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Old 02-26-2007, 10:35 AM   #1
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mike.ingersoll HB User
hello, I am in need of advice.

I am dating a wonderfull woman that has children. One of which has Downs. I have started readind about it and understand it for the most part. I guess the Biggest concern I have right now is I have 2 daughters of my own. How will this affect them? Children with Downs, do they get violent toward there siblings? Any information that anyone can give me will be greatly appreciated.

Mike

 
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Old 02-26-2007, 12:09 PM   #2
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Karen W. HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

Hello,
For starters, how old os this Downs Syndrome daughter? Most of the time, they do adjust well, Down syndrome children and adults sometimes have a hard time adjusting to a sudden change, they don't like there daily routine changed, for instance, if they get a new teacher in the beginning of the school year because they have moved on to a higher grade, they don't like that, they want there old teacher back, that teacher was there comfort zone. What I would do is start introducing your children to her, let them get to know her, maybe they could sleep over a night here and there on the weekend or take your kids and her kids and go to dinner or a movie., once she gets to know them, I really don't think your going to have a problem. I have a DS son who loves people, he'll talk to anyone-he is 21 years old. He is a loveable guy and very happy, not violent at all. We did have a few temper flairs when he was entering into puberity, but that was it, most teen-agers that enter puberity do have issues, they don't have to be Down syndrome for that. I have four Children, all my kids are grown except for one teen-ager, she is my youngest, she has been "a piece of work these teen-ager years", She gets my blood pressure sky rocketing and she has no disabilities. I really think everything is going to be just fine.
Karen W.

 
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Old 02-26-2007, 01:25 PM   #3
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mike.ingersoll HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

Karen, Thanks for getting back with me. The DS kid is a boy. So no sleepovers just yet. I appreciate your advice. As I read about DS, I see there are different types of it. Is DS diiferent for every individual or pretty much the same for all?

To answer your question that you asked me, he is 5 yrs old. He seems like a very loving and caring kid. Obviously I am scared because this is something new to me and my family. So any advice,in any situations, I would love to hear,

Thank You
Mike

 
Old 02-26-2007, 05:54 PM   #4
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Jensmom HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

Hi Mike:

I thought I would give you my perspective on this. I have 3 children, daughter 25 with DS, son 23 and son 21. We were always the house that the kids "hung out" at when the boys were growing up so we had lots of extra kids around as well. Jennifer is like any other kid except that she is slow to learn some things and will probably never fully learn others. She has gone through many stages of development just like my boys did, some I liked better than others with all of them

The thing I do know, is that all the kids who spent time with Jen, including my boys, have learned to be more compassionate understanding adults, and I think it is because of her. When you watch someone try so hard to learn things, and continue to have a great attitude, it's inspiring. I think your children will benefit from a relationship with this young boy. They may not always get along, but I don't know any kids that do. Just treat them all the same and things will be fine.

Know that we are all here to share our advice and opinions with you...or to just listen if you want. There are never any questions that can't be asked, so ask away!

Sarah

 
Old 02-26-2007, 05:58 PM   #5
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Jensmom HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

I forgot to answer you on individuals with DS. They are different in many many ways, and the same in some. Much like other kids, their IQ's will vary greatly, what they will accomplish in school and work will vary as will their personalities. They are individuals just like you and I. There are different types of Downs, this refers to the genetics involved.

Hope this helps.

 
Old 02-27-2007, 09:11 AM   #6
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mike.ingersoll HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

Hi Jensmom,

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to talk to me! I must say that as I read about all the friends and family members that are involved with people with DS my heart is softened. I have never taken the time out of my day to understand about this nor cared to. I have learned so much in the short time that i have been doing research on DS. You(friends and family) are the most amazing people. I have not got one bit of "negative" information from anybody or any website that has made me question the LOVE I feel for this woman and her children. I obviously have a lot to learn still.
Along with the concern about my children I was concerned about my family members. Can They handle something like this? Can they support me in my decision? All these questions have been going through my head the last few days. So I asked. To my surprise everybody was very helpful and informative. They said to me "Mike you need to do what makes you and your girls happy and we will support your every decision". My mom took it upon herself to start some research on Downs. I am thrilled by this.
With all this said, What can I do? How can I make this adjustment just as easy on my girlfriends children as well as me and my children?

 
Old 02-27-2007, 09:14 AM   #7
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mike.ingersoll HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

Does anybody know of any place in Salt Lake City, Ut that I can maybe go hang out or help with children with DS?

Mike

 
Old 02-27-2007, 11:59 AM   #8
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Jensmom HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

Hi Mike:

I am so glad that your family responded so positively.

As for where to go to hang out with some DS kids, I would suggest volunteering some time with the local special olympics. Usually you can find them on the web or in the phone book. There are many opportunities to help out, and some of them might be appropriate for your daughters to help you with.

Sarah

 
Old 02-27-2007, 03:16 PM   #9
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mike.ingersoll HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

Hi Sarah,

Thank you for the bit of information. I will get in touch with someone on this. I appreciate you time. I will keep you informed of my progress. I think chatting on here will help in many other ways also. I look forward to future conversations with you and anyone else that gets involved.

Mike

 
Old 03-06-2007, 07:44 PM   #10
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kimn99 HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

I have a daughter who has Down Syndrome. We don't call it Down's though. She is 4 years old and she has the purest, most loving, caring heart of any child I have ever seen. She is very gentle with babies and is compassionate too. When a baby cries in her daycare, Dani will go over there and pat the baby to soothe her. Dani is very intuitive too. She will take her precious hands and hold my face in her hands and kisses me with love I have never known.

You are entering at an early age for the little guy to get used to you. He will open a beautiful world of compassion joy, and amazement and humor. Your daughters can't help but fall under his adoring spell. I am currently getting divorced and always said whoever becomes my daughter's stepfather will get a little girl who will love him unconditionally. Her heart amazes me. Her health is excellent and she is doing very well in school. So far men do not seem to be scared off by her.

Enjoy your beautiful lady friend and when the time is right introduce your daughters in. How old are they by the way.

Good thoughts,
kim

 
Old 03-13-2007, 11:06 AM   #11
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mike.ingersoll HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

My daughters are 8 and 5.

I recently spent a weekend out of town with my girlfriend and her children. WOW what an eye opener for me. Joe, who has DS, was so fun to be around. He has so much energy. You are right about there love for people. I adore that little boy. I shave my head, he thinks that it is the funniest thing. He will take his little hands and rub my head to tickle him. makes me LAUGH.
I am so excited to let my children meet her kids, I am still wondering when the time will be right for that. I dont want to wait to long but on the other hand I dont want it to be to soon either.

Thanks

Mike

 
Old 03-14-2007, 08:51 AM   #12
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kimn99 HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

Hi Mike,
So happy to hear about your heartwarming experience. Yay!!! I hope the trip alleviated some of your concerns. It sounds like it did. As far as your girls meeting everyone, that is such a personal decision. If you think this woman and her family will be a permanent part of your future then anytime is fine. This is a confusing time for your girls too so take it at their comfort level and maybe slowly do short activities together. More than likely they have kids at their school with DS. If not, this will be a learning, eduacational experience for them. Best of everything and thank you for letting us know how it went.
warmly,
Kim
(mom to beautiful Dani with DS)

 
Old 03-15-2007, 04:11 AM   #13
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Lozer HB User
Re: hello, I am in need of advice.

i was just wondering if you could help me as i am a student beginning my research progrmme on Down's syndrome and the effect it has on children's development and education. I have a questionnaire if you would be able to help it would be great.

 
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