

 
Old 04-24-2006, 03:09 PM   #13
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Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

Jen,
I wholeheartedly agree with every word you wrote. I very much veiw the new earlier testing as a means to weed out the 'imperfect' in our society. I think it's ridiculous, immoral and heanous. It reminds me of Hitler's doings, really. What is 'perfect' anyway?

When I was pg with my 2nd child I found out she was a girl. I was elated! As per my husbands and my hair/eye color I was expecting a brown eyed little girl with curly brown hair. When she was born I was shocked to see a blue eyed/blonde! She certainly wasn't what I was expecting! But I just love her to pieces anyway!

When I was pg with my 4th baby (the wonderful reason I'm on this board) I was told that the triple screen came back 'bordeline positive' for DS. I vividly remember the moment my Dr told me that. he walked in the exam room & simply stated that the test came back bordeline posisitve. My exact words were, "oh, Ok." Not suprise, not shame, not fear, not any bad feelings at all! It was as if he had told me it was Tuesday when I thought it was Monday...no biggie, I'll adjust. And I have, very well I might add.

My son was born, us still not knowing if he had DS or not......untill he looked at me for the first time. OMG what a wonderful moment that was! He had (has) the most beautiful big, blue, almond shaped eyes I have ever seen! They simply sparkled with love/wonder/excitement/joy...even though he was only minutes old....he is almost 15 months old and it has only gotten better with time.

Yes, there are risks involved with a child with DS....scary medical things that, thank the good Lord I haven't had to face. But, is that a reason to end a life before given a chance to live? My son has virtually no serious medical issues....yet a few others aren't so lucky. How does a prenatal test show what quality of life a child will have? They don't. You don't know that until that child is here. He very well may be a perfectly healthy child, just as my kids are. It saddens me and frustrates me that someone would take away a perfectly good child's life on the chance that they may have a hole in their heart!

Ok, getting off my soapbox now......

 
Old 05-03-2006, 10:26 PM   #14
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Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

When I look into the sweet eyes of my little 15 month old angel and when she giggles at the silly faces I make and hug me so tightly, I can't - not for one minute - imagine that are people that would essentially throw a sweet, gentle, doll baby like this away. I'm even considering adopting a second child with Down Syndrome. I'd be honored and blessed to have a second child with DS to love, nurture and cherish.

 
Old 05-19-2006, 09:48 AM   #15
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Re: Brother with Down Syndrome

Hi, my brother also has DS and i agree, personally i do not understand why someone would consider aborting a baby which has DS

-but-

also i do not understand why someone would consider eating the meat from a dead cow

both of the above views are based on my own personal opinions and life experiences. I am dictated by my own morals and feelings, these are laregly bourne out of what i have experienced.

If i did not have a brother who has DS i would be much more ignorant on this topic, i may also look way more into the negitive aspects than the posiyves.

i think it is wrong to belittle anyone of thier opinions and subjective emotions.
If anyone has just found out that their future child is going to have DS then of course they are going to have concerns, be worried..look to the negitive aspects.
But it is not fair to call them wrong or sick

People may thier own decisons within their lives and this should not be dictated by other people.

I agree with alot of the points raised by this thread but i also think every situation should be looked at objectivly, from both sides.

 
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