my friend is 13, and she has bulimia. she denies it, but i know she does. i don't know what to do. i am not supposed to know; no one is. she has a website in which she posts everything, and it sounds like she's depressed as well. please help me. i feel like if i tell anyone, she will hate me and it will do no good. but who could i tell? i am really worried for her. she acts as if her life's terrible, but i simply cannot see that. she has a loving family, leads a privlaged life, and is friends with almost everyone. should i just leave her alone? somehow i feel i cannot do that. how can i help her? thank you so much for any advice you have.
a few questions/comments... is your friend's website open for others to look at? i'm assuming it is, as you've read her posts. if that's the case, it may be a cry for help--she may not know any other way to ask for it. have you confronted her about it--the bulimia--yet? she may try to push you away or be angry, but there is also a chance she'll be relieved you brought it up. another method is to just discuss her depression. if she really is bulimic it may simply be a manifestation of the depression. ask why she feels the way she does. and most importantly, if she seems suicidal, you should get help--a trusted teacher, school counselor, parent... anyone you can trust to help you and your friend. i hope this helps. best wishes to you...
Thank you so much for your advice. i wasn't sure whether i should approach her, but now i think i might. and, yes, i re-read one of her posts and it does ask for help! but i still don't understand...i've never seen anyone being "mean" to her at school; like i said, she is friends with everyone. in the posts, she mentioned dying ( not threatening to kill herself, more like wishing she was dead) three times in the past week. I've never confronted her about the bulimia, although i wish i could. she is trying so hard to hide it, like if I told anyone about her site she would move it, and i'm unable to write a comment to her bacause it specifically says on the site that "if you don't like what you see then look away." i don't understand this girl anymore. last year she was so upbeat; this year she is always looking miserable, but she refuses to reach out for help. i do feel like i've been reaching out to help her, but maybe i should try harder. what if she just gets angry? i fear she will. she obviously doesnt consider me nor anyone else her friends. i am so concerned...it is making me depressed just reading the posts! thank you so much for any advice you have.
If you honestly feel your friend is in trouble (and it sounds like you do) then you have to care more for her than you do yourself. By this I mean you have to accept the fact that she may be angry with you and for a while not wish to be her friend, but you need to tell an adult. Someone you trust that you believe can help her and you. Honestly until you have an ED you will never be able to understand it. On the outside you see her world as a good one, but you can't and don't know what is going on inside her. I am glad she has a freind like you that cares. Now I hope you have the courage to follow through and get your friend the help she needs. At the very least you will know you did not stand by and watch her "drowning" without attempting to help. Keep us posted.
I just wanted to add to that about the part where you said 'she obviously doesn't consider me nor anyone else her friends'. I very much doubt that that is the case. There could be a million reasons why she hasn't gone to any of you. I am pretty much definite its not because she doesnt value you as her friends.
Apart from that, I just want to back up what dilemma and dance4jc have said
Love Emily xXxXx
When someone is suffering from an Ed, or atleast as used to be my case I usually saw outside help as an invasion of my privacy and jealousy from friends because they weren't as thin (stupid I know), but believe me the best way you can help is by telling a responsible adult that can get her help and FAST. She might be mad for a little while but in time she will see that you did all you could to help her. Which is why I think you should tell someone, preferably one of her parents, so that she doesn't sink in more than she already has.
once again, i was too afraid to approach her. i have, however, been going out of my way to be friendly to her, and i think it's helping . today there isn't a new posting on her site, which i take for a good thing, and she wasn't crying at lunch. i think i'll play it by year. if i still see signs of bulemia/depression, i'll definately talk to someone. i'm not sure who yet, but there are plenty of options. thank you all soo much for your support; now i know that i can help my friend.